Wedding Cost to Dad's for Daughter's Wedding

[Craig T]

I was just wondering how many of you dads have had to pay for a daughters wedding recently…like within five years…and what you spent in total.

My only daughter (only child) is getting married in the late spring (good thing too….cuz she's 8.5 months pregnant now…A shotgun wasn't necessary, but I loaded it). My ex-wife isn't really in the picture, so the expense of the wedding is all on me.

Wedding services are proving to be predators and thieves, taking advantage of the bride-to-be's "white mist" condition. She and I spent the last couple days meeting with wedding venues and food catering, now we're looking into photographers, DJ's, and florists My daughter is being reasonable and it's still incomprehensibly expensive.

[McLovin]

The wedding industry is a ruthless racket that would make the mafia blush.

I've always thought weddings should be done at the city clerk's office, with the big, expensive celebration (if any) occurring at the 10 year anniversary mark.

[McLovin]

Otherwise, it's backwards.

It's like giving a student his graduation gift the day he starts kindergarten.

[scottmandue]

I got nothing... I married my wife six years ago on a wing and a prayer... my long time pastor/church married us at no charge (I could and did offer to pay him)

But I hear you about the "predatory" thing... ours was super small group of family and friends... but we still wanted flowers... walk into a florist and say the word "wedding" and their eyes get real big and A little bit of drool starts running out the corner of their mouth.

Then there is the price tag on the dress she will only wear once.

And lets not forget (not on you but) the "ring" my wife said she would rather spend the money on the honeymoon so we went cubic zirconia... that turned out to be junk but gave us time to find a nice small but ornate antique diamond ring at an estate sale.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Mine was in 2002, so not an eternity ago. We did it for under $10k including the dress and a crapton of alcohol. A bunch of things we did are universal though.

The choice of hall can save you a ton of money. Many of them will require you to use their bar, their catering, their decorating, their band, etc. We rented just a hall, and that's it. We bought kegs, wine, champagne, etc. My only responsibility btw. We rented CO2 driven drink dispensers from a local drink distributor. We decorated the place. We set up the tables. We rented the DJ. We had a local sandwich shop cater the food and bought/made all the sides ourselves. It was a nice wedding but not a fancy wedding (if that makes sense), 13 years later I still have friends tell me it's the best one they have been to.

[Craig T]

Originally Posted by onewhippedpuppy

The choice of hall can save you a ton of money. Many of them will require you to use their bar, their catering, their decorating, their band, etc.

This is what I found yesterday. She wants an outdoor country style wedding. They all lock you into everything…and have a minimum 125 guest cost (which we will meet for sure).

My wife and I got married 20 years ago in our living room with just 25 guest…we rented a nice restaurant for food and the party. The whole deal was about $10K…but that was previously married 35 year olds. …27 years-old with a big social group and big groom's family…I'm screwed.

[wdfifteen]

Zero to $10k is the least?
My wife says, "Go were you're heart leads you, but think about what the money would mean to the child as opposed to the bride. It's money spent for 20 minutes as opposed to 20 years."

My response: A big wedding for a virgin daughter is for traditional families. If she's already knocked up she has blown past tradition and shouldn't expect the trappings of a traditional wedding. Give her some nice toys for the baby and let them get married in the mayor's office.

[Craig T]

Originally Posted by wdfifteen

Zero to $10k is the least?
My wife says, "Go were you're heart leads you, but think about what the money would mean to the child as opposed to the bride. It's money spent for 20 minutes as opposed to 20 years."

My response: A big wedding for a virgin daughter is for traditional families. If she's already knocked up she has blown past tradition and shouldn't expect the trappings of a traditional wedding. Give her some nice toys for the baby and let them get married in the mayor's office.

I offered to start a healthy college fund for the coming grandson and pay for a sweet honeymoon if the got married at city hall. She's having non of that.

[bivenator]

Originally Posted by McLovin

The wedding industry is a ruthless racket that would make the mafia blush.

I've always thought weddings should be done at the city clerk's office, with the big, expensive celebration (if any) occurring at the 10 year anniversary mark.

I told my 26 y/o daughter the exact same thing.

