My Uncle is Dead to me, can I rant here?
 

My Dad lost it all in Bankruptcy in 1996. He was already not in good financial shape, but then had a heart attack and lost it all, the house, all the cars, all the family money .
We had some cool cars, including, a 1970 ss 396, bought brand new by dad, and it was the car that I was brought home from the hospital in when I was born. It has 23,000 miles.
My dad gave my Uncle the inside line in his bankruptcy ,and my uncle stole the car for pennies. I had just started my biz, bought a house, and did not have a pot to piss in at the time .
Yesterday , on top of having a young son born, was my other Uncles funeral, and at the funeral, he offered the car to my cousins husband, who is a rich little douche. Got all his money from Daddy, and flaunts it .
I never mentioned the car to my uncle, in the past, as I did not want any weird feelings between us, but sort of thought it unspoken, that should he ever sell it, he would offer it to me first .
My uncle Jan , was sort of always my hero, and honestly I am having a hard time not picking up the phone and telling him to go fvk himself to hell, and shove that car up his ass.
Thanks for listening . Am I in the wrong for my ill feellings here? I grew up with this car .

You need to call him and get it off your chest regardless of where it might lead.

Congratulations on the new baby.

Congratulations on the new baby. You are a better man than I Gunga Din.

Concerning your uncle? It is a story repeated countless times across the world, the right and wrong way to deal with inheritance, lost family treasures and expectations.

I'd call Jan and tell him how you feel, dispassionately with no FU's. Get it off your chest...do not let this fester. It is important to you.

Don't expect it to go well. Say what is on your mind and move on. You'll learn a lot about Uncle Jan.

I don't think you're wrong for your feelings, but if you have never broached the subject of the car with your Uncle, how was he to know? The "unspoken" idea that you should be offered it first is your own fabrication. I wouldn't hold it against him for getting the car for "pennies" on the dollar--that's what happens in bankruptcy and it was a deal between brothers. Your financial situation and inability to buy the car is something that your uncle likely doesn't know or, at least, he did not put two and two together. You cannot be angry at a person for not doing something of which they are unaware.

I would let your anger cool a bit, then calmly tell your uncle just how you feel, and why. Don't accuse, but let him know that the car meant a lot to you and you would really like him to consider offering it to you. His son's attitude is irrelevant. You can only relate your feelings and await his response. He has never been enlightened on the matter so why not enlighten him now? Regardless of his response, your anger now is one-way and misdirected if the object of that anger is unaware that he, or his actions, are the cause.

Yeah, I think you need to talk to your uncle. Hopefully, you can stay calm in the process.

I've seen family do strange stuff or not think about what they were doing. Your uncle should have thought about you, but unless your dad put a clause into the sale, then it may not have been something that the uncle thought about or maybe he was just thinking about himself and making money off of your rich douche nozzle.

You might even think that if your uncle made a ton of money off of the car, that he might give some to your dad, but again, most folks aren't like that.

Agree with others. Let it cool off then say your peace.

I had similar recently with my mother (a pensioner) paying for my 54 yo sister to go on trips to Hawaii, Alaska, and most recently London/Spain. I told them both off, politely. My mother for ignoring her grandchildren (my kids) me and my wife; and my sister for taking money from a senior citizen living on fixed income.

Don't expect anything to change. I did not but just wanted to settle it and let them know that I knew and had heartache over it. They suck.

Hey a resentment!
It onlys hurts you, he probabaly doesn't know or doesn't care.
Identify the feelings it hurts in you, anger for him taking advantage of your dad, and by extension, you.Take some time ,maybe write it down, sit on it for a day or two. Then reread and edit until you get clear what you want to say, and how you want to say it.
You have some feellings toward pops too, address those at the same time.
Not in anger, but in honesty.
Say your peace, then let it go and be free of it. Good luck!

Wise words^^^^

Don't know if you are into writing but maybe put your words down on paper and hold onto it for a few days, then mail it to him... or burn it.


