how would you end a relationship?
 

I think I am in a relationship that has run its course, this is an amazing lady who does not deserve to get hurt. Her son drives me absolutely mad.....and I have reached my boiling point.
She moved into my house three years ago.....so I know there will be issues with settlements et all, I get that.
My issue is how to do this without causing any un do pain...We share a tight circle of friends so being able to deal with each other socially after the breakup would be nice.
I feel like a horrible person...but I think its time for me to happy, I am often my happiest when on my own.....

Just tell her what you just told us. Yank the bandaid off quickly

Mike, this is starting to sound like a Saturday Night Live Roseanne Roseannadanna "If it ain't one thing, it's another" skit.

Different Mike.

Then again, there does seem to be a pattern with Mikes. Hmmm...

Gonna be tough with child and years of co-habitation. I see lawyers in your future.

My apologies, Mike. I confused you with the other Mike, Thanks Todd.

Do you want to break up with her or her son?

IMHO you should leave the son out of it. Don't blame anyone. Just tell her you're done. You're sorry of course but it's just not what you thought it would be and it's not what you want.

Three years co-hab shouldn't be a big issue.

I could carry on this relationship easier without the son but really I am starting to feel really disconnected with the whole thing.

The kid is only here every second week but its like the week from hell for me. I guess I just don't have the patience I once had....I have done the kids and family thing already, kinda looking forward to some extra freedom. Sounds very selfish as I type this out, but shoot.....shouldn't I be living this life for me???

Rosana rosanadana.......classic! NOT THAT MIKE........ but pretty F'd up in my own right!

Well you're certainly entitled to live for yourself. But then you're likely to be alone alot. I live for me and my kids but haven't had a long term hunny in 20 years. I've recently reconsidered my position.

Ha ha! Hey... wait a minute!

I agree with #2 but it won't be easy. You might ask her about it. You never know, the same thing may be going through her mind. Probably is.

Does she have the funds to move out and be on her own?

Seriously, I would go to her and say things aren't working out. And, what does she think? If she agrees, you're more than half way there.

Does she know her son drives you crazy?

Maybe instead of ending the relationship you could suggest a change in living arraignment.

She will have to live some where else any way. Perhaps not having to deal with the son will let the good parts of the relationship come to the fore again.

Tell her "it's not you, it's me".

If you truly care just be honest.
If she truly cares she will understand.

No.....actually I don't know who to talk to about this before talking to her.
Its tearing me up inside.
I have had some great solutions and ideas from others on THIS forum.
Sometimes when you soul search its nice to see what others would do in your situation.
I'm sorry if it felt like a waste of your time.

As you know there is no nice way of doing this so just end it.

She may ask why? Tell her why. It may be painful to hear your reasons but at least she'll know.
And something to keep in mind.

It's not about being cruel or kind, it's about being honest. She deserves that.

Cue "50 ways to leave your lover"...

There are several ways you can gently tell someone that the relationship is over.

NONE OF THEM WORK.

Don't try to ease into it, let her down slowly, drop hints... Just be honest about what you want and then stick to your guns. "Try one more time" or "Can we be just friends?" rarely works. Be prepared for this to affect your relationship with mutual friends. IMO, bringing up the son will cause her to be defensive. The blame game ensues. That said, she will want to know why and after that long living together she deserves an honest answer.

Sorry to hear of your pain. This too shall pass.

I can think of lots of bad ways to do it but no good ways.

Just do it as best you can. Don't expect it to be pretty. Expect your mutual friends to make it more difficult than needed.

I just did this back in February. We weren't living together, but she had offered. Truly a charming young woman. Same circle of friends. We work at the same company. Huge PITA oldest daughter.

After the breakup there were hurt feelings and disappointment on both sides. Surprisingly, our friends and coworkers caused most of the hurtful drama.

I a little disappointed that no one has suggested that he fake his own death yet...

In all seriousness, there is no good way. Frankly being honest and straightforward is the best approach. And in fact, being that way generally helps to keep a relationship from going south. It is not a game to be won or lost though many seem to treat it that way.

The most important part is figuring out why you picked someone that didn't work out. After you're out of the relationship. Good luck, it'll suck.

