Lying, in order to be a better husband.
 

i'll admit, i annoyed my wife big time this morning.

my mom once told me (as an adult) i am too honest, and sorta judgmental. sometimes the two are not mutually exclusive.

here goes. i cannot pretend to like my wife's cooking. well some of her dishes are good. but when she goes all "mad scientist" in the kitchen, look out! or if she or my MIL brings me some outside food..if i dont like it, i just stop eating. it is obvious. my wife will ask; "well, what do you think?"..my mouth, the governor is broken!! i am not brutal. i'll just gently say..something stupid.

same with gifts. my wife cannot buy me gifts. PPOT knows my hobbies, and so does my wife. she will give me random gifts, like a gift certificate to some holistic healing full body message/poetry reading. she asks"dont you love it?"..again, my dumb mouth.

you guys? you play the game better? maybe i am too practical. i dont want her to waste $$ on something i wont like.

i cant win. i am making a peruvian roast chicken with polenta and oven roasted veggies tonight..i in am full time asskiss mode.

The last time I criticized my wife's cooking was 40 years ago. I should have kept my mouth shut. I have been doing all of the cooking ever since!

Silence is your friend.

I am very fortunate that my wife is a very good cook. She knows what I like. If I don't like it such as certain kinds of fish then I go to the bathroom and bring it up. She can tell by the amount of time I spend in the bathroom if there is a problem.:)

I cook once in a while but generally my wife cooks better than me so I know my place. Always find that honesty is the best policy.I offer to do take out or take her out for a meal but more often than not she declines. We have a new stove now so she likes to cook. I am lucky!:)

This is a smart man here. It is not lying if you are not talking.

60 yrs old...still single....'nuff said?

she asked a direct question so hard to be silent

instead, grunt appreciatively & bug out your eyes while nodding your head - puff your cheeks if nothing is in your mouth so it will look like it is full of her food

you need a dog to slip the food to under the table

Some things are better left not said.

However, I will suggest having an honest conservation with your wife at some other time. When she might be more receptive to your feeling about the stuff you mentioned. So much for my 2 cents. Good Luck.
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What if your wife tell you your cooking sucks? when she did, I said, thanks god let go out and grab something.

Been married 30 years this coming July. My wife was a horrible cook at first but, being pretty much omnivorous, I didn't go hungry. If asked about something I didn't like, I would simply say "I'm not a fan." Get a pat answer. If she hears it enough, she'll catch on. After a while, my wife learned my preferences. She generally got better and in turn, stopped making dishes she knew I wouldn't like.

As for gifts, clothing with a gift receipt is about the only thing I ask for. If there is anything I really want, I get it before any special occasion arrives.

Can't help you with the MIL. Wives seem to basically go nutty when moms come around. Fortunately, my MIL is 3000 miles and another continent away.

You're about to endure the wrath of Baz if he sees this post :D

Me, I have no advice WHATSOEVER....I don't have a clue...(I do know from experience that silence won't work either)

One of the old guys back at GE, when I was an young pup, told us when he first got married, his wife was a terrible cook. One of the women next door tried to help, by writing down a few recipes. The first one she tried was coffee cake.

First ingredient: One cup of coffee. So she got down the can of Folgers and scooped out a cup of grounds...

My first wife couldn't cook worth a ****e, so I taught her. Still not the best cook in the world, but she does a few dishes well. Same boat you're in with gifts, too. We were together almost 14 years, and she'd still get me things that made me give her the "Do you even know me?" look. A lot of my unhappiness with her, I sucked up and didn't mention. This was bad.

Current wife, I'm very honest with. She's a good cook, but due to our schedules (mine is more regular--when I'm in town), I usually do most of the cooking. She's a fabulous baker, though. Anyway, if she DOES make something that sucks, I let her know I don't like it, and tell her why. I think honesty is a very valuable tool, especially when it's delivered properly. There's no need to be an ass about something, just use words you'd like someone to use with you: "Thanks for making dinner tonight, babe, but it was really dry...maybe next time try doing ____." Stuff like that tends to not bother my wife. But once again, the current wife isn't great with gifts. Like a lot of guys, I just buy myself the stuff I want, and act happy when she gives me some crap I'll never use.

hahah..i did bad things to a cauliflower dish. she was quick to tell me. i was cool with it. it was funny.

my wife is pretty laid back. i just dont want to push my luck.

