Things that make ya shake your head .......

[sammyg2]

Overheard in a vendor's shop recently:


"Hey watchit!

What?

I said lower it up and you raised it down!!!!!

[KFC911]

I wish folks would listen to what I mean and not what I actually say too sometimes .

[Bill Douglas]

Girlfriend speaking "Left, LEFT, no I mean this left."

[flatbutt]

Originally Posted by Bill Douglas

Girlfriend speaking "Left, LEFT, no I mean this left."

AKA the "other" left

[nzporsche944s2]

Overheard on a bus...

"Not much sun today"
"No, there's too much cloud"
"But the weatherman said it would be sunny"
"Yes but its cloudy"

Sometimes silence would be better.....

[M.D. Holloway]

"I wish I didn't get so full when I eat a lot."


"Hey, hand me that adjustable wrench." "Sure, what size?"

[Crowbob]

My dad was a brick mason. As such, I was a mason tender. He would often tell me to bring him an empty bucket of water.

[scottmandue]

One of the buildings I work in has two floors.
People get on the elevator and ask...

"What floor am I on?"

[Crowbob]

Over the years prior to our eventual emancipations, our father had a habit of needing help from my brother and I to move very heavy objects. Being concerned for our health and safety, he would always advise us to be sure to put it down on our toes.

[aap1966]

Where I work, the Coronary Care Unit is on the second floor, Day Surgery Unit on the third.
One afternoon we (in CCU) had a man arrive and announce that he was there to pick up his wife from her day procedure. This happens almost daily, so we told him he had got out on the wrong floor, and to go to third floor.
He then stood and argued with us quite emphatically that "this morning Day Surgery was on this (second) floor", and why had we moved the Units around without notifying the patients?....... We could only placate him by agreeing that we had swapped 2 floors of the hospital during the day, and apologising for doing so.
He left annoyed but triumphant.

[billybek]

I heard an apprentice at the wholesaler ask for a gallon bucket of start-up steam and a box of 5/8" holes.

The counterman replied that they only had a 5 gallon container of start-up steam and 1/2 inch holes. Would that work?

Poor young fella got on his radio and asked his journeyman if the substitutes were ok....

[recycled sixtie]

Many folks have a perfectly good double garage but park their cars outside because their garages are full of junk. Then they are surprised when their cars are broken into and stuff is stolen or some dude is looking for a place to sleep.....

[techman1]

Standing at the exit of Magic Kingdom, in Walt Disney World, Florida. A family was asking what happened to the parking lot. Heard the employee tell them the parking lot is on the other side of the lake, you must take a boat or monorail to get there. The family was insisting they parked their car, took a parking tram, and walked in the park. Where are the cars? The employee finally said, "Yep, we moved all 12,000 cars during the day, now you need to take a boat or monorail, sorry"

SMH

[GH85Carrera]

I walked into a building that is on a flat lot, no hill in sight. It is a two story building and on the elevator door is a big 1 and it is plain that it is the 1st floor.

I walked in and some chick ran to the elevator so I held the door open. She got on and said "One please" I replied you are on the first floor. She looked puzzled and said "I just want to go one floor up" As the elevator door closed I replied that is good since that is the only possible option besides staying on the first floor.

[flatbutt]

Actually asked of me at a soccer match "how many quarters in this game?"

[wdfifteen]

Wife in the passenger seat giving me driving directions. We come to a T intersection. "OK, turn here."

[GH85Carrera]

Before Photoshop we used a program called Photo-Styler. We offered computer retouching and restoration of customer photos. Mostly routine stuff like erase ex-spouses from photos and restore faded photos.

Anyway, we had one lady walk in and pushed a snapshot across our front counter. It was of the cruise ship they had been on many years before. Then she floored me with "can you scan this, and flip the ship to the other side and read the name of the ship?" I tried hard to stifle a laugh.

My all time favorite was a guy came in and had a photo of a room with a partial wall blocking the view of the rest of the room. He asked if I could remove the wall and see what is behind the wall. I could not hold back the laugh on that one and I did snicker.

[cashflyer]

Originally Posted by GH85Carrera

I walked into a building that is on a flat lot, no hill in sight. It is a two story building and on the elevator door is a big 1 and it is plain that it is the 1st floor.

I walked in and some chick ran to the elevator so I held the door open. She got on and said "One please" I replied you are on the first floor. She looked puzzled and said "I just want to go one floor up" As the elevator door closed I replied that is good since that is the only possible option besides staying on the first floor.

In fairness, some elevators lable the ground floor as G and then go up to 1 (the first floor above ground)

[recycled sixtie]

Originally Posted by cashflyer

In fairness, some elevators lable the ground floor as G and then go up to 1 (the first floor above ground)

If I remember right that is the way with some UK elevators....

[sc_rufctr]

Originally Posted by M.D. Holloway

"I wish I didn't get so full when I eat a lot."


"Hey, hand me that adjustable wrench." "Sure, what size?"