[craigster59]

Take them up to Boccalli's for lunch or dinner. They have a great open area where they do receptions (might do wedding ceremonies also. Great food and pretty casual. Don't know if you've ever been up there. http://boccalis.com/index.html

I also see them doing them all the time at Surfer's Knoll by Ventura Harbor if that's what they're into.

[Cajundaddy]

I got two married off and waiting on #3. The golden rule applies here *Whomever puts up the gold makes the rules*. Set a budget that you can afford and let sweetie fill in the details. This should be a great party for family and friends but not a second mortgage. We gave them a choice to spend it on a reception or down payment on a house. Both chose reception.

Our 1st was a backyard wedding for 100 guests with buffet style dinner and wine on the table, rented DJ and dance floor. We did a lot of the prep work. $6k ten years ago.

Our 2nd was a beach wedding with reception on top of the swank Canary hotel in Santa Barbara for 100 guests. Buffet style dinner, wine on the table and it was $10k five years ago. They are celebrating their 5th anniversary at the Canary this weekend.

We have several friends who did not set a budget or control guest count and costs soared. Both were $50k and no more magical than ours.

[recycled sixtie]

Originally Posted by wdfifteen

Zero to $10k is the least?

My response: A big wedding for a virgin daughter is for traditional families. If she's already knocked up she has blown past tradition and shouldn't expect the trappings of a traditional wedding. Give her some nice toys for the baby and let them get married in the mayor's office.

+1
There are several ways to look at it. There is a lot to be said for what wd says. This is not a traditional wedding as bride to be is expecting.

Get the groom's parents to chip in some funds otherwise make it a minimalist wedding.

This is a bad way to start a marriage. However at least they are committing by getting married.

Hope they love each other!
Guy

[1975porsche]

Son and new wife had there wedding at the lake , 35 people came . Did all food our self , did it all for less than 5 thousand, had a great time and they came out ahead with just over 10 thousand in envelopes(cash) best wedding ever😀

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by Craig T

I offered to start a healthy college fund for the coming grandson and pay for a sweet honeymoon if the got married at city hall. She's having non of that.

Is it really up to her?
Adults are responsible for themselves. If she's about to have a child, she is about to face a lot of realities that she doesn't seem aware of now. Is the marriage ceremony of a pregnant girl the last, expensive, irresponsible fling before becoming an adult? If so, does she know that this is her last indulgence or does she think this is just part of a continuum of coddling?
I don't want to sound like a girl should be punished for getting knocked up, but the child (the coming one, not the parents) is what is important here. She needs to be focused on him, not herself. The fact that his mom is focused on a wedding and not a college fund bodes ill for the poor little guy.

[dan88911]

I am glad I don't have any daughters.

[porsche4life]

i got no advice for you Craig.... I've seen friends spend stupid amounts on weddings... I'd rather have a 996 than a fancy wedding...

[MBAtarga]

I've got friends and relatives that have gone through this as recently as two months ago and back about 3 years. There seems to be quite a competition among the marrying crowd know of trying to outdo others' previous wedding/reception event. Most recent co-worker paid well over $20k - catered dinner for >200, 8 member band, etc.

[sc_rufctr]

My sister got married about 10 years ago. All up $75,000! Great wedding & reception but IMO overdone but that's what she wanted and she and her husband paid for it.
Meanwhile I've been to weddings where the final bill was well over $200,000.

Mine back in the 80s cost me about $7,000 which was a lot back then.

Today? I'm not sure but things have changed. I went to a wedding about 3 years ago and they spent a total of about $8,000.
It was decent and the whole thing was done in a back yard.

[Arizona_928]

Stay away from venues that will only let you use their caters, bar, etc. They are a major rip off and half the time over priced for quality.

I've done catering from backyard weddings to giant halls at the local Hilton. Mind you some of the back yard weddings were incredible compared to venues, and definitely less drama.

[zehnd]

Just went through it three weeks ago with my first daughter. We, the in-laws and the bride and groom pitched in. I would venture to guess is we collectively spent 20,000. We had 300 for supper and plus another 100 for the dance. We did cost recovery for the booze and mix. It was a catered supper in a rental facility with a DJ for the dance. We all had a good time, so money well spent.