My wife now is a great cook. Wasn't so when we first got together. Once she made some country fried steak. It wasn't good. I took it outside and gave it to the dog. The dog didn't reconize it as food. Walked away. I just shook my head in amazment.
I found it best to try it, and eat around the stuff you don't like. If asked, "it's OK". She will figure it out from there.

Not too long after my wife (when still a girl friend) moved out to San Diego, we bought some dried peppers on-line so she could make her red chili sauce. The peppers that came were the smaller Chinese type. So she tried them anyway.

These peppers are much hotter than the large dried Mexican pepper. We tried her red sauce in enchiladas. I thought it was pretty good, but extremely hot. My wife, who really isn't used to extremely spicy food said:

"This is excellent, but inedible!"

That phrase is used, from time to time, as a joke...

There are two ways to argue with a woman, neither one works.

"Your wife's lament is none of your business"

So shut your mouth and listen to her.

OMG!!! My wife is into the mani/pedi thing, it makes her feel good so I give her the green light to get a manicure/pedicure, she is very frugal so has a hard time spending money on herself... but I encourage her to pamper herself... she is always going on the I should try it "it feels so good!" Mmmmm, yeah, let me get back to you on that... :rolleyes:


My wife also loves massages so I figured what the heck... I book us a couples massage... me at 56 years old my first massage... it was OK I guess but not like I would rush out to do it again... much prefer when my wife rubs my back (and front ;) ) now those massages often end in a happy ending (I know you guys were going there anyway!).

Vash, my evaluation may be wrong, I've never met you, but from what I've read here you are one of the most upfront, open and guileless people I know. I cannot believe your wife is unaware of those attributes, nor that she doesn't enjoy them. I don't think lying would be a good course for you. Be honest, and if/when you hurt her feelings, tell her, you know I'm not going to lie to you, if you know you are asking a question you want me to answer tactfully, you need to use tact when asking it. If you tell her you love a gift or food you don't like, expect to tell her how much you love it again and again.

I am an extremely bad at lying... I can tell a good lie... but it just doesn't site well with me... and like vash my first impulse/inclination is to simply blurt out the truth and let what ever happen... happen!

Because of that after three years of being married I am trying to master the art of STFU... but still working on it.

So, does buying stuff and not telling your wife count as lying? ;)

I love it when people are open and honest when I ask for an opinion... And in general . However, as a woman sometimes I just need to be told what I need to hear to make me feel good.
Fair to men, no but, such is life.

We've only been married for 8 years but, we are both great cooks and pick good presents :) I typically know when to e honest and when an ego needs a little stroking.

You can give her a "cooking timer" as a gift: smoke detector.

Cliffy, take a cooking class together.

You gotta to be honest with her, if not you will be eating the same damn thing again real soon. How much of that stuff can you feed your dog, or cat in your case, under the table?

I tell my MIL that I don't do no goddamn chicken feet.

Gifts, you say? My wife don't get gifts anymore. I told her not to but she buys my regular clothes. they are simple. Shorts with cargo pockets for phone and color doesn't really matter. Golf shirts and long sleeve shirts for the colder days here. She buys the same thing but in 4 different colors. I get t-shirts for free when I can from my vendors and I buy them sometimes. I buy my own hobby stuff when I have the time.

Damn it, fixed my spelling after the re-read

I'm blessed to have married a great mid-western cook; get meat w/taters & gravy weekly, spagetti/meat sauce is a staple, plus she can whip up something out of leftovers in a matter of minutes. She's been branching out into cajun and oriental dishes with good success. There's an occasional bomb, but never unedible. I let her know when something is below par but she already knows it.
Jim

that's all well and dandy, but after you've had enough lousy meals, you have to either start eating out, or kick her out of the kitchen and cook yourself......

