Your good buddy is getting married to the wrong girl for all the wrong reasons..

[fintstone]

Originally Posted by cockerpunk

1. you wouldn't have car insurance unless you were forced to? um, thats a terrible idea.

2. how about homeonwers insurance? you carry that right?

1. Why is that?

2. Only because I have to.

[nostatic]

Originally Posted by Bob Kontak

I resemble that remark.

you're not the only one

[Don Ro]

Originally Posted by dentist90

I heard an expression once that has stuck with me:

"It is better to be alone than to be with people that make you feel that way."

I like that!
.
Here's one of mine:
"To be around someone who demonstrates no caring is not as painful as being with someone who pretends to care."
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I found myself saying to my ex g/f (Borderline Personality Disorder):
"I fell alone when I'm with you."

[Don Ro]

Originally Posted by fastfredracing

I am going to guess he has had some therapy in his life, but never been spoken between us. Not quite sure how I would even to begin to bring that up . I know he always seeks approval from everyone around him, and is always asking for opinions and advice from a small crew of us guys...
Gawd, could the poor old boy use a tune up . He is one of those guys, who looks like he has it all together from the outside, but inside what a mess .

Fred,
Tons of articles written by Shari Schreiber, M.A.
You never know, if the subject ever comes up between the two of you, you may point him in this direction.
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Here's one on why some men connect with and hang on to women with personality disorders.
So much has to do with "Attachment Disorder"
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OBSESSED WITH A BORDERLINE - A Matter of Attraction and Revulsion
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Every child is in love with their parents. They see the parent as a god, who's entrusted with their care and protection. When this 'god' is rejecting, critical or abusive, it's frightening and confusing to a small child, which forces him to split off the dangerous, injurious parts of his mother or father in order to remain attached. You acquired this survival tool as a kid4es.

A child does not automatically stop loving his/her parent, when they're crazy or cruel. What he/she does instead, is compartmentalize or box-up those bad behaviors and divorce them from the parent, so they can remain in-love with Mom or Dad. This is exactly what you've done with your Borderline, and it's made you deny/invalidate some very important perceptions and feelings.

The opposite of Love, is not Hate . . . it's Indifference.
.

When your relationship with a Borderline ends, it's incredibly painful because you haven't just lost him or her, you've lost yourself. When the chaos/drama of that affair stops, so does your ability to self-activate and feel alive. When you feel nothingness, you're spiritually bankrupt and disconnected from your Self. The despair you've wrestled with during your dance is excruciating--but the pain of it helps you feel something other than deadness, so you hang onto it with all you've got, which is key to your obsession with this person.
.
~~~~
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Here's another: DO YOU LOVE TO BE NEEDED, OR NEED TO BE LOVED?
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DO YOU LOVE TO BE NEEDED, OR NEED TO BE LOVED?
.
~~~
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Much more by her:
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http://gettinbetter.com/articles.html

[impactbumper]

I lost one of my best friends over this in the past because I HAD the talk with him. Let me tell you how this will go, because you already lost him:

1. You talk to him, he still goes and marries the crazy. Crazy will be crazy and you will not want to be around them anyways. Now your friendship is over, might take time, but it will be over. Do you really want to associate yourself with a guy that makes such decision? Nope.

2. You talk to him, he listens, he does not marry the crazy. He will get into a depression, act stupid, and at one point he will blame you. Friendship never be the same.

OR,

You can sit down and watch from a distance how he self-destroys himself. Then you are not a true friend.

****ty situation. Do the right thing your heart tells you to. Circumstances are full of emotions, everything is far from rational.

[aigel]

I definitely would tell him he is nuts if he goes ahead with it. Maybe you can turn him around. If not, at least you'll have it on record. I would want my friends to tell me - maybe I'd self reflect for a moment and at least delay until I sober up.

I don't get it. Middle age. Why marry? Once you are past starting a family, there is little reason to marry in my book. ESPECIALLY if you can't find anyone suitable.

G

[Don Ro]

Originally Posted by aigel

I definitely would tell him he is nuts if he goes ahead with it. Maybe you can turn him around. If not, at least you'll have it on record. I would want my friends to tell me - maybe I'd self reflect for a moment and at least delay until I sober up.
G

Some folks have to hit bottom before they make a move.
I know that I had to...and I was scared down to my shadow.
.
Pain is the great motivator. - - John Bradshaw

[stealthn]

I lost contact with a good friend over his former wife, he was recently divorced and this chic from Australia latched on to him. I warned her he was still hurting from the recent divorce and if she screwed him over she would deal with me. She began making up **** to him that I threatened to kill her, and I was a psycho. Put him in a bad place, I had a heart to heart with him telling him I only wanted him to be happy no matter what. He chose her, I hadn't spoken to him in 10 years, spoke to his brother; they had kids, she cheated on him left him, he started drinking, hit rock bottom, and is clawing his way back.

