marriage compromises. do some of "these" marriages exist and work?

vash · vash's Garage

let me start off by saying i love my wife. great woman..amazed she married me. this thought wakes me up sometimes. she still has men after her..

now we both dont think exactly alike. sometimes we debate over issues, like money, vacation time, can she have another cat?..stuff like that.

some guys will tell me..if my wife wont let me do ___________, time to get another wife. it can be anything...buy whatever i want, go anywhere i want..etc.

do some of you guys actually have this? a marriage without compromise? a marriage without rules?

my brother just called to see if our annual AZ deer hunt/camp trip is on. i replied.."i'll call you back..let me check with my wife" a coworker said.."man, if you have to check with her, you married the wrong woman"..

seriously? this dickhead is single, no girlfriend..no prospects. he thinks the man rules the roost. i would be a broke ass bum if i didnt have my wife running the budget. i'm a believer.

peppy · 12-14-2012, 03:20 PM

Vash, I also would ask my wife first, not for permission, but to be sure there where no conflicts.

Head416 · Head416's Garage

Exactly. If you're planning a trip out of state you discuss it with the person you share your life with.

72doug2,2S · 72doug2,2S's Garage

Once you have kids, things get much more complicated. You have to plan together.

MikeSid · 12-14-2012, 03:41 PM

Sure those marriages exist. They just don't last very long.

That guy probably eats at Hooters and thinks the waitress is interested in him.

winders · 12-14-2012, 03:49 PM

vash,

I have been married for 28 years and I will tell you that marriages work for two reasons: mutual respect and acceptance.

Life is full of compromises and there is no way around that. We all have to compromise.

When I want to buy something significant or go someplace without my wife, I talk with her about it. It's not about who who is in charge. My wife is my partner and she wants the best for me just like I want the best for her.

If I want to buy something under $1000, I don't have to discuss it with her if I don't feel like it. The same goes for her. That $1000 isn't a hard number. I just threw it out there. We both know when a dollar amount is big enough to discuss.

I can go out with my friends any time I like. I just call to let her know what's I am doing. Sometimes, I get reminded that I made another commitment. Not very often, but it happens. Otherwise, I am told to have fun.

The bottom line is I don't treat my wife like a possession or as a servant. I treat her as an equal. My needs do not outweigh hers.

Scott

onewhippedpuppy · 12-14-2012, 03:51 PM

A marriage without compromise is a short one. A good marriage is a partnership.

masraum · 12-14-2012, 03:58 PM

I'm sure there are some that are around and last, but that's because both partners are equally crazy. I'm sure there are nutty women who will put up with or want a man who does what he wants. My guess is that they have very low self esteem. I suspect these are the exception rather than the rule. I'm also sure there are marriages where the woman rules the roost and the man is subservient.

How's that old saying go, there's an ass for every seat. I'd there are men that want total freedom, there are woman that think the man should have it or take it.

Rusty Heap · Rusty Heap's Garage

wise wise words here.

21 years with my best friend on my marriage odometer.

Of course "yes dear" doesn't ever hurt to say too, but that's not sucking up.

and at least once a month, I buy her flowers "just because", and definately not on birthdays/anniversary's or so on, surprize and keep her happy.........just cuz.

man some of you guys should write halmark cards!

rnln · 12-14-2012, 04:06 PM

"if my wife wont let me do ___________, time to get another wife. it can be anything...buy whatever i want, go anywhere i want..etc."

Depend on what you want your wife to be. Marriage has many definitions. Sometimes guys talk like he is too proud of how they are in their marriage, but others might not think so. To me, Winders makes complete sense.

"man, if you have to check with her, you married the wrong woman"
Well, I have heard guys talk like this all the time. Once I was with a friend of mine, one of this type, and his wife. His wife got mad at him for no reason, and he shut it mouth like a chiken. Don't be supprise many guys talk the opposit.

scottmandue · 12-14-2012, 04:10 PM

I'm the king at our house!

And I have my wife's permission to say that!

I'm still a newbie at this married stuff... good post for me to read... thanks guys!

Hard-Deck · 12-14-2012, 04:11 PM

This..

Quote:

A marriage without compromise is a short one. A good marriage is a partnership.

daepp · 12-14-2012, 04:18 PM

Vash - sounds to me like you have a good and normal marriage.

gatotom · 12-14-2012, 04:50 PM

After 37 yrs with the same woman, all I can say is I am one lucky SOB.

No, it hasn't been easy but anything worth anything isn't easy.

First rule of marriage, both your lives are an open book, she knows all and you know all on her, simple...its the golden rule.

From what fellow friends have told me that have been married multiple times and yes, we do make mistakes and sometimes you finally get it right is the grass is not greener on the other side, you still have to water and nurture it to make it grow.

Don't worry be happy, did you know that the longer you are married your net worth goes up expotently besides I don't have a clue on how to wash my clothes or for that matter buy clothes

look 171 · 05:22 PM

Vash, I have been married for 11 years. Stay away from that guy who gave you the advice. YOu already have the answer by telling us he's still single. My wife is pretty cool (at times). She doesn't care if I go out anywhere, as long as I come back the time I tell her when I an expected back and not 5 hours later. She doesn't care if I go to a strip club and actually said go. My plumber actually invited me to one of his workman's birthday bash there. I dislike going to those freaking places and she knows it, but I went and had one beer and left.

How would you like it if your wife came home one day and told you that she was going on vacation with a friend for a few days without prior warnings? I always ask. I say, "Rennsport is coming up and I want to go. WHat do you think? Would you like to go up there with me?" Respect goes a long way. I buy whatever I want unless its a huge price tag and alter our lives. Otherwise, she could careless. I don't buy too many things so its no big deal. I do btich if she buys too many crafts and Christmas BS.

Just so you know, I do wear the pants in my family, but she tells me which ones to wear. Edit, must b e in green

genrex · 02:50 AM

This is a great thread.... words of wisdom + funny stuff!

_

9dreizig · 12-14-2012, 05:18 PM

Were you checking the dates or asking permission ?? I can tell you IF I ever get married again MY annual hunting trip will never be a question IF but more like "oh honey the AK trip is Sept XX this year" ,, that's making sure she knows about it,, but certainly not asking permission ... it's an ANNUAL trip right??

dennis in se pa · dennis in se pa's Garage

25 years here. Did not get married till I was 36. I discuss things with my wife if they involve her. I make the decision. It's just who I am.

targa911S · 12-14-2012, 05:50 PM

31 years here. Great advice from all here. All I can add is that it's a two way street, give and take, respect and compromise. It's a team effort around here.

MT930 · 07:08 PM

Better to ask for forgiveness than permission !

Coming from an sporting outdoor guy perspective.

Always good to ask

You will know when forgiveness is not available.