What would you do?

[steveo12345]

Looking for some perspective here. For over two years my wife has endured subtle and not so subtle sexual harassment at her job. She has followed the proper reporting procedures and HR only puts it back to her telling her she must set boundries with the guy. I would think they would be more proactive given everything in the news lately but that has not been the case. This is not a small company.they have about 12 locations and probably close to 2,000 employees.

She works at a retirement community. There are 3 buildings on the campus. Other than the housekeeping staff she is the only employee in her building so she is somewhat isolated and a good target. The 70 year old campus Chaplin is the one harassing her. He has been talked to about it but my wife's name was not used. He was just told to stay away from staff and focus on the residents. Here is a short list of what he has done. There's more but these are the worst incidents.

- Unexpectedly kissed her on the forehead.
- Hugged her for no reason despite being pushed away repeatedly.
- Groped at her chest saying that her necklace was backwards (it wasn't and yes she pushed him away, he tried three times to grab at her).
- Suggestive comments to her about his pink underwear.
- Asked her if she would take him for a ride in the mail cart.
- Visited her while she was in the hospital when he had no reason to be there (there were no residents in the hospital at the time).

Since HR is not doing anything it seems that her choices at this point are:
1. Hire an attorney and sue the company.
2. Do nothing and just continue to ward off the advances of this jerk.
3. Go over everyones heads and report this to the company president.

She really does not want to sue as she likes her job other than putting up with the harassment. She thinks if she sues that she will loose her job and it will be her word against a 70 year old Chaplin. He looks like a sweet old guy, not the pervert that he is. I have offered numerous times to fix the problem but she insists that I stay out of it. It is her fight. Any thoughts are greatly appreciated.

[GH85Carrera]

Have her carry her cell phone with her always. Put it on record, and wait for the jerk to say the wrong things and have some proof. Then make a final report to HR, or go to the president.

[motion]

Very unfortunate situation for your wife. Get her one of those Clip recording cameras and have her clip it to her front at all times at work. He should get the message.

[steveo12345]

Originally Posted by motion

Very unfortunate situation for your wife. Get her one of those Clip recording cameras and have her clip it to her front at all times at work. He should get the message.

I like this idea. She's been trying to use her cell phone but the bastard usually takes her by surprise.

[legion]

Predators depend on a certain level of compliance from their victims. They pick people out who won't make a fuss and who put maintain a civil appearance above fighting back.

First, she should start documenting how unhelpful HR has been. This may end up in court one way or another. It's not unheard of for a company to fire the victim because it is easier than taking on the perpetrator.

Second, she should slap him and yell loudly every time he does something. Nothing is going to happen until she makes it uncomfortable for both the predator and HR.

[motion]

Originally Posted by legion

Predators depend on a certain level of compliance from their victims. They pick people out who won't make a fuss and who put maintain a civil appearance above fighting back.

First, she should start documenting how unhelpful HR has been. This may end up in court one way or another. It's not unheard of for a company to fire the victim because it is easier than taking on the perpetrator.

Second, she should slap him and yell loudly every time he does something. Nothing is going to happen until she makes it uncomfortable for both the predator and HR.

Very, very true. My wife would have him disassembled and begging for forgiveness within 5 seconds.

[id10t]

She should defend herself from assault or attempted rape next time. Then when the police are done she should sue the facility AND the individuals she has reported prior incidents to.

[DanielDudley]

Who exactly is helpless here ? They gave your wife permission to set boundaries with the guy.
Maybe she needs to take a self defense course or something. She is obviously not sending out the right signals.

''HEY, Hands OFF !'' Blunt is clear.

[Rick Lee]

In the days before smart phones I had a former co-worker who was in a similar situation to the OP's wife, and was frustrated that her complaints were being ignored. She got an appt. with the big boss and HR, waltzed right in with a micro cassette recorder, turned it on and plopped it on the boss's desk. She said, "This is for all our protection and to make sure there are no more misunderstandings." She ended up getting fired (low performance was official reason), but was sent off with a very comfortable severance.

[944 S2]

Just took training at work on this. The trading video suggests a complaint with EEOC. You’ll find lots of info online.

[steveo12345]

She has told him no and pushed him away each time. She said she will probably kick him in the balls next time he tries to grope her. Lately it has been more his remarks that just creep her out. She tries to get it on tape but he is quick and she hasn't been able to record anything yet.

[Por_sha911]

Send to corporate headquarters a registered notarized letter advising the company that for "legal notification purposes", she is advising them that the harassment has continued. Itemize all the previous dates of complaints filed. Provide copies. Let them read between the lines. Sexual predators are big news and the company will want to clamp down on this before it hits the shareholder's newspapers.
Disclaimer: I am not an attorney and I haven't stayed in a Holiday Inn lately.

