Can you compartmentalize? How?

[Rick Lee]

For the first time in my life, I'm really struggling with work/life balance. Job is going horribly and I'm in real danger of getting canned for low performance. My two biggest customers, who make up a disproportionate chunk of my annual revenue, have shifted plans and are spendning next to nothing this year. I'm not supposed to prospect for new business, so I'm stuck trying to offset these losses by upselling to existing customers and it's not going well.

I work from home, so I have a super work/life balance. I see my boss twice a year and haven't been to the main office in two years. In fact, I often have to try to burn up vacation days at the end of the year because I don't have to take time off to do personal stuff other than real vacation travel.

Anyway, I am having a very hard time not worrying about work stuff when I'm "off the clock." I am very customer service-oriented, so I always answer my phone and emails right away, no matter the time or night, weekend or holiday. And I actually like dealing with customers. I don't even consider it work. But the internal company BS is dragging me down and, geezus, I was on stage at a gig last night, playing some difficult music, and worrying about my next call with my boss tomorrow morning. WTF?

How do you separate work and personal time? I need to start working on this because it's getting me down and I never really worried about it in the past. Now it's becoming a big problem. Who's an expert at this and how did you get to be one?

[porsche4life]

Sounds like in my limited experience that you were doing well until the SHTF... It's normal to worry when there is danger on the horizon, and it would concern me more if you weren't worried about it.


Why won't they let you prospect for new clients? We actively push for new accounts all the time, for exactly the reason you mention.

[Rick Lee]

We have a separate department for new business development and it has not been going well. But we're not supposed to compete with them. Though I suspect that will change soon. Doesn't matter now. New accounts always start out small and then grow big after a year or two. I was the best at it when we still did it along with account management. But that's all in the past. There's no chance of replacing my two biggest spenders with new accounts. Ain't gonna happen. I'm not so much worried about how to fix my work problems as I am how to learn how to compartmentalize. Work problems will always come and go. But compartmentalizing will be a skill for life.

[Gogar]

I don't have much perspective because (as you know) my life is sort of a big tidal wave of strange stuff, especially when things are busy or going well.

My only suggestion is that you don't need to 'forget' one while you're doing the other, but you need to let your brain surrender to the task at hand, otherwise you're doing a disservice to EVERY part of your life.

Sometimes when I'm at work doing my fun daily job I find myself thinking about section 179 deductions or my GMCR trailing stop order and I have to mentally slap myself and give myself a STFU for a second.

In the same spirit I suggest if you can go play a gig and not feel guilty about enjoying it you'll do yourself a huge service intellectually at your day gig.

[HardDrive]

Don't compartmentalize. Start looking for your next job. It will put you in command of your destiny.

[Evans, Marv]

I doesn't sound to me you're actually worried about "compartmentalizing", you're worried about "getting canned." That's a good reason for worrying. As long as your existence is threatened, it'll intrude on the rest of your life. Good advice about beginning thinking about that next job. Another possibility would be proposing some arrangement where you can "assist" that part of the business that's supposed to be drumming up new accounts, or helping organize & intergrate that part of the business with yours and others like you. If you are as you describe, you should be an asset for developing new accounts and still servicing your existing ones - along with whatever new ones you get.

[Rick Lee]

Yes, new job search is in full swing. But I don't want to make a lateral move unless I have to. My current gig is very good about getting you all fat and happy, so you'll be loathe to leave for anything less than a way better gig. And those gigs don't grow on trees.

I have no doubt they're going to fix things between account management and new business development. But everything they say they'll do takes 6-9 mos. longer to actually get moving and, even if I survive that long, my income is dropping like a rock. My boss, for all his ball busting and tough talk, has never once fired someone in the 11 yrs. I've worked for him. I don't take that to mean I'm safe. But it'd be a big move and he has to know it would make a lot of others start thinking about their next job. And all that means I will continue to be the target of regular verbal beatings because 1) I dont' see how I can make up my shortfall in 2013 and 2) in sales you're only as good as your last month.

To make things worse, the way our goals and commission plan are structured, the company doesn't really expect many people to make 100% goal. And that's why they start paying commissions at 70% of goal. Fewer than 10% of the sales people finish the year at 100% goal. And when more than that have, they really raised the goals the next year, figuring it had gotten too easy for us. And that means I don't have a "proven track record" of having always blown away goals, which a lot of other sales jobs ask for in their ads.

Anyway, the point of it all is to figure out how to shut off all the job negativity when I'm doing personal stuff and am off the clock. I literally wake up in the middle of night and worry about the stuff I know I have to deal with a few hours later. Not good.

[aigel]

We already established that this is not your normal job situation, so it is natural to be more stressed out. I can only recommend plenty of daily cardio exercise. It will be good for your mind and make you tired. When I get stressed, I feel my body revving up to physically get away / fight / do something about the "danger", so the best thing is to move and put that energy to use.

I also think that there is nothing better to turn off than track driving. You will not think about work while you are doing 90 mph in a hard turn on a road course.

