My house has turned into a youth hostel!....HELP!

[968rz]

I agree with TargaMe and Dad911.

[Evans, Marv]

I agree you have lost control. No doubt you are good natured, loving parents with a good relationship with your son. You may be able to regain control of the situation (and your house) by cluing your son in. Kids are very tribal. It doesn't occur to them older people are much less so. As long as they are together having a good time and not causing problems, they are happy and think everybody else is also happy with the situation. I would try sitting down with him and explaining straight forward the situation has developed into too much, and as much as you don't mind and even enjoy his friends, some ground rules and boundaries need to be set and respected. Let him know having everybody there for so much time causes you to feel responsible for taking your time away from what you have to do to insure being available if something happens and the kids having a good time. Propose times and boundaries and ask him to explain it to his friends and let him know his friends are welcome to ask you about it any time. If this doesn't work, just go to the nuclear option.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by Targa Me

Enjoy the noise while you can.

My son just moved out and now the house is very quiet, spooky quiet.

I miss my son and all his friends coming over.

My wife and I feel the same exact way. The is the last summer of "noise".

Holidays and summers at the farm are packed with friends that actually stay for weeks at a time. It is as it should be, at least in my mind. We do set boundaries and if they stay they work.

A visit to the No Tell Motel after a dinner out on Saturday heals all.

[not sharp]

^^^^^
As hawk says, no tell is an adventure, as is lovers lane, you will understand why the 911 hood

is sloped at such a precise angle!!!

[2porscheguy]

Originally Posted by Hydrocket

FFS...you're an example of parents who can't set boundaries and don't know how to say "NO".

You're probably right!

Being an only child, my son has had it pretty easy and this has carried on into adolescence and now into early adulthood.

[2porscheguy]

Originally Posted by Targa Me

Enjoy the noise while you can.

My son just moved out and now the house is very quiet, spooky quiet.

I miss my son and all his friends coming over.

As for the sex thing... close the bedroom door and go for it. If they don't like hearing you, they'll leave.

This too! Though he's a pain sometimes, they'll come a day when he moves out and we'll both wish for the pain to come back!

As for the sex thing....I'm not sure closing the bedroom door would be enough as we can get pretty wild sometimes!.....nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more, say no more!!!

[aigel]

I would keep them around but just tell them Saturday 7-12, go out and don't be home, you need some quiet time with the wife.

I don't see this at all as "you lost control". Your kids need to be feeling good about being home and if they are with you, you will know what's going on and who they are hanging out with. Especially under 21, when they can't go to a lot of venues, there is a lot of bad stuff going on in terms of teen hangouts.

G

[2porscheguy]

Spot on aigel!

I know he's not hanging out in bars (drinking age is 18 here in AB) getting into potential trouble. It seems every weekend there is a stabbing somewhere in town just outside a bar. Kids nowadays don't fight with their fists anymore...it's all knifes! Who ever is the quickest to flick out the blade.....facken cowards!

As far as his friends are concerned, our rule here is nobody drinks and drives! There has to be a designated driver and that has to be reported to us before the "evening starts". As a last resort they are welcome to crash in our trailer parked beside our garage.

[dad911]

Originally Posted by 2porscheguy

......As a last resort they are welcome to crash in our trailer parked beside our garage.

You didn't tell us you had a trailer! Problem Solved:

[Hugh R]

9PM-midnight?

My hat is off to you Sir!

[SilberUrS6]

Originally Posted by Hugh R

9PM-midnight?

My hat is off to you Sir!

I was thinking the same thing. 2100-2105, asleep by 2115.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by 2porscheguy

As far as his friends are concerned, our rule here is nobody drinks and drives! There has to be a designated driver and that has to be reported to us before the "evening starts". As a last resort they are welcome to crash in our trailer parked beside our garage.

Young men and women want to be left alone; but they also want, for the most part, to know all is well, that they are safe.

We have the same rules here: Nobody drinks and leaves unless the driver has not had a drink.

My sons friends prefer it. Our basement is large and has a pool table, big screen, a separate bathroom and other facilities. There is a beach 200 feet away. They like to stay and relax.

The rules work because they all know them in advance and know I will, quietly, enforce them.

I will miss these days. The chum...they are gone too soon, wisps of parenthood we all regret have passed. I'll be bumpin' ugly with the Divine Miss Seahawk long after the kids are gone.

[scottmandue]

I was going to half jokingly suggest what has already been said RE: have REALLY loud sex... kids in the teens and twenties are extremely grossed out at the thought of mature adults having sex (as if they are going to stop doing the nasty after they reach 40 )

But, on a more practical note... My wife and I did the long distance thing because her daughter was 16 when we met and the kid was doing great in school/sports had a nice bunch of friends, didn't smoke or drink... blah, blah, blah... so we agreed to let her finish school there and then send off to college and get on with our lives.

All that to say we only saw each other every two weeks...
Good news was that after being apart for two weeks it was almost always a guarantied hook up.
Bad news was while the daughter was supposed to alternate weekends with her dad that didn't always happen so some weekends it was the three of us in a small two bedroom apartment.

On those weekends we would go on "trips"... usually about two or three miles from the apartment

It works on so many levels... there is something romantic about slipping away to a hotel... plus it gets your wife away from the house and any distractions.
We would book a place the had free breakfast and a free cocktail hour.

[porsche4life]

Sounds like the RV is your answer.... Crank up the AC about 5pm. Chill a bottle of wine and head out about 9 and have yourselves a little luv shack....

[RF5BPilot]

A local community chased kids out of parking lots at night by playing classical opera, loudly.

You could have an opera night periodically.