Need Pelican Advice Re: Elderly Parent Wanting Spoon
 

I'm torn on this and would welcome Pelican Opinions.

My 78 year-old father is in late stages of cancer. He may have a year to live tops and is miserable. Yesterday my 77 year-old mother callled and asked if I could help her get a gun. I asked her what help she needed and why she needed a gun. She said when dad goes she doesn't want to be in the house alone without protection. I told her I would get her a Lady Smith J-frame in a couple weeks.

I called my sister and told her about Mom's spoon request. My sister went nuts! She visited my father last weekend and he told her he was tired now and ready to go. She assumes he wants the spoon to shoot himself. I called mom back with that tidbit of information, but she said thats nonesense. She wants it so she won't be helpless when he's gone.

So, do I get her the gun now, or tell her I'll give it to her the day dad dies?

Nope, not before.

Sorry for you Dad.

Sorry to hear about your Dad Craig, that must be very tough for all involved. I'm with SM on this, explain to her that you will make sure she is well protected until and after your Dad passes. Are they in another state?

I'm torn on this one...
you / we are not dying a painful slow way..
or watching your lifelong love painfully suffer with no hope..
they've been married a long time...
she knows and understand him...
if it's for checkout..
they will find a way..
as it's about him and her ..
not what you and Sister fear or think is best..

Rika

I hate to be so dark... but when your dad passes your mom will be very depressed.
Maybe not the best time to have a gun lying around.

My dad fought to the end.

My mom says she is ready to go.

My mom and dad never had guns... but they are (were for dad) at the point where the Dr. will give them just about anything. That worries me.

Tough spot during a tough time.

I'd suggest having a conversation directly with you father, versus through any sort of filter. If you can't speak openly with him now, then when?

Nothing to add but my sincere best wishes. I, like so many others, have been through this and can only offer our support in the difficult times ahead.

Hang in there.

I'm with Paul, I can offer up my best wishes, but in spite of the similarities to my parent's situation, the differences are such that YOUR family dynamic will ultimately determine the outcome.

Good luck my friend, to your whole family.

Tough one. It comes down to the personalities/needs of people involved. No simple answers and none of us are in a position to know. What does your gut tell you?

When my grandmother passed, my grandfather moved one of his revolvers to his night stand. Cancer got them both about two years apart, but I could tell he was miserable for those 2 years. He actually started to seem hopeful at the end because he was done living alone and wanted to see his wife again.

maybe a gun, and no ammo?

makes no sense to her reasoning to why she wants a gun, but damn difficult not to do as they wish.

Craig, not being in your shoes I cannot advise you. I will say that if it were me in your situation I would not provide a gun to my elderly Mom during such a stressful time.

All blessings brother.

Talk to your dad. If he's serious help him shop for a Dr. to help out. Easier and cleaner ways to go than by gun.

I am toeing the same line with Parents who are nearing the end and are completely miserable. Both are suffering physically and have worsening dementia. I removed Dad's firearms a few years ago and he recently muttered that he "regrets letting me take his revolver".

You're not alone in this Craig. Best wishes.

Forgive the clinical reply at such a difficult time.

The sister is aware of the request.

If Craig supplies the gun and it is used for the purpose she fears it might then Craigs sister will blame him.

That's a rift the family does not need.

As an aside, are their any legal repercussions for Craig if he supplied a gun with some suspicion that it may be used to self euthanize?

Craig - I'm very sorry for what you and your family are going through. You have to muster your strength and determination to deal with it and hold everyone together.

IMHO, the gun is a bad idea for reasons already mentioned.

So that leaves you with spending time with your parents and talking things out. If appropriate bring in other resources. Council on Aging....your church if appropriate......and there are other resources I'm sure....including PPOT.

Hang in there and keep us posted.....

we tip toe around the word..
and often say it's...selfish...
my ?.. is he just tired of being... sick & tired..
or in pain...
talk to him ..
folks say..I'l check out before that or this..
sometimes we don't get that option or choice...
and now other's seem to know what's best for us & them..

Rika

She can't go to the gun store herself or order online?

That was my thought. I wouldn't want the guilt to hit me if I provided the mean of escape.

Give her a ride to Cabelas?

are we not jumping to conclusions?

both of my dad's died horribly with cancer. i kinda think they had trays of meds they could have taken before eating a bullet.

step one, talk to the parents..

Yeah as much as I'm pro-2A, I wouldn't be an accomplice to this one...