| kaisen |
01-21-2013 12:55 PM |
I had an interesting conversation about a month ago with a good friend of mine who has an interesting career -- he's been voted the world's best pickup artist.
As you can imagine, he's extraordinarily good at picking up women. But this wasn't always the case. He was an introverted scientist-type in college and really didn't have that "natural charisma". As a scientist, he approached it as an experiment. He knew that if he forced himself to approach, say, 100 women a week that he would figure out what worked and what didn't work. He developed a system. He now sells that system (seminars, subscriptions, books, CDs, and much more) to other intoverted men who aren't successful with women.
Our conversation was about the art of "selling". My take is that we're ALWAYS selling, we just don't realize it. Perhaps substitute "persuade" for "sell" and it makes more sense, but the two words are relatively synonomous in this context. It's happening constantly, in every interaction we have. We're selling our ideas, we're selling ourselves, we're persuading others to see or share our point of view. It's rare that we can force someone to share it, and even then we needed to convince them that we had that authority. We're always persuading. Always. Every day.
So why are some people better at it than others? This friend has a degree in Psychology (and others). He thinks it is purely nurture, not nature. You're simply a product of your environment. That big Italian family anecdote? Simply survival of the fittest. Large family dynamics often mean that siblings need to do more "schmoozing" and entertaining to earn and keep the attention and resources of the family. The good news is that it is learned, so you can learn too.
I've trained thousands of people the art of sales in the context of the auto industry. It's a very specific, scientific, quantifiable process. I can instruct someone step-by-step on what to do when, and what not to do when, and why. So it is with my friend, who has held seminars all over the world instructing men, in very scientific ways, what works and what does not and why.
The shortcut in persuasion is to be fake and tell people what you think they want to hear. It's a weak, shortsighted perspective. The strongest persuaders understand that being genuine yet diplomatic will get you much further in the long run. It's often not the message, it's the delivery.
While there are thousands of techniques, books, and specific points to consider, the underlying commonality is this: People like to be liked. Every technique will be supporting this tenet. If you listen -- really listen -- it won't take long for someone to tell you exactly what you need to know to help them buy what you're selling. They are giving you the combinations to their lock, piece by piece.
It's science, but it's not rocket science.....
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