In the end you have to get to the root of the stress, like everyone has already said. Lateral move or not, do it, get it over with, move on.

G

[speeder]

Wish I could help but I would be stressing too in the same situation. When you're livelihood is threatened, it's hard not to think about it. George's advice about cardio exercise is good, I should take it myself. I'm having a good year work wise but can't help thinking that it won't last...I'm trying to stay in the *now*, as they say. That's where the fun is.

[Rick Lee]

Yes, I do a lot of cardio and it does help. I love to sweat to the extent you could wring my clothes out. I usually hit the gym at around 4pm. But, because I need to be avail. for work then, I put my Blackberry on the magazine rest on the eliptical machine. That doesn't stress me out. Only once or twice has it been so important, that I had to stop to go back to work. Most of my stress is on Sundays, when I'm starting to dread Monday morning, which I really have never done in any job until recently. I just need to figure out how to really not think about work except when I need to.

I was taking a nap on the couch today when I heard some emails come in on my work account. One was a referral from a current customer, which is always good news. Another was a meeting invite from my boss to discuss my numbers on Tues. morning. I didn't have to respond today, but I couldn't have not seen that email while looking at the other one, which was good and time sensitive. So now I'm worrying about it when I shouldn't be until Tues. morning.

[tweezers74]

Very interesting thread. There is a lot of stuff going on here and I think you have gotten a lot of good advice. My advice is going to be atypical. You keep focusing on trying to compartmentalize, but men are naturally good at that. It's a known fact men usually focus on one thing at a time. You are. All you think about is work. You say you want to turn it off but you haven't even said one thing about your off work life. That's the key to everything.

Sometimes, when we get too focused and "compartmentalized", we don't see the whole picture. That's where we mess up. In the short term and being "compartmentalized", I think you should focus on the job thing. Focus on finding a new job. That will take care of all this negativity and worrying. It sounds like this job has run its course anyway.

The separating of job and personal life is a very good lifelong skill to have and is a totally different topic. You guys are probably laughing at me because I am probably one of the younger ones on this forum and you are saying to yourselves what does she know about what life skills to have? I have said this before, being a hospice nurse teaches you a lot about life and death!

My male patients were always talking about how they wished they didn't take their job so seriously. That they saw how missed opportunities with their kids, spouse, friends, etc passed them by while they were trying to attain the next big career move. On your death bed, you are forced to look at the whole picture because you are there. Your picture is done. You can't paint anymore so you have to accept what you have painted. All of a sudden, men can separate work and personal life when they are forced to prioritize like this. Well, I shouldn't just say men. Women do too when faced with death.

One patient stands out in my mind. Successful architect. Beautiful house that was ceiling to floor windows that overlooked a beautiful valley of trees. He designed it. His bed faced out to this valley. We would both look out at the beautiful view as I organized his meds, emptied his catheter, called for his pain meds. His room with dressing room, closet, and bathroom was bigger than my house. But he died in that bed. Without a spouse or friends. His maid told me he had lost touch with all of them and she didn't know of any family. He had asked me once while I was taking care of him what I dreamed of. What I wanted in life. I told him I was still figuring it out. He said don't be like me. An old man on his death bed wishing he had done differently. I never forgot that.

So how do you turn off the stress? By reminding yourself to look at the whole picture. Will not returning that customer phone call for 6 hours instead of 1 hour really make a huge difference? And if it does, fine, but is that how you want to live your life? I turn it off by telling myself that if I lost my job because I didn't answer a phone call or an email because I didn't check my phone or computer after picking my boys up from school, it's ok. When I got laid off, I worried but at night I enjoyed my boys. Why? Big picture. When I am on my death bed, I know I will want to know that I spent my time on the people I love and the things I enjoy. Because that can never be replaced or found again. Another job? Always can be found. Especially if you are good at what you do and it sounds like you are.

Enough of my two cents. Totally different than the advice I suspect you were seeking. Take what you want from it and forget the rest.

I wish you luck. In the end, it's just a job.

[Rick Lee]

Thanks for that thoughtful post and a perspective other than a man's. But my problem isn't with the day-day duties of my job. I have literally had to skip going out to dinner on a Sat. night when I was on my way out the door and my biggest client called with an issue. And I was fine with it. That's rare. But I really do love dealing with my clients and I am happy to help. My clients don't shake my hand when I arrive at their offices. They hug me. I love dealing with them and am probably too informal about it all. It's the internal BS I struggle with. And that only lessens when you're crushing your numbers, which I have no chance of doing this year. I have to feign being upbeat when doing my monthly reviews with my boss and that's when he's not in Jeckyl-Hyde mode with in-between calls and emails.

As for my non-work life, rest assured, it's fulfilling and busy. Just had my third gig (between Pittsburgh and Phoenix) last night in two months after about a year of trying to put something together. And I think the gigs will be flooding in after last night's.

I have ridden my bike to CA twice so far this year for work and play and gotten paid to do it. It's a good gig and, when it's good, it's great.

FWIW, this is what I was doing last night (and got paid for it).