I've opened the lines of communications again and hope to reconnect.

Moral of the story, tell him how you feel and leave it at that, he will do what he wants and there is nothing you can do about it. Just be there for him when it gies south.

[sugarwood]

Originally Posted by rammstein

If my wife was looking for money with me she really screwed up.

Says the guy who owns a Porsche as a weekend car.

[Nickshu]

Originally Posted by fastfredracing

Do you sit down with him , and let him know how you feel, ask him if he is sure this is what he wants? I, and everybody that knows him, and this girl, see exactly where this is heading. Divorce court within 2 years, and him loosing all his stuff. She went nutso on him last night when he asked her to sign a pre nup.
Poor guy slept in his car last night. She just moved in with him 3 days ago. He gave her the entire upstairs, and he moved into the basement. I dont think they even sleep together. She is mean... she drinks , was probably hot 10 years ago, but looks are fading, and she is looking to latch on to something. He is a total pushover for women.
He says , he does not care, he is sick of being alone.
He is a good friend, but also a grown man, I would like to think he knows what he is doing.
If I say something, do I run the risk of him always harboring ill feelings towards me, and thinking I don't like his wife in the very unlikely event that it works out, and they go the distance .

Just buried a buddy of mine two weekends ago. Same story, great guy, lots of friends saying his fiancé was not for him. Trying to talk him out of it. They were in marriage counseling and not even married yet! No kids or ties to each other. Sadly after a big fight he took his own life. No one saw it coming... happy guy with tons of friends, a great career, great life ahead of him. Very sad and even tougher to understand. She didn't even show up for the funeral.

In retrospect I wish I had been more vocal. Would rather have lost him as a friend than altogether.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by Berk

Crazy will be crazy...

To paraphrase Willie ('Three Chords and the Truth—That's What a Country Song Is'): Four words and the truth.

I have four really good and fine friends, life-long stalwarts I am blessed to know. They are all different and I treat our relationships accordingly. Best of the breed, these guys.

Three I could approach and perhaps suggest that crazy will be crazy. The fourth I would more than likely lose. Only you really know, Fred, the reaction and the consequence should you choose to intervene.

Quick story: I was very serious with a woman in college but just didn't see moving forward given the career I had opted for. I was about a month into flight school when one of the four friends I mentioned above called me: "I really need to ask you something, and if you have a problem with it I will understand and won't do it".

"What?"

"I want to ask Julie (the woman) out: I have always, and I mean always, had a thing for her. But if you say no, I get it, too weird...etc."

They have been married for over 30 years. I was the best man at their wedding.

Tell your friend what is on your mind. Approach it like my friend did.

[cockerpunk]

Originally Posted by fintstone

1. Why is that?

2. Only because I have to.

if you dont understand the point of insurance, then you will never understand the point of a pre-nep

[fintstone]

Originally Posted by cockerpunk

if you dont understand the point of insurance, then you will never understand the point of a pre-nep

I understand the point of insurance completely. What are you talking about?

[cockerpunk]

Originally Posted by fintstone

I understand the point of insurance completely. What are you talking about?

if you only carry insurance because you are forced to, then you don't get the point of insurance.

[john70t]

Please don't start the redux Menopause! AHHHHHHH!!!!!

[fintstone]

Originally Posted by cockerpunk

if you only carry insurance because you are forced to, then you don't get the point of insurance.

What makes you think that? You are talking in circles...as always. How does not buying or wanting to buy a service mean one does not understand it?

[scottmandue]

I think we are all overlooking the obvious answer here...

Threesome!!!!

[Evans, Marv]

Fred, when it's all said & done and if you think appropriate, keep us posted on the outcome.

[cockerpunk]

Originally Posted by fintstone

What makes you think that? You are talking in circles...as always. How does not buying or wanting to buy a service mean one does not understand it?

you confirmed twice in this thread, the only reason you have car insurance, and homeowners insurance is because you are forced to.

this means you won't ever understand why a pre-nep is a good idea. the best idea. and not an unromantic or non-committing one.

[fintstone]

Originally Posted by cockerpunk

you confirmed twice in this thread, the only reason you have car insurance, and homeowners insurance is because you are forced to.

this means you won't ever understand why a pre-nep is a good idea. the best idea. and not an unromantic or non-committing one.

What does one have to do with another? Insurance is financially a bad deal in many cases. It has nothing to do with love or romance. What you are talking about is an unwillingness to commit to a marriage. Why would a woman marry a man who was not willing to commit? Especially with one who has so little to offer. Love is not a business arrangement.

A prenup might be a good idea for a billionaire who attracts gold diggers like flies. In most cases, it is a demonstration of a failure to commit to the relationship.