[T77911S]

^^^
provide dates and events that it happened. also send letter to chaplin stating he needs to stop listed actions. what HR is trying to say, I think, is unless she states the actions are unwanted they cant do anything yet.
also the threat of legal action will get HR off their butts.

if you constantly ask a girl out at work and she just says no, that's considered "play" and can be taken as she likes the attention. if she says "stop asking me out" then the next time you do that's harassment.

a registered letter to both is a clear message that it is unwanted

[wdfifteen]

Two ways you could go.
1. Let corporate know via letter or email that harassment is going on in your facility and that some training needs to be done before it gets out of hand.
2. Visit the perp at home, show him the list you posted above. Tell him this crap has to stop immediately.

[RKDinOKC]

First, I've recently looked into the sexual harassment legalities. The victim is at a huge legal advantage.f I was accused of sexual harassment, got disciplined with a week home without pay and had to go to sensitivity training. I would have been fired but I threatened to sue. I was telling an HR person than handles our medical information about an issue where I received 3 skin grafts. And said I had to sign of form because the skin grafts were made from foreskin. She claimed I said they "Filled the holes in my foot with dead baby penises." Which neither me nor the psychiatrist they sent me to can figure was harassment. I was telling the HR person handling our medical information about a medical procedure and used the medical terminology and made no remarks about her being involved in any way.

I was very angry at HR because in the paperwork they went out of their way to lie not only about what I actually said but added other lies that had nothing to do with the incident to make me look bad. I went to the Chairman of the Board about the issue more to complain about the lies HR had added to the disciplinary report than the claim of harassment. He said I was only being disciplined because they were afraid of a lawsuit from the HR person. It LOOKED like I was disciplined but they never docked my pay, I was paid regular salary to go to "sensitivity training" and the training itself was paid for. So basically she got me an extra week of vacation and free time with a shrink to get advice on anything I wanted.

Now what HR is legally responsible to do according to state law here is give the guy a verbal warning. Then a written warning that goes in his employee records. Then sent home without pay for a week, also documented. Then fired. And the issue should never be mentioned or talked about in the workplace from or about either person with defamation of character and privacy as the reasons.

AND her word against his is NOT an issue. That is all it takes. And can't be fired for a sexual harassment law suit, specifically but they can always tried to come up with a reason. Even if she does not win a sexual harassment suit (which is very unlikely) it is illegal for her to be fired for it and can receive a huge monetary benefit. That is why I will never be alone with a woman in the workplace. The victim can claim anything that makes them uncomfortable as harassment.

What I would do having been on the accusal end of that kind of situation is...

Talk to HR and find out exactly and get in writing what the company policy is. Ask to see her complaints in writing as well. Explain to HR that legally anything he does or says that makes her uncomfortable is legally considered harassment since he has been asked to stop. If HR can't or won't produce at least a company policy that she can follow with complaints, then talk to a lawyer. She doesn't have to file a suit, but talk to one that handles harassment and find out what she can do that they will back her on if necessary.

Got organizationally to whomever is the HR persons supervisor and explain her position and that she does not want to have to file suit or leave the company because she considers the current situation to be a hostile workplace.

Instead of a phone or recording device carry mace and when he makes a comment threaten with it. If he makes and advance to touch or touches, use it instead of just pushing, he has been told to stop.

I don't think claiming a chaplain visiting a fellow employee in the hospital is in itself an act of harassment. Unless he says or does something inappropriate during the visit. When I was in the hospital the company chaplain, coworkers and supervisors all came to visit. That doesn't mean she can't ask the chaplain to please leave when he does show up. And can add religious harassment if he prays for her in her presence after being asked to leave, and told no she does not want him to pray for her.

[steveo12345]

Great advice here! Thanks guys.
Richard, good to hear some perspective from someone who was accused of harassment.

[flipper35]

Having worked at a facility with an HR department that was ineffective, her HR department is being ineffective. Whether it is on purpose or due to incompetence doesn't matter.

Where I work we have to do in-service training in all sorts of things every year including what your wife is going through. It is specifically mentioned that the recipient of harassment is NOT the one that sets the boundaries.

Lots of good advice above, document everything and she might have to go over HR. Sometimes a letter written on an attorney's letterhead will get results.

[Macroni]

Write letter to HR, copy the President and her direct supervisor.

Man.... the ***** has hit the fan.....

[Rikao4]

walk up..
and excitedly proclaim..
great news Father..
you're application for going to hell was approved..
all you have to do is mess with my wife one more time..
and it's....................

Rika

[1990C4S]

I would speak to a lawyer. And carry pepper spray. I'm serious about both.