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-   -   My Uncle is Dead to me, can I rant here? (http://forums.pelicanparts.com/off-topic-discussions/966969-my-uncle-dead-me-can-i-rant-here.html)

cabmandone 08-18-2017 01:40 PM
Let it go.... Easy to say, hard to do. Focus on the positive in your life, the birth of your child. I get that the car has significant meaning to you but the best thing you can do is let go. I could be wrong but I don't see how any good can come from confronting him about the car.

racer 08-18-2017 02:33 PM
Lots of missing background drama.. but here is a question. If you spoke to your uncle and found out he was selling the car, would you have the $$ to buy it? While this is a very emotional issue due to what the car represents to you, in the end, it is just a car. Metal, rubber, glass etc. The memories of your Dad are yours. The car is just a physical reminder. Talk it over. Maybe you will learn something else in the process.

john70t 08-18-2017 02:34 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scott Douglas (Post 9705451)
Don't assume anything.
You once get a sweet car from your own brother during his financial crisis, a pennies on the dollar gift car , he passes, you don't even offer his grown kid the option of purchase even if it is an expensive deal?

Fred has a valid point imo. (without knowing more)

Bob Kontak 08-18-2017 02:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by KC911 (Post 9705497)
didn't read Scott's post first...
"I am really, really interested in that car since it was my Dad's

If so and so does not want it, please consider me as a buyer."

FWIW, at my Mom's funeral near Charlotte 20 days ago. Two peeps, within ten feet of my Mom, laying in rest, asked me about car problems.

Funeral viewing room talk is (well, can be) cheap......................

scottmandue 08-18-2017 03:08 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by fastfredracing (Post 9705443)
Well, he is a smart successful guy, I have to believe that he is not naive enough to not know what this means to me .
This is just a guess... but his brother just passed away. When my brother passed I was like a zombie for 3-5 days.

KFC911 08-18-2017 03:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob Kontak (Post 9705680)

FWIW, at my Mom's funeral near Charlotte 20 days ago. Two peeps, within ten feet of my Mom, laying in rest, asked me about car problems.

Funeral viewing room talk is (well, can be) cheap......................
My condolences to you Bob. Though both of my parents are getting up there, I haven't had to do that. Gawd I hate funerals...

Hope you are doing well!

greglepore 08-18-2017 03:58 PM
Fred- its likely he's just oblivious like many overly self assured "intelligent" successful folks. I wouldn't make him "dead to me" but it does speak volumes about where his head is at.

I'd approach him like, "hey Uncle X, it probably didn't cross your mind with the stress and all, but that car was a part of me and I was really hurt not to have been given the opportunity" blah blah.

If he responds in a manner that shows reflection, then crisis averted. If he says, f-u, what are you talking about, he's dead to me too.

Bob Kontak 08-18-2017 04:29 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by KC911 (Post 9705708)
My condolences to you Bob.
Thanks, Keith. Was a blessing at 81 after 12+ years of her in a bed at a care facility. Stroked out late in her 60's but was aware until the end. Not much ambulatory and could not speak unless songs or poems. Yes or no but she often got it backwards.

Probably TMI, but too many UTI's beat her up and pneumonia set in. At hospice, morphine-a-plenty. 1.5 days. Goodnight, Mom.

Thank you for your concern.

Crowbob 08-18-2017 04:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by cabmando (Post 9705573)
Let it go.... Easy to say, hard to do. Focus on the positive in your life, the birth of your child. I get that the car has significant meaning to you but the best thing you can do is let go. I could be wrong but I don't see how any good can come from confronting him about the car.
The older I get the older I get. Letting go of things like this keeps that trend alive. You've got a new son who needs you more than you'll ever need any car. Let the uncle know you're interested in the car if you must, then fuggetaboutit.

Alan A 08-18-2017 05:44 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by john70t (Post 9705655)
You once get a sweet car from your own brother during his financial crisis, a pennies on the dollar gift car , he passes, you don't even offer his grown kid the option of purchase even if it is an expensive deal?

Fred has a valid point imo. (without knowing more)
Unless the kid said I want it, or the father said my kid gets first refusal, why would you?

The guy isn't psychic...

Tell him you want it. Tell him why.
Then you'll see the quality of the man. Until then it's all feelings. Nothing is known, nothing is real.

And OP - good luck. I hope the uncle is a stand up guy. Even if he isn't mystic meg.

