What you don't say to a police officer....

[recycled sixtie]

I recently went to my dentist's for a yearly checkup and cleaning. The hygienist is working on my teeth and I become a captive audience. Now this gal is a 60 year old with three successful children and a great work ethic and mean and lean. Expecting her to be squeaky clean she comes up with this true story of herself.

She said she got her windows tinted on her Honda Accord. Policeman pulled her over and gave her a ticket for having tinted windows. Her response was "haven't you got anything better to do?" I laughed my head off at her response.

That reminded me recently when a woman's dog charged at me. I started running towards the dog and it backed off. I told her to put her dog on a leash. Her response was "haven't you got anything better to do?". I told this story to my hygienist and she said she does not put her dog on a leash.......

[1990C4S]

I was recently stopped for a RIDE check (non-random impaired driving checks).

He asked me several questions, including where I was going.

I replied 'You are only allowed to ask questions about my sobriety, you asked me if I was impaired, I told you I am not, so unless you can explain why you have reasonable grounds to detain me I am leaving'.

As I pulled away he says 'You have a bad attitude'.

Sorry for asking you to follow the law.

I don't care about dogs off leash, but if the dog approaches me aggressively, the owner better not care if I defend myself....

[Craig T]

"Haven't you got anything better to do?"

That's exactly what I said to the CHP when he pulled me over last year in my green hot rod for "No Front License Plate". After I asked..."Don't you have anything better to do?", he walked to the back, came back to my window and said..."Now you have Illegal exhaust too".

Only $100 to clear up, but a PITA changing out the headers, getting it signed off, and spending 90 minutes in line at the courthouse.

[id10t]

Your eyes appear bloodshot. Have you been drinking.

No. But your eyes look glazed... you been eatin' donuts?

[Arizona_928]

Attractive female officer on field sobriety test.
"I see something in your eyes", smart ass me "love?"

[GH85Carrera]

Likely the number one thing to NOT say to any officer of the law....

"I bet you can't put those handcuffs on me you little pussy!"

I did say that in a social environment to the local county sheriff. He agreed that would not be wise to say on the side of the road or in any situation where the cop is on duty.

[sammyg2]

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday, a woman passed
over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side
lying in wait.
The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with
that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's
your hurry?"
To which she replied, "I'm late for work."
"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"
I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.
The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"
Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely
stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide."
"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot *******?" he asked.
"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge!"

A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."

lol

[dafischer]

Upon being asked to recite the alphabet

A..B..C..D..E..F..U..C..K..Y..O..U..

[sammyg2]

Originally Posted by GH85Carrera

Likely the number one thing to NOT say to any officer of the law....

"I bet you can't put hose handcuffs on me you little pussy!"

I did say that in a social environment to the local county sheriff. He agreed that would not be wise to say on the side of the road or in any situation where the cop is on duty.

"Hose handcuffs?"



sorry.

[GH85Carrera]

Whoops, edited. Sorry for the typo.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by id10t

Your eyes appear bloodshot. Have you been drinking.

No. But your eyes look glazed... you been eatin' donuts?

The fact that I hadn't heard that joke before is as irradiating as the joke is funny.

Funny.

[sammyg2]

Originally Posted by GH85Carrera

Whoops, edited. Sorry for the typo.

LOL yer no fun.

[1990C4S]

Originally Posted by Seahawk

The fact that I hadn't heard that joke before is as irradiating as the joke is funny.

Funny.

[JavaBrewer]

How about things to not say to a Judge?

My wife (then GF) was in court for a red light traffic violation that she disputed. Judge said he had to go with the officer to which she responded "you must play golf with him on the weekends. You're as corrupt as he (officer) is." That earned a contempt of court and + $750 fine.

[legion]

"No problem officer. I'm just glad you didn't find my stash."

[Charles Freeborn]

Never greet a police person " Hello ossifer! "

My dad did once get pulled over (speeding) & when the cop asked him for his pilots license, my dad handed him his. Got out of the ticket. He had a way with cops...He was also a Navy Pilot - flew the big stuff - transports, etc as well as small planes and was an instructor in Corpus Christie back in the day (WW2).

[rwest]

It always amazes me why anyone would try to play "one up bully" with a guy who has a stacked deck. You'll never win or if you do, you'll waste a lot of time and money to do so.

Doing what they ask, being polite and honest goes a long way to avoiding tickets and hassles.

[sammyg2]

A man was pulled over for speeding down the highway; the officer came to the driver’s window and said, “Sir, may I see your driver’s license and registration?”
The man said, “Well officer I don’t have a license, it was taken away for a DUI.”

The officer, in surprise, said,” do you have a registration for the vehicle?”
So the man replied, “No sir, the car is not mine. I stole it, but I am pretty sure I saw a registration card in the glove box when I put the gun in it.”

The officer stepped back, “There is a gun in the glove box?!?”
The man sighed and said, “Yes sir, I used it to kill the woman who owns the car before I stuffed her in the trunk.”

The officer steps toward the back of the car and says,” Sir do not move, I am calling for backup.”

The officer calls for backup and in a few minutes another highway patrolman arrives.

He walks up to the window slowly and asks the man for his driver’s license and registration.
The man said,” Yes officer here it is right here.” It all checked out so the officer said,” Is there a gun in the glove box sir?”
The man laughs and says,” No officer why would there be a gun in the glove box?”
He opened the glove box and showed him that there was no gun.
The second officer asked him to open the trunk because he had reason to believe that there was a body in it.
The man agrees and opens the trunk, no dead body.

The second officer says,
“Sir I do not understand, the officer that pulled you over said that you did not have a license, the car was stolen, there was a gun in the glove box, and a dead body in the trunk.”

The man looks the officer in the eyes and says, “Yeah and I’ll bet he said I was speeding too.”

[GH85Carrera]

Originally Posted by Charles Freeborn

Never greet a police person " Hello ossifer! "

My dad did once get pulled over (speeding) & when the cop asked him for his pilots license, my dad handed him his. Got out of the ticket. He had a way with cops...He was also a Navy Pilot - flew the big stuff - transports, etc as well as small planes and was an instructor in Corpus Christie back in the day (WW2).

A friend of mine is a retired cop. He said on his first solo patrol as a rookie a guy was going down a busy road way over the speed limit. My friend said he hit the lights, and pulled the guy over. He said he swaggered up to the driver's window and said "Alright, let's see your pilot's license!" and the driver handed him a pilot's license. He said it took all the air and attitude out of him so he just mumbled "slow it down" and let the guy go. That happened in Oklahoma City in the mid 1970s.

[cabmandone]

I had a cousin get a little unruly at a bar and when hit with a taser said to the cop "is that all you got" then the lights went out.