Haha,
The purpose of schmoozing is simply to make a personal connection and put you at ease. If someone seems phoney, self serving, or makes you uncomfortable they suck at it.

maybe. However, I appreciate people most if they are genuine and pleasant... that's not schmoozing, IMO.

I work in the film business. As HughR can attest, schmoozing hits a whole new level in the industry (probably surpassed only by politics). In fact, some of the more successful people are the ones who can deal with the politics involved in film.
I can schmooze to a certain extent, but I work with someone who excels at it. He is a compulsive liar and the biggest ass kisser I've ever come across. I always say every time I go to kiss the bosses ass I end up kissing the back of the liar's head.
People are wise to his antics, but they eat it up anyway. I guess everyone likes a little smoke blown up their rear every now and then.

In my end of the business, I'm fortunate that I don't have to schmooze much. I have to be nice, and personable, but everyone pretty much knows that I'm the guy that can say "No". I fortunately don't work for any of my shows, but I never forget that a lot of powerful people in Hollywood could probably make a phone call...

Shaun, you are good dinner company, you listen well, consider others thoughts and respond in a non-threatening manner. You need nothing.

Class will help but your best bet is to practice. Visit with many people, be pleasant... seek them out. Listen more than you speak. If you're aware enough to care then you're ahead of the game already.

Pretend you've died and gone to hell? No thanks.

This is a great book on the subject: http://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352145/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

I'm happy with my curmudgeonly self. Get off my lawn.

Some good comments and good replies, thank you. I have always stood in the "schmoozing is fake" crowd but I want to clarify my intent with 2 excellent examples of co-workers past. I used to be in sales as head of custom publishing at an IT magazine and therefore worked a lot with the print sales guys. Two of them, though both as successful and effective as the other, were polar opposites in schmoozing. One was as fake and backstabbing as you could be. The other was genuine, interesting and interested. He grew up blue collar like I did but you'd swear he had a lifetime of prep school. His gift is what I'm looking to develop.

My own perspective, I can lead a business meeting or a presentation with the best of them. Have taken a few "you've got 15 minutes" VC presentations to a few hours. My strength lies in being able to convey the passion for what I'm doing, which seems to come through as honest and genuine. When I was in sales, I never closed. Just explained what we could do and that seemed to work.

So why the thread? I've been doing boys clothing for over 6 years now. We're getting into infant and girls lines too. Growth is good. But starting with an idea I had about 10 years ago, combined with some recent developments, I think I could get into very high-end women's fashion, perhaps one of the most competitive industries in the world. The clothing and techniques would speak for themselves. But in fashion, you need to know the right people, and just as importantly, need to know what to say, when and to whom. For me, it's the exact opposite kind of world I'd want to be in, and if I failed, it would be because of me, not the clothing.

A brief snapshot.

You hit this squarely on the head. Well spoken sir!

I understand your search.
I serendipitously found this book at a garage sale for $1.00 back when I first started my 40 yr. business.
All my life, I always admired those who had Charm (mostly women), and, more importantly those who could reject me and/or my ideas and at the same time have me feel good about it. After years of maturation, I would say that Charm is best when it's combined with authenticity & genuineness...and some honesty, but not radical honesty.
This book would be my suggestion. Look for it.
.
That Certain Something: The Magic of Charm: Arlene Francis: 9780191151965: Amazon.com: Books

This is when you may consider hiring in the connections/personality needed as well... easier said than done of course.

Thank you Don, just ordered it.


At a certain point, I think you would hire someone no matter who you were. My sense is starting out, it's all you. Plus it would be nice to be more charming. :)

Thanks Hugh, those were nice dinners, and it was all about the company. SmileWavy

IF Shmoozing required
THEN add Scotch OR Beer
THEN GTG

Shaun, I'm an engineer and fit relatively well in the engineer's mold... schmoozing does not come naturally to me but in my present job (for a start-up), human resources are limited and I have on occasion had to step into a marketing/sales/social/schmoozing role. I can do it and have learned dos and don'ts on my own by watching others.

For me, the biggest thing about having had to learn it, rather than be a natural at it is the resulting mental drain... once an event is over, I need some down time to myself with some good music or my P-car project. As an introvert, it just takes a lot more energy. Just my .02, YMMV.

Jeremy

I think if you are genuine and comfortable with yourself, the rest will come. If you aren't comfortable with yourself, others will sense it and similarly not be comfortable with you.

To me schmoozing has sleazy connotations. I consider myself to be a good conversationalist, in that I can really carry a conversation with just about anyone. I'm not an ass kisser or a liar (too much engineer in me), but I think that with a little effort you can genuinely connect with most people and have a "real" conversation.

"Ya smooze, ya loose..."

Oh wait...that's the IT "geek" in me also, maybe I got the quote wrong :)

I suspect you may discover you already have the skills you desire.

+1

As was also said by sid, some are just born with it. Sounds like your friends were born with it. You will probably have to work on it. Not that bad, but it is a skill you will need if you are in sales.

Practice on your friends. They will be the most honest if you are coming off fake.

Perhaps instead of hanging the company's future on skills you are not comfortable with, you could just hire someone who has those skills. When I started out I thought I could sell ads just by providing a great vehicle for them, with lots of eyeballs on paper, and letting them know what I could offer them. I thought I was doing fine. Then I hired a professional sales person and realized how poorly I was doing. She more than pays her salary and commissions. I kick myself when I look back at the money I left on the table by trying to work outside my comfort level.

Very Yoda like in your assesment.