no.


Sorry for your troubles.

As has been said, maybe we are jumping to conclusions (but isn't that what the internet is for?) and it is possible your mom is losing her man and protector and really just wants a gun for protection.

However I also though of these liability implications:

I thought about that as well, so let's assume she's of sound mind and happy and just wants protection.

Has she ever handled a gun before?
Is she willing, at age 77, to learn?
Is she physically capable at 77 to handle and shoot a gun? How about when she's scared schitless by some mysterious intruder?

It's a tough call.

Pretty good advice for a fortune cookie

Watch your mother closely Craig. Losing the love of your life does bad things to people. She might be better off with a well trained dog than a gun, for a number of reasons.

There are a lot more pleasant ways to end it if that's the goal. My dad was in bad shape in the end and contemplated suicide, had a gun handy but thankfully did not use it. Drugs are the way to accomplish this task and they work well.

Sorry to be a downer but this is reality. I definitely don't want to live past the point of any happiness when in pain.

The hard truth is that the chances of your mom needing a gun for protection and then using it proficiently enough under what would be the most stressful 60 seconds of her life so far are between slim and none. The chances of someone using it for suicide or accidentally shooting themselves or someone else are far, far greater.

This is a great idea!

Companionship and protection.

As and aside it has been about two years since dad past and my mom has started to bounce back... having 24/7 caregivers (that she fought tooth and nail) helps... that and letting her stay in her home.

Firstly, thank you all for your well-wishes. This has been a ten year painfull battle with head and neck cancer for my father. The family has mourned him many times through infections and close calls. At this point, his passing will be a relief to all, especially him.

I'm going to take the advice of some pragmatic Pelicans and NOT assist my mother in the acquisition of a gun until at least a few weeks after my father passes, and only then if she agrees to take a firearms safety course with me. They live in an area that is not as safe as it once was (Montclair, CA), and she wants to stay there as long as she can. She insists thats why she wants the gun, but my father's refusal to talk to me about the matter makes me very suspicious.

Until she has gone through some time to mourn, the gun discussions are closed. I reminded my dad that he has a giant bottle of opiate pain pills next to his bed. I'm not going to be accused by my sister of facilitating father's suicide...the poor bastard.

This. Craig, my fear would be that mom is irrationally afraid of being alone. The gun is a symptom of that. I know that dad has fought a terrible fight, but she's likely not in the best frame of mind.

In any event, a 77 year old woman with a firearm and not years of experience is not a good combination.

Peace. Thoughts are with you.

I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I guess there are a couple of things.

If you don't get the gun soon, are you calling your mom a liar? And are you OK with that?

If your mom is getting the gun for your dad, and your dad is or soon will be suffering, and both he is wanting to do that and she is willing to help him, would you prefer he suffers and to deny them both?

If helping your dad is your mom's ultimate goal, and she feels like you denied them both the opportunity, she may be really angry and have a hard time forgiving you. Can you live with that between you.

Regardless of what your sister said, what do you think about your mom and dad and their motives?

If you did help, and your dad does go through with it, how do you think you'll feel after having bought the gun?

To me, make this about you being able to live with yourself in any possible outcome and which would be harder to live with for you.

#1 If you don't get the gun for your mom, she may be pissed regardless of which is the true purpose of her request.

#2 If you do get the gun, and her purpose is as stated, there would be no issues.

#3 If you do get the gun, and her purpose is to enable your dad, will you be OK with having helped your mom? Is this worse than #1

It's a very tough call that only you can make, and I don't envy you.

After my dad passed, my mom did keep a 12ga and a small 38 revolver, and since she's moved, she still has the 38.

Instead of a gun, how about a nice friendly dog from the SPCA. It might give her a whole new lease of life to have a pet to look after. It will keep her moving and provide protection to some degree or another for her.

She already has a ridiculously spoiled Maltese. There's not a chance she would bring another dog into that house, and that Maltese is likely to outlive her. She's only 3.

Montclair, huh? I remember going to Montclair plaza as a kid. I lived in La Verne, but moved in '89. I guess its changed since then.

Craig. I'm slightly younger than your parents. I've been blessed so far with very minimum of health problems, but I'm sure that can't last forever. Just old age and declining abilities is enough to make you know getting old totally sucks. I had a talk with my doctor. His suggestion if things get bad enough is sleeping pills. I will tell him or which ever doctor I have at the time I'm having very bad problems sleeping & ask for some powerful sleeping medication which I will save up and take all of it when the time comes. No way would I consider doing something like that with a gun - which I have a bunch of. Plus, no way would I give one to your parents.

when they get old, they can't think anymore.

No.

Well done, sir. SmileWavy

Dang it, Craig, as an avowed pro-gun guy, I really have nothing to offer that might help. You know her better than any of us know her, so follow you instincts and do what you feel deep down is right.

Hang in there, buddy. I've lost both my own mother and my father-in-law in the last year. It's tough, I know. We all face this at some point in our lives. Doesn't make it any easier, I know, but anyone who has reached our age in this life can empathize with you. It's hard to make purely pragmatic decisions at these times, so maybe the best I can offer is to suggest you make your decision now, and stick with it after your dad passes. Discuss it with him - he knows your mom better than you do.

I don't know if they still make it, but when my father got to a point he felt he could no longer effectively defend he and my mother physically he purchase something called a Snakecharmer - it was a double 18.5" barrel .410 shotgun. It was a nice home self defense weapon.

I empathise entirely with your situation. Many of us have or will face it. I cant think of single good outcome - and there is more than one potential outcome - of introducing a firearm into this situation.

The sad part here is that we don't provide better options for families in this situation. We do better by our pets.

Dignity.

Hang in there Craig. Good advice from above. No gun. You reminded him of the opiates next to his bed. Reminds me of my father dying age 52 from cancer. He was in palliative care. I am assuming he is at home. At hospitals/palliative care they have ministers available. I think you are doing all you can. Hang in there and look after yourself.

I'm not there but I imagine mom has not had much of a life for some time.

As you've said, you've mourned dad several times already.

I have some experience with that.

My own father died 3 x's before it took.

We used to say God did not want the competition and Satan was afraid of him.

I think that is the time you grab your mom, sister and any other siblings, if you have them, and take mom on a trip to someplace she's never been.

She may need to be rediscover what living life is about.