Or buy this and offer to race for pinks:

1969 Chevrolet Chevelle 2 DOOR HARDTOP | eBay

I am not salty about him getting it for pennies. He got it fair and square, and I understand there are many dynamics at play here.
He absolutely knows that I am a car guy, and that car meant something to me . Not getting at least first refusal , at any price point, is a kick in sack to me.
I think I am more hurt , than mad, but make no mistakes, I am mad.
I think I have to make the phone call. I'm going to cool off this weekend, and call him on Monday . I will do my best to not say anything that I will regret. I want to ask him what his motivations were. Am I not good enough? , do you like douche nozzle Billy better? Did I ever do something to you ?
I had always thought that he would pass it on to his own son, and I would be fine with that. Am I out of line in thinking that first refusal should be made to me ?
Family, phht.
Honestly, the damage is done, and no matter what he says, or happens from this point on, our relationship has changed forever .

Family sucks Fred. They are the first to F$$k you. Enjoy your new son he has your fathers blood. It's just a car.

Is this the guy?

Uncle Billy.

http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1503086686.jpg

First things first.....Congrats on the new arrival Fred! Best wishes to your expanded family :)!

Secondly, cool off, then make the call to your uncle and see where it goes imo. For "whatever" reason, your uncle did this, and only he knows why....find out. People make mistakes...give him a chance to explain, rectify, etc. and just maybe this can be mitigated.

In the meantime....hold that baby and smile, smile, smile :)

You're a good guy....

Congrats on your new baby Fred!

Only comment I can make is just about ALL families are dysfunctional.....at least to some degree.

I love my family members but gave up a long time ago any expectations of civility.

Maybe he thought you didn't have any interest in the car because you never brought it up?

Not at all! Common sense would be anything valuable (emotionally or financially) should be offered to the closest next of kin first (IMHO).

But as they say common sense is not all that common.

Well, he is a smart successful guy, I have to believe that he is not naive enough to not know what this means to me .

Fred: Congrats on the birth. UR a lucky guy.

Regarding the car: there is a lot of missing information, some of which you might not have available to you.

Is he gonna give it to the cousin's husband, sell it cheap or sell for fair market value?
What was the relationship between all involved over the years? Was cousin more in contact than you? Did the cousin or husband have a stronger work ethic than you were viewed as having?

When I pass, I know of many that will come out of the woodwork wanting my cars, bikes, cabin, etc.....Some are deserving, most are not.....I will favor those that worked hard and made their own way thru life. Those that stayed in touch and thanked me for gifts I've sent over the years.

A lot of factors in these kind if decisions......I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. Just saying I could be "That Guy" someday...

I wouldn't get sucked in to his drama...

Don't assume anything.
There's really only one way to find out and if you've never told him, then, no, he doesn't know.

Don't assume that Fred....talk to him. It might have never crossed his mind if you never talked to him about it..seriously! And if it's not a "done deal"... he might change course...

....and smile, smile, smile :)

edit....I meant to type ^^^^ This

didn't read Scott's post first...

Let it go.... Easy to say, hard to do. Focus on the positive in your life, the birth of your child. I get that the car has significant meaning to you but the best thing you can do is let go. I could be wrong but I don't see how any good can come from confronting him about the car.

Lots of missing background drama.. but here is a question. If you spoke to your uncle and found out he was selling the car, would you have the $$ to buy it? While this is a very emotional issue due to what the car represents to you, in the end, it is just a car. Metal, rubber, glass etc. The memories of your Dad are yours. The car is just a physical reminder. Talk it over. Maybe you will learn something else in the process.

You once get a sweet car from your own brother during his financial crisis, a pennies on the dollar gift car , he passes, you don't even offer his grown kid the option of purchase even if it is an expensive deal?

Fred has a valid point imo. (without knowing more)

"I am really, really interested in that car since it was my Dad's

If so and so does not want it, please consider me as a buyer."

FWIW, at my Mom's funeral near Charlotte 20 days ago. Two peeps, within ten feet of my Mom, laying in rest, asked me about car problems.

Funeral viewing room talk is (well, can be) cheap......................

This is just a guess... but his brother just passed away. When my brother passed I was like a zombie for 3-5 days.

My condolences to you Bob. Though both of my parents are getting up there, I haven't had to do that. Gawd I hate funerals...

Hope you are doing well!