My MIL was an orphan, so she had no one to teach her. Thus my wife can only cook the basics. I like some of it, but she's cooked some real duds over the years. Now my daughter can't cook.

Silence is golden.....amen to that!:D

I'm lucky, my wife can cook. I can't cook to save my life, if it doesn't come frozen I'm not making it. My wife also knows that the obscure stuff that I want is way beyond her gift buying ability, she normally just tells me to go pick something for myself. I'm smarter in that regard as well, unless I know for certain what she wants I just go with a gift card. Too many crash and burn gifts.

I can cook, always have.....when I was working 60-70 hours a week.....I was appreciative of the cooking help from my wife. The clean up was an issue. My house got cleaned when I did it.

Yes, there were three kids.....but she had no other outside work to take up her time. I got no support when I suggested that my three daughters help.

I also did my own laundry. I am now divorced. Their house is a mess.....

For X-mas last year my wife bought me some nifty titanium collar stays. I don't own a shirt with replaceable stays.

You would think she would know this, since she irons all of my shirts!

ok, enough of this yibber yabber! Here is the poop in a scoop...

Fact: Women are sensitive beyond understanding as far as men are concerned.

Observation: You don't seem to be the type to hurt her intentionally.

Situation: You say hurtful things because
A) Your Stupid
B) Your a Social Idiot
C) You Really Don't Care
D) Your a Guy

Please note, there is only oine correct answer yet women think that it is A, B or C - its not, its D

Result: She reacts by
A) Getting mad and becomes unreasonably rediculous to live with for a few hours to a few days
B) Crying
C) Holds a grudge and you don't get any nook nook for a fort night maybe longer
D) Gets all sorts of passave aggressive and twists your mind into thnking your at the same level as whale shyt.

So which one is it? Chances are - all of the above. So, what do you do? Well you have two basic choices:
A) do nothing, be true to yourself, you say things because you mean them. Stupidity is not an excuse or even a good explanation. Its a cop out. You say what you say and deep down you know why. So be it. It is what it is.
B) change and turn in your penis for a sad song.

Don't expect her to ever change - she won't. People don't change dramatically or quickly. The best you can hope for is that she is mindful with certain comboinations of spices and takes the strong hint not to shop gay for you.

And you can change very so slightly by being mindful of her poor cooking and lack of present sense - best be proactive. Here is how:
A) when its her night to cook, set out a recipe book and pre-stage the spices and herbs. At least it will get her half way there.
B) before a holiday of gift giving, place a few flyers of your 'wish list ' items on her night stand or under her morning coffee.

If she doesn't get the hint, know that you tried and thats good enough for Government work!

" Anyway, if she DOES make something that sucks, I let her know I don't like it, and tell her why. I think honesty is a very valuable tool, especially when it's delivered properly"

You have to be kidding, right? I'd take my own life before I'd do this around my place. I have a good understanding wife but I'll not get into honesty about cooking.:eek:

I've pretty well given up on women, whatever the relationship, including my wife. They make no sense and whatever positives they bring to the party are not worth the negatives.

She does her thing, I do mine....all is well. I eat what is put before me without comment....

D.

Too funny, i am so using this line.

Don't coment on the bad food...but heap praise on the good food. She will make food you like best..

I tell my wife if I don't like her cooking, etc. She tells me if she doesn't like mine. Not a big deal.

There are subjects that are off limits but food is too trivial to qualify.

Vash, I'm crying alll over my microwave pie. If there is anything you don't want to eat - I'll eat it.


Even the MIL. I'll have her. I'm not even married but the idea of having a MIL coming around with food, you have it too good.

Two way street, I can't get butthurt if she won't eat what I cook. There are subjects a lot more sensitive than cooking. My wife gave me a big ration when I got fat, I've tried to be more gracious.