And I sheet you not, while I was playing this, I was thinking about the BS I have to deal with at work tomorrow, which is probably why I couldn't play this again if you held a gun to my head. I was in a different zone and that's not good.

[RANDY P]

"it only lessens when you're crushing your numbers.."

Life of sales. What you are doing is a typical response - you are in free fall since the typical routine isn't working and you are trying to get on track, and worrying about the two ton elephant (production #'s) in the room. You want a solution and you can't find it right now. It's concern for your future.

You got to level with yourself. If there is no hope of getting new prospects, the company isn't going to give you a hand on this, they changed the structure so it doesn't work well anymore and your paycheck is now destroyed, then maybe it's time to consider cutting your losses and moving on. Your income has to have taken a hit as well, and it's better to leave now before it's official news you got cut for production, it's just speculation at the moment.

Start putting your feelers out, and relax a bit. If it's gonna happen and you have exhausted all your resources, just acknowledge it and start seeking.

Good salespeople always, always have a job. Seek while your stats are good and you still have time. Also, don't be hard on yourself, every salesperson takes a beating once in awhile- it's chemistry, both with your product and your clients. If it was so easy to get along and sell product, they wouldn't need guys like us.

rjp

[Rick Lee]

Originally Posted by RANDY P

[B]
Good salespeople always, always have a job.

And this begs the question as to whether I've only been successful in this job because the boss likes me so much and I also get along with his boss pretty well. I dunno. I am pretty sure he's protected me in the past and he is a good guy and a stellar salesman and boss. I've simply been with him too long and need to get outside the comfort zone in order to get refreshed. But again, I can't make a lateral move unless I'm unemployed. I need to find a better gig and that's a tall order.

[tonivteu]

You got to level with yourself. If there is no hope of getting new prospects, the company isn't going to give you a hand on this

[LWJ]

"Most of my stress is on Sundays, when I'm starting to dread Monday morning"

Rick. I feel for you. I am in sales as well. I don't know why but I have stress cycles. Sometimes, it gets very bad. I have always had the stress creep up on me and then slide back down somehow. It isn't that great for me right now. Not certain what the deal is but I don't like it. I was thinking as I lay awake last night grinding on work issues that i really do work much of the time I am awake as I constantly think about work. That kind of sucks.

I don't have a solution. I do know I have had it way worse than now. I suspect you will also. The worst part is corporate incompetance is driving your stress. I had an employer that did that as well. They are gone now. Go figure. Is there any chance you could write a proposal to show how you can add value in regards to new business acquisition? If so, you can perhaps leap-frog up the ladder, improve your income, improve your company, and improve your co-workers lives? I have a genius friend that did this successfully for a fortune 500 company here in Portland that makes tennis shoes. She created a department and ran it. Vision and bottom line performance are welcome in corporate America.

I know you are a sales pro. I have read your posts and recognize someone who, like me, excell at sales. I guess that my thought is that you need to re-frame the situation and demonstrate leadership. They can take it or not but at least you will have been proactive. And as you mentioned, the job search stays in full swing. The proactive leadership will also make a GREAT example of why you need to move on if they reject it.

Have a great day!
Larry

[nynor]

Originally Posted by HardDrive

Don't compartmentalize. Start looking for your next job. It will put you in command of your destiny.

this. i was fit to be tied with my work situation. then, i made a goal to apply for new jobs, at least one a week. doing so calmed my inner fears, it made me feel like i had some control of my work-destiny. things calmed down a bit at work, but i still apply for new jobs that interest me and look/network all the time. when management pulls something stupid/unethical, i just laugh at them (inwardly) and continue doing my job. eventually, something i want/like will come along and i'll be there.

[scottmandue]

I can't help much because I am in pretty much the opposite situation.

Mine is not a bad job but I would rather be somewhere else... that and I live paycheck to paycheck making $20 an hour.

I am a state worker so I accept the low pay for uber security and loads of bennies... but then I am the "evil state worker wasting you tax dollars".

One thing I have that you do not... at the end of the day I hop in my car and leave work (geographic) behind. I see how working from home can be great... but the downside being you never leave your workplace.

YMMV

[craigster59]

A lot of great advice here, especially Tweeze's. I think that "working on Plan B/ exit strategy" should give some relief and give you command of the situation, not let the situation command you.

It's easy to let things consume you that you really don't have much control over. "Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy." is a quote from Leo Buscaglia that I always find apropos. Also, my friend likes to say "Worry is like paying interest on a debt that never comes due."

They both can help to simplify and enjoy your life. This is the real thing, it ain't no dress rehearsal.

[tweezers74]

Originally Posted by craigster59

A lot of great advice here, especially Tweeze's. I think that "working on Plan B/ exit strategy" should give some relief and give you command of the situation, not let the situation command you.

It's easy to let things consume you that you really don't have much control over. "Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy." is a quote from Leo Buscaglia that I always find apropos. Also, my friend likes to say "Worry is like paying interest on a debt that never comes due."

They both can help to simplify and enjoy your life. This is the real thing, it ain't no dress rehearsal.

Like.