Fred- its likely he's just oblivious like many overly self assured "intelligent" successful folks. I wouldn't make him "dead to me" but it does speak volumes about where his head is at.

I'd approach him like, "hey Uncle X, it probably didn't cross your mind with the stress and all, but that car was a part of me and I was really hurt not to have been given the opportunity" blah blah.

If he responds in a manner that shows reflection, then crisis averted. If he says, f-u, what are you talking about, he's dead to me too.

Thanks, Keith. Was a blessing at 81 after 12+ years of her in a bed at a care facility. Stroked out late in her 60's but was aware until the end. Not much ambulatory and could not speak unless songs or poems. Yes or no but she often got it backwards.

Probably TMI, but too many UTI's beat her up and pneumonia set in. At hospice, morphine-a-plenty. 1.5 days. Goodnight, Mom.

Thank you for your concern.

The older I get the older I get. Letting go of things like this keeps that trend alive. You've got a new son who needs you more than you'll ever need any car. Let the uncle know you're interested in the car if you must, then fuggetaboutit.

Unless the kid said I want it, or the father said my kid gets first refusal, why would you?

The guy isn't psychic...

Tell him you want it. Tell him why.
Then you'll see the quality of the man. Until then it's all feelings. Nothing is known, nothing is real.

And OP - good luck. I hope the uncle is a stand up guy. Even if he isn't mystic meg.

We'd prolly feel the same way as you did. Nothing wrong with your "ill feelings"

Yuppers. When you assume, yada, yada, yada.

So far this is all in your mind. This should be a great day in your mind, but you are making it the worst. Children can seem like a huge responsibility and even a burden sometimes, but they are really our greatest asset.

If you are going to let a car come between you and your family, it may seem like a precious object, but it is really a huge liability. Get some mental floss, and clean this up.

Look on the other side, would you rather the car go to a perfect stranger, with slim-to-none chance of returning to you, or keep it in the family? Let your uncle know it means a lot to you and you're happy it is still in the family. And please if you ever sell it to put me (nephew) at the top of the list.

Well put.

The advice you get here, is of course free. It only costs if you don't take it.

Didn't read all the replies, so sorry if already said. Why not simply say that you "heard he wants to part with your dads car...it would mean a lot to have it back, let's work something out".

He may be happy to hear that. Lots of emotion and presumptions in your OP that may not be real.

Just talk to the guy. If you stand silent and then get angry if he does something you disagree with, well...you know the rest. Just talk to the guy.

I wouldn't make that assumption; you already have many cars. Why would he assume you wanted this one more car?

If it wasn't said, you can't blame him.

How on earth would he ever know that you want that car back if you've never said a peep about it for how many years? He's supposed to be able to read your mind and know your deepest feelings? This is crazy.

Maybe he thinks you don't want it since you've never mentioned it. Maybe he thinks you don't have the $$, (they've gone up a bit). My BIL has been yapping about getting an SS396 Chevelle as long as I've known him and he never will. He drives an Acura RDX and could afford 100 old muscle cars.

I'm sorry but this is some severely passive aggressive crap, secretly hating his guts while telling a bunch of strangers online about it. Tell him you want it in no uncertain terms, right now. Like in the next 30 minutes.

I'm assuming you have the $$ in hand if he says he wants to sell it now. If he's as smart as you say, he's not going to finance a relative. That's a guaranteed ticket to drama and resentment.

Congrats on new child.

While the car is the focal point for you right now, I think if you dig a bit deeper and are honest with yourself, you will see there's a lot more than the car going on.

Think about why you really dislike him so much before you speak to him. If it's just the car, then simply ask to be considered as a buyer, and tell him you are disappointed he didn't come to you first.

I suspect the real issue is so far in the past and so consuming to you that you can't patch things up. If so, just move on. Spilled milk.

It really sounds like you ASS-U-ME that he would do the right thing when the time came to sell it. I would have made sure that he knew I was interested in the car for sentimental reasons. I don't think you can be mad at him for taking care of his family.

I may not be reading this correctly and even if I am I may be way outa line on this...but shouldn't your Dad have offered the car to you? Sure I can see that you'd expect your Uncle to say "whoa what about your boy?". But .....

Sincerest apologies if this is outa bounds.