Please Stop Eating My Kayak

[Craig T]

Ouch! I couldn't listen to more than 15 seconds of that screeching.

[LEAKYSEALS951]

I'm currently sitting around the house sidelined due to an injury and not working, I've got way to much time on my hands. Posting WAAAYYY to much to ppot.

This girl reminds me of a Gary Larson cartoon:


Except for wording- replace' fools' with 'annoying'

As such, I felt it my duty as a citizen to figure out WHY she is so annoying. I watched the video numerous times, subjecting myself to great duress and agony-

What I noticed is that she is very polite. Her english is clear and well spoken. She is very respectful of the bear. She takes the time to reason to the bear. She makes compelling arguments. There ARE moments that could be confusing to the bear- such as "BEAR PLEASE GO AWAY" and then "BEAR PLEASE COME BACK" which were probably as consistent as her dramatic clingy behavior with her boyfriends.

As many have noted, bears do not speak English. That is true. What I noticed, is, that in addition to her gratingly annoying voice, her volume and inflection never changed. It's full volume 100% whine 100% of the time.

She is annoying that the listener has to expend energy fishing through her verbosity to sort out her intent. She gives no clues as when to tune in and listen. No hints as to her main points or agenda. She leaves it all to the listener. Listening takes an investment of effort. A human would have hard enough time dealing with this, let alone a bear who doesn't give a s@#$.

This reminds me of my two bear encounters- where I wasn't so much interested in what I said, as how forcefully I yelled it. At least in my experience- the body language, movement, and intensity was more effective than her bear spray. And it wasn't just the intensity- it was how I punctuated the intensity. In my circumstances, it was all bluffing- but it worked.

This is something she doesn't get.

This has been a synopsis of why she is annoying.
Thankyou,
Ron

[JacobS911]

I was waiting for "why isn't bear listening??!" hehe

[black_falcon]

Unlike her, this lady has some balls!

[sugarwood]

To me, this Kayak woman's behavior is the manifestation of the obsessive pet culture that treats animals like human members of the family.

[mreid]

Clearly the bear is deaf.

[afterburn 549]

99 times out of a 100 a black bear will not eat you.

[doug_porsche]

Originally Posted by afterburn 549

99 times out of a 100 a black bear will not eat you.

True.
But 1 out of a 100 will eat you!
99 out of 100 have the capability of really messing you up.

[GWN7]

You are food.

[afterburn 549]

Rule of thumb-
If a Brown comes after you , usually you are being disciplined .
You might live from the spanking .
Rare is it they actually eat you.
If a Blacky comes after you, you are not being disciplined, you are now on the menu.
Make sure you out run everyone else..

[Aurel]

She sounded like your typical liberal voter.

[vash]

Super original!


Sent via Jedi mind trick.

[scottmandue]

Originally Posted by MRM

They may speak German, Russian, French or Chinese, but bears are completely mute and dumb when it comes to the English language. Maybe she would have had more success if she had taken a second language at school and tried to reason with him in Farsi. Do bears understand Farsi? I don't know but it's clear that they don't speak English, so continuing to reason with him in that language was destined to be futile.

How did the video get onto the Internet? Was it like in the Blair Witch Project where they found an abandoned video camera in the woods and played it back? I certainly hope so.

Lithuanian... bears speak Lithuanian... however if this is Alaska the bear may speak Eskaleutian...

Appears the lady might be wearing a gopro and that is where the video came from?

I surprised so many of you missed the obvious... I suspect this is a female bear.

[oldE]

I think if I had been a bear, I would have dragged the kayak to the water and sunk it. Man that was annoying!
Regarding bears and language:
A few years ago, a lady was looking at the warning signs in the watercourse of the hydro electric plant. These signs said "Danger" and had a depiction of a swimmer being pulled down in a vortex. She turned to me and asked, "What is that sign out there for?"
I responded, "Well, there is a species in the area which doesn't understand that powerful currents and heavy equipment can be dangerous."
She thought about that for a moment and asked, Bears?"
I said, "Well, maybe where you come from the bears can read, but around here the bears are illiterate."
At that point someone elbowed her and said, "People!"

I doubt it was the same lady, but you never know.
Best
Les

[lowyder993s]

If EVER a woman needed a punch in the ueterus...

[vash]

as screechy as that Harpy was.. kudos to her getting out into the wilderness. she appeared solo on a kayak trip. that is cool as hell. and she had bear spray.

i'm bothered the spray didnt send that bear scurrying for some milk.

most ladies i know would be about 1300 miles from that location..

now all your "jeremiah johnson" types here..what would you have done? me? i would be explaining to the neighbors why my shotgun or 44 mag is getting all noisy. if bear season; i would be building a small fire to try a well-done tenderloin.