Fair is fair, what about those who DIDN'T stay married?

[scottmandue]

We had a pro marriage thread now what about the other side?
Personally I know a lot of super nice/good/smart people that have a divorce in their history.

Also I know we had a lot of Pelicans pile on with the "stay married" thread however I also know many here have gone through a divorce.

I guess I am asking when/how did you know it was over and how painful was the process?

TIA

[bivenator]

I knew it was over with the first wife when after a very brief trial separation I found her in bed with the bartender. Pretty much sealed the deal for me.

[LakeCleElum]

It was 1984.....My daughter was 4 yrs old.......Wife worked in the front office for a dentist...Our house was on a creek, the medical offices were on the other side of the creek....I would look out my kitchen window and see her at her desk at work......

Dentist was married with 2 kids......She dumped me for the dentist. He went broke in the area and they moved to Bangor, ME about 12 years later......

I still find it very painful to go to the dentist...

[911SauCy]

My best friend just got caught banging his employers wife...

Was as much of a surprise to me as it was to his employer and wife. He's got a 6yo and 3mo...they're going to try and work through it.

[HardDrive]

Originally Posted by 911SauCy

My best friend just got caught banging his former employers wife...

Fixed it for ya.

[red-beard]

First wife had, I think, at least 5 affairs. I worked overseas and then around the US and was only home some of the time. She eventually ran off with the "last" one. It hurt, but it was really the best thing that could have happened.

Ex-Wife (aka #2), was an alcoholic. First few years were a lot of fun. Then it started to wear on me. Then her drinking got worse. A lot worse. She then started thinking "I" was going to have an affair, which only made the drinking worse. Which made her crazy beliefs worse. Which made the drinking worse...etc.

I probably stayed in the marriage about 2 years longer than I should have because I was already divorced once.

Married third time and this is it. If something gets screwed up in this one, it will be my fault, because this one is an Angel.

[wdfifteen]

I strongly suspected my first marriage was a mistake before we even said, "I do," but I didn't trust my decision making enough to call it off. I went through with it and hoped my intuition was wrong. It wasn't.
Second marriage was a not really a marriage. My first experience was so horrible I wanted nothing to do with traditional marriage again. I was friends with a woman and we got along well, but she had lots of health problems, including pain drug addiction. I married her so she could get health insurance and I thought I could help her with her addiction. Her father once asked me, "Did you really think you would have a normal marriage with her?" and I said, "Of course not. I don't want a normal marriage." We got along OK but her health problems and her addiction got worse. She moved away and went back to depending on the SSI. As far as I know she is still alive, but I haven't heard from her in years.
Looking back I figure my first two marriages cost me somewhere close to a million dollars. Expensive lessons.
Current wife - we'd know each other for 11 years and were really good friends before we decided to get married. I found out I really do like married life - at least with her. It was the best decision I've ever made. I've never been so happy.

[recycled sixtie]

[QUOTE=wdfifteen;8474493]I strongly suspected my first marriage was a mistake before we even said, "I do," but I didn't trust my decision making enough to call it off.

I was the same way with the first marrriage. Fortunately I did not have children. The first wedding was expensive and breaking off was harder because of this. Meanwhile after 6.5 years of marriage I had enough and left.

Meanwhile 30 years later on second marriage and have a daughter. Sometimes a person has to go through the tough times to find a better solution.

In the meantime the daughter is getting married this year and am trying to pass on my wisdom(?).

Guy

[Evans, Marv]

First wife & I were very active socially, sports wise, & in the professional & academic community. She was a real academic type - 3 Bachelors, 2 Masters, & PhD. We wandered apart, especially me professionally, after about 8 years and I decided to call it quits a couple of years after. We're actually still friends & she married a very nice guy. She's still working at 70 supervising PhD/Masters programs at an eastern university. I didn't remarry until about 13 years later to a girl I'd known for about 12 years at that time. Still married & think she's the best that ever could be.

[scottmandue]

I think it is pretty much universally accepted that if your spouse is cheating on you it is game over.

I'm also not advocating divorce and think it is great that many of you married your best friend/soul mate... however even friends change with time and relationships fall apart.

Originally Posted by wdfifteen

I strongly suspected my first marriage was a mistake before we even said, "I do," but I didn't trust my decision making enough to call it off. I went through with it and hoped my intuition was wrong.

And then there is that...