"Baby, Sweetheart, love of my life - I've been noticing some chicken tracks at the corners of your eyes. And your chestal region - it's definitely heading south. Those buns I used to love so much? They're looking like flatbread. You know I can't handle this kind of schit, I'm just too shallow and insecure. So here's the deal - GTF out."

OK, so I've been watching Sopranos reruns.

removed - ns

As for talking to your woman, just pick a time and place where there will be no interruptions (phones off) and just look her in the eye and be fully honest with her. It's optional whether you bring her son into it. If you feel he has been challenging your behind her back and that it probably won't stop, tell her that.

Also, talk with her at an open-ended time, not one in which you or she has to be somewhere in an hour or two. That lets her know you genuinely care for her feelings, and also expresses that you always considered it a serious relationship, not an open-ended fling.

Best wishes... it's not going to be easy, but it doesn't have to be something that you dread.

The kid may be driving her crazy too. How old and how long might the kid be in the picture? Things do change. Just the other side of the coin. Good luck.

Passed by one of my watering holes this morning and saw apparently one guy's solution...


http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1375063034.jpg

Most excellent moderating! :D SmileWavy

You could always leave your computer on and open to this page.......well maybe not this page (wouldn't want her to see the kids fighting) but on page one of this thread. :)

It would start the conversation .............

Do you like where you live, the city, your job, friends? Do you rent a house or own? If none of those things are that great... just leave.

What I mean is, slowly sell off any expensive toys you may own (car, boat?), book a trip to the philippines for a month long vacation and leave a note one day stating that you had to go and whatever material possessions you left behind she can keep as hers, give away, etc.

Obviously if you are a homeowner, this is difficult.

But it is seriously one of the easier ways to deal with problems; get far away from them.

I speak from experience.

I've broken up with people, and I've been broken up with...

Get somewhere that you won't be interrupted. Go straight to it. Don't pussy-foot around, you're not going to "be friends", no one is going to change, no one is going to give it another chance, etc. Break up and review the conditions of her leaving. This will put her in a bind so be prepare to come to an agreement on when she will leave. Help her out financially if needed to get her own place. Maybe it is not money you WANT to spend, but trust me, it's cheap in the end.

Then speak no harsh words to her, to the son, or to your friends (I don't think you would - just throwing that out here). Your mutual friends will bring the breakup point in conversation. Take the high road "You wish it had worked out, she's terrific, and you wish her nothing but the best in the future..." and that's it. Subject is not discussed, conversation moves along.

Your goal is to move on with your life without drama. This will help you get to that point as quickly and painlessly as possible.

angela

Huh? What? Hmmmm....

Ya, what they said

I went through something similar a few years ago. Loved her but her family and all that brought to the table were going to be a problem down the road. She had a 20 year old son who got his girlfriend pregnant and she ended up providing most of the care for the grandchild at my home. I felt like crap for ending it, felt selfish at the time but had to look out for myself. Fast forward 6 years, her son produced another 2 grandkids, she is currently in court fighting for custody after the state removed them from the parental home, blah, blah....dodged a bullet. She's a great person but her life was a mess and I didn't want to make it mine. I was honest with her, we are still friends today and I'm helping with the court stuff by being a character reference.

Purely coincedental. I assure you......I think?

WWHHAATT!!!!!
He will become half of what he was.

Tell her your a homo....now.
Its not your fault. Its all those women talk shows that you champion for tickets.

Not quite. Under Canadian law she is only entitled to 1/2 of what is acquired during the relationship. He is also entitled to 1/2 of what she acquired during the time they were together. They have no children together.

Example is if he owned the house before she moved in. Say it was worth $300k when she moved in and it's gone up in value over the 3 years of 10% and is now worth $330K So it has a accrued value of $30k. Split it's $15K. That's what she is entitled to. It's all spelt out in the Marital Properties Act (which covers common-law relationships).

All this is just simple accounting. It only gets ugly when people fight over silly things and then the lawyers make a bunch of money.

Here's the full scoop for Alberta: http://www.slsedmonton.com/family/common-law-relationships/

Mike I don't know about your local laws regarding settlements etc, but it might be an idea to talk to your lawyer first. Set that sh it over and done with then focus on the emotional stuff after that.

I usually let them get REALLY angry with me and they dump me. I try to hide my... I make it look like I'm trying not to cry and play the part of the victim (it may be a lot cheaper too).