Small talk. I'm just not good at it.

[masraum]

Originally Posted by cantdrv55

How do you guys do with small talk? Whats your secret?

My secret is to avoid it.

Sometimes or in certain situations, I can do it. I have to be comfortable with the people that I'm with or at least most of them. Actually, once I'm comfortable, like when I've worked with a group of people for a while, if I tell them that I'm not social and don't do well in social situations, they think I'm full of it. I think I've almost always been like that once I've gotten to know the people I work with at any job since I was about 16, but at a party or in school, no. Now that I'm older, most of my socialization is with the guys that I work with or family. We live in an apt, and I don't socialize much unless it's to say hello, or tell someone that they've got a cute dog.

Years ago, a place that I worked sent me to some sort of Dale Carnegie Course. It was a meeting a week for something like 8 weeks or maybe 12 or 16, I can't remember. They told us to ask about people, say their name back to them, and "be interested" (where are you from, do you have siblings, etc...). I've found that doesn't seem to work that well with most people. You get those answers and they may lead to other questions, but if you run out of questions, things stop. If you can't find something that you're both interested in to talk about, that makes it very difficult. I don't watch or give a crap about baseball, football, basketball or really any of those sorts of sports. I like the motorsports, but I don't really keep up with any of them. That usually kills one of the main sources of chit chat with many/most other men and a lot of women.

[Por_sha911]

Originally Posted by oldE

Ask a question and listen to their response. Ask another question based upon that. People love to talk about something in which they are interested.

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

Good conversation is about listening.
To participate requires not much more than that and asking the odd question here and there to keep the speaker engaged.

Both of these. People love to feel important so ask them to talk about themselves or about things they like. Get your clues from what they say. If nothing else, ask open ended questions like asking a couple how they met or, asking where the person is from...

Hey and how about them Bruins?! Marchand just got back from injury and is racking up points in his first two games back.

[speeder]

I usually ask people some variation of, "how's it going" or "how ya doin?", accompanied by a smile. This leads to a lot of very short but pleasant conversations and everyone loves me.

You're welcome.

[speeder]

Originally Posted by Baz

oldE and Patrick are on the right track.

You can never go wrong when asking the person about themself.

I always begin by asking "Where are you from?" If they hesitate....I then add "Originally?" - just to make it easier to answer with their birthplace.

Usually you'll also get info on other places they have lived, timeline, and perhaps some family history.

All those thing can be of interest and provide a fair basis for further conversation very easily.

Another potentially great opening question could be "What kind of car do you drive?"

Or......"Tell me about yourself....do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"Are your folks still with us/"

Or....."What line of work are you in?"

I'm going to have to disagree, those would be terrible conversation enders w a lot of people. If You asked some stranger what kind of car they drive, they'd probably look at you like you have a dick growing out of your forehead. "Wtf is he asking me this? Weirdo."

The other questions are either too personal and/or sound like you are gathering information for what purpose(?) Definitely would have people avoiding you for the rest of the cocktail party. They would think that you have autism in any large city.

Seriously, this stuff is not difficult and there is no reason to ever have to engage in "small talk" w anyone. The key to getting along w people is to say hello, extra points for remembering their name if you've been introduced in the past and otherwise staying out of their schit. Smile and mind your own business and everyone will like you.

Damn near, anyways.

[livi]

Step 1: Large whisky bottoms up.

Question 1: Whats your opinion on our immigration policy?

Animated discussion in less than ten seconds.

I absolutely loath small talk.

[Bill Douglas]

"How old is the dog?" "Oh really, he's got such a sweet personality." "Me too, haha, my dog likes to sit on my lap and watch TV."

"If you don't mind me asking; are those Riekers?" "Wow, a friend wears them and says he can walk all day long and not get tired feet."

"Eew vodka, I never drink vodka unless it's in a Caribbean cooler, would you like one?"

[matthewb0051]

Hate is not a strong enough word.

What really gets me is the totally unnecessary small talk first thing in the morning with the in-laws when visiting, or my mother, or father (rest in peace). Worst of all is when they ask a question about something you know they totally don't understand or care about. Just want to engage. Isn't being together enough?

[LEAKYSEALS951]

At Thanksgiving dinner the other week, after a bottle or two of vino, an inlaw started gushing accolades for Elon Musk as savior of mankind (in one of these small talk types of exchanges).

I smiled, shook my head up in down in acknowledgement, trying not to chuckle- thinking...

Them' PPOT boys would just LOVE to have a word with you...Just LOVE it...

(Irony being he's an ultra conservative guy- even called in and gotten to talk to Rush once or twice...)

[motion]

I can't do it either. Had the chance to listen in to a couple of money guys BS'ing with each other. You know the type... they schmooze for accounts. These guys were amazing. All the buzz words, some choice F-bombs, sports scores, a little gossip. They went on and on. Golf course talk, I guess. No way I could hang like that.