TechDad 08-19-2017 01:28 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by fastfredracing (Post 9705342)
My Dad lost it all in Bankruptcy in 1996. He was already not in good financial shape, but then had a heart attack and lost it all, the house, all the cars, all the family money .
We had some cool cars, including, a 1970 ss 396, bought brand new by dad, and it was the car that I was brought home from the hospital in when I was born. It has 23,000 miles.
My dad gave my Uncle the inside line in his bankruptcy ,and my uncle stole the car for pennies. I had just started my biz, bought a house, and did not have a pot to piss in at the time .
Yesterday , on top of having a young son born, was my other Uncles funeral, and at the funeral, he offered the car to my cousins husband, who is a rich little douche. Got all his money from Daddy, and flaunts it .
I never mentioned the car to my uncle, in the past, as I did not want any weird feelings between us, but sort of thought it unspoken, that should he ever sell it, he would offer it to me first .
My uncle Jan , was sort of always my hero, and honestly I am having a hard time not picking up the phone and telling him to go fvk himself to hell, and shove that car up his ass.
Thanks for listening . Am I in the wrong for my ill feellings here? I grew up with this car .

We'd prolly feel the same way as you did. Nothing wrong with your "ill feelings"

DanielDudley 08-19-2017 01:47 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scott Douglas (Post 9705451)
Don't assume anything.
There's really only one way to find out and if you've never told him, then, no, he doesn't know.
Yuppers. When you assume, yada, yada, yada.

So far this is all in your mind. This should be a great day in your mind, but you are making it the worst. Children can seem like a huge responsibility and even a burden sometimes, but they are really our greatest asset.

If you are going to let a car come between you and your family, it may seem like a precious object, but it is really a huge liability. Get some mental floss, and clean this up.

72doug2,2S 08-19-2017 02:30 AM
Look on the other side, would you rather the car go to a perfect stranger, with slim-to-none chance of returning to you, or keep it in the family? Let your uncle know it means a lot to you and you're happy it is still in the family. And please if you ever sell it to put me (nephew) at the top of the list.

DanielDudley 08-19-2017 02:42 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 72doug2,2S (Post 9706045)
Look on the other side, would you rather the car go to a perfect stranger, with slim-to-none chance of returning to you, or keep it in the family? Let your uncle know it means a lot to you and you're happy it is still in the family. And please if you ever sell it to put me (nephew) at the top of the list.
Well put.

The advice you get here, is of course free. It only costs if you don't take it.

Chocaholic 08-19-2017 03:23 AM
Didn't read all the replies, so sorry if already said. Why not simply say that you "heard he wants to part with your dads car...it would mean a lot to have it back, let's work something out".

He may be happy to hear that. Lots of emotion and presumptions in your OP that may not be real.

Just talk to the guy. If you stand silent and then get angry if he does something you disagree with, well...you know the rest. Just talk to the guy.

Tervuren 08-19-2017 05:52 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by fastfredracing (Post 9705443)
Well, he is a smart successful guy, I have to believe that he is not naive enough to not know what this means to me .
I wouldn't make that assumption; you already have many cars. Why would he assume you wanted this one more car?

If it wasn't said, you can't blame him.

speeder 08-19-2017 08:35 AM
How on earth would he ever know that you want that car back if you've never said a peep about it for how many years? He's supposed to be able to read your mind and know your deepest feelings? This is crazy.

Maybe he thinks you don't want it since you've never mentioned it. Maybe he thinks you don't have the $$, (they've gone up a bit). My BIL has been yapping about getting an SS396 Chevelle as long as I've known him and he never will. He drives an Acura RDX and could afford 100 old muscle cars.

I'm sorry but this is some severely passive aggressive crap, secretly hating his guts while telling a bunch of strangers online about it. Tell him you want it in no uncertain terms, right now. Like in the next 30 minutes.

I'm assuming you have the $$ in hand if he says he wants to sell it now. If he's as smart as you say, he's not going to finance a relative. That's a guaranteed ticket to drama and resentment.

Congrats on new child.

1990C4S 08-19-2017 09:49 AM
While the car is the focal point for you right now, I think if you dig a bit deeper and are honest with yourself, you will see there's a lot more than the car going on.

Think about why you really dislike him so much before you speak to him. If it's just the car, then simply ask to be considered as a buyer, and tell him you are disappointed he didn't come to you first.

I suspect the real issue is so far in the past and so consuming to you that you can't patch things up. If so, just move on. Spilled milk.

ckelly78z 08-20-2017 05:46 AM
It really sounds like you ASS-U-ME that he would do the right thing when the time came to sell it. I would have made sure that he knew I was interested in the car for sentimental reasons. I don't think you can be mad at him for taking care of his family.

flatbutt 08-20-2017 07:27 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by fastfredracing (Post 9705342)
My Dad lost it all in Bankruptcy in 1996. My dad gave my Uncle the inside line in his bankruptcy ,and my uncle stole the car for pennies. I had just started my biz, bought a house, and did not have a pot to piss in at the time .
I may not be reading this correctly and even if I am I may be way outa line on this...but shouldn't your Dad have offered the car to you? Sure I can see that you'd expect your Uncle to say "whoa what about your boy?". But .....

Sincerest apologies if this is outa bounds.


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