[AFC-911]

Gotta get married first before a divorce is even a possibility. lol

[flatbutt]

Lost mine to a work place affair. Took me a year to realize I wasn't being paranoid, that it really was happening. Horrible divorce which took a toll on our kids despite best efforts to spare them. Now 27 years later I am still single.

[scottmandue]

Anyone marry fun, happy, sexy gal that in a few years became a grumpy and unaffectionate person?

[asphaltgambler]

Experienced way more than a few 'live-in's and sleep-overs prior to my first marriage at 29. She was someone who I had known in high school and we had dated. I was very, very wild and up until then, believed my self to be the modern day 'Johnny Spermseed'..........................but thought I was ready to settle down then. We married, bought a little house in a little subdivision and a new little econobox car. In a year I already felt dead, trapped in this BS suburban life. I was always felt uncomfortable, like I was missing something.
I met a stripper at a bar while on an extended work assignment / training. That was it. My first wife was a very good person, great career, totally in love with me and very good looking...............................but at the time all that wasn't enough, the 1 flaw was she would not let me date.
After a 3 live-in strippers, wild biker chicks, bar beauties, etc, etc................. I suddenly found myself 40 years old and missing something again. This time I longed for someone like what I had in my first wife. Talk about a 180............

[Bill Douglas]

I thought I'd skip the marriage and divorce thing. So just stayed unmarried.

[Gretch]

married a girl in the image of my mother........ and she turned out to be a a mean spirited drunk, too. Stayed 23 years, to get the kids raised.

been sole mates with my current bride for 24 years........ I adore the ground she walks on.

[Oh Haha]

I dated my first wife for about 8 years before we decided to get married. I was 27 and she was 30. You know how they say everything changes when you sign the license?...

Well, it sure as fark DID in my case!!!!!

One night she went out with friends and at 5am wasn't home yet. I drove around looking for her and finally spotted her car at a house. I went to the front door and saw her sitting next to a guy in his underpants. Nothing was going on but you can only imagine what I was thinking.

This was about 6 months after we were married. To say I was devastated would be an understatement. She claimed that nothing happened but to me it didn't matter WHAT she said. To put herself in a compromising position was bad enough.

We separated shortly after as it was clear forgiveness wasn't happening from me.

I found out during our separation that she had been talking to the dude several times a day. This was before cell phones but I had an inside person at the phone company. shhhh

We got back together as I wasn't willing to get divorced after only 1 year. She had a daughter from a previous relationship but we had no kids together.

The infidelity, real or not, was just too much for me to accept. We were together for about another 8 months but it totally sucked. I just couldn't trust her and I went into complete jacka$$ mode. I had no control of my emotions and made our life horrible because of it. I regret the way I treated her(no physical abuse but words can bruise a person,too).

I was determined to make it work but every day was just emptiness. No love, caring, or anything else.

One Sunday I looked at her and said "I can't live this way". Her reply was "me either".

Seriously, at that moment I could feel this heavy weight being lifted from me.

Our divorce was amicable and I gave her the house which she put in her name. No kids so that wasn't an issue. I didn't have a close relationship with her daughter.

I paid about $3000 in the end but it was well spent.

While single I took a promotion at work and moved 75 miles from my hometown. I didn't date anyone until I met my current(and last)wife.

Even after all of the pain I suffered it was still the best life decision I could have made.

On another note, my best friend and his wife recently divorced. I don't know the details but their relationship was one that I envied. I spent a lot of time with them when going though my divorce.

Sorry that was so long. It's still hard to believe it's been 17 years.

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by scottmandue

Anyone marry fun, happy, sexy gal that in a few years became a grumpy and unaffectionate person?

My dad did.

[scottmandue]

As long as we are talking about friends, ironically two of my friends got divorced around five years ago just as I was getting married.
First couple were a little wild (smoked, drank, partied) and seemed like they were made for each other... problem was the gal was an overachiever and she took partying to the next level... then she started cheating... they tried to get together a few times but he couldn't get over the cheating and she didn't want to mellow out on the partying... he got a really good lawyer and cut her loose to the tune of around $10K

Second couple met in college and we best buddies and lovers... for about twenty years... then she became a crazy cat/dog lady and lost all interest in sex... my (best) buddy hung in there for another ten years but when he finally brought up the subject she was happy about the idea and they agreed how to split things up, ended up just paying for paperwork, around $2K.

[Rusty Heap]

"Mary Ann, or Ginger?"