admit to your stupidity

During the rebuild on my 3.2, I mounted the entire head assemblies, with one piece oil return tubes. After torquing everything down in the proper order I realized I'd forgotten to install the air deflectors. The oil return tube were in the way. So off it all came. Fortunately I had used Raceware head studs so I was able to retorque them.

[gerry100]

In '72 fresh out of Engineering school with a job that payed the then princely salary of $11,300/year., I began my search for a cool sports car..

BMW 2002 was around $4k ( $4500 for the Tii). Way too much.

I beat the system and went for a Fiat 124 coupe for $3200.

Thanks for providing a thread where I could tell this story.

[vlocci]

10 years old, parents sign me up for the cubscounts so I can "make some friends" my own age. Prior to tihs, I spend my time hanging around grandpa, a truck driver. Needless to say, I've got the vocabulary of a 60 year old tucked inside my 10 year old body.

First event at cubscounts I supposed to attend is the annual fishing trip. Biggest event of the year, and the one everyone looks forward to I'm told. Mom drops me off at the pier with the instructions, "be good and try to make some friends your age"

We all get onboard, ready to wet a line, and captain hits the starter button for the diesels. They turn over but wont catch, but then again it is a old boat with tired engines and it is COLD outside. Captain comes to stern of the boat, props up the engine cover and hands college aged first mate a can of starter fluid. Tells him to call to him when he is ready and returns to the bridge.

First mate crawls into bilge, and proceeds to look around aimlessly. I see this as my chance to make frineds and in0fluence people, and volunteer my skills, while spouting at the mouth my impressive 10 year old resume noting how I'm done this "dozens of time with Grandpa and his trucker friends."

First mate seems impressed with my credentials, and into the billge I climb snatching the can of ether from his hand. Grandpa always said spray into the aircleaner for no more than 2 or 3 seconds, but 10 year old logic tells me these engines are much bigger and we're in a rush to go fishing. I come close to emptying the can between the 2 diesels. First mate watches all this in amazement. I see myself as the hero of every cubscout on board, and am plotting where to place my "engine starter" pin on my crisp blue uniform.

I give the first mate the thumbs up, and he signals the unaware captain.

Time now starts to move much slower....

Starter solenoids click......
.........engines begin to rotate......
........ BANG from over my left shoulder
....... BANG from over right houlder

........ Velcro sneakers are starting to feel a little wet....


Seems there was an "unexplained" backfire in the exhaust of both engines that was serious enough to blow off just about every elbow in the cooling system. This wouldnt have been that big of a deal except for the fact that the boat exhaust exited below the waterline, causing instant flooding from a pair of 5 inch sized holes through the hull that were no longer connected to anything.

A speedy evacuation onto the nearby dock, and my peers and I witnessed the sinking of our boat, our fishing trip, and my chances of being accepted as "one of the cool kids".

I was later politely asked to not return to any other meetings.

I'm embarassed to admit that things have only progressivly gotten worse.


Vin

[COLDBASS]

Vin, Great story...I need to party with you...


Bob

[PorscheRB]

........ Velcro sneakers are starting to feel a little wet....


HAHAHAHAAAAAAA Awesome story. Told that to my friend who doesn't know **** about cars, boats, engines, etc, and even she appreciated it.



Ian

[Neilk]

Vin,

That's one of the funniest stories I have ever read. Please post more.

[steveW]

I rebuilt my Formula Vee (beetle) motor and managed to get the cooling tinware muddled so left cooling covers became right and then put in the distributor and the plug leads wouldn't reach the corresponding plugs as indicated on the covers.

I then swapped all the plug leads around on the dizzy and the motor would not start.

Never for a moment did I think I'd got the cooling shrouds muddled even though they were a ***** to fit and not even after I thought it was strange that #1 cylinder had moved to the other side of the motor!!

[Speed Buggy]

Just changed my trans fluid for the second time. The first time, I bought this really cool funnel that could be closed, you probably know the one. Took two days to put the gear lube in. Last night, I took out the little filter screen. 25 minutes. I have had my car for 1 1/2 months. I am just getting started. Adjusting the valves tonight, Probably be writing more tomorrow.
Cheers,
Mike

Originally posted by 3.2 CAB
My most recent screw up was to buy a new oil catch pan, and thinking I could use it to drain the oil from the 84' 3.2. Had 19-20 quart capacity. But when the oil comes out of a 3.2 at the speed of sound, that damn little screw in hole plug in the top of the drain pan won't let the oil into the pan as fast as it is coming out of the tank. So I got to see what about 3-4 qts of used oil looked like on my new garage floor. DUHHHH

I did that last night too, while draining for the valve check. When that oil hits that hole, it is like a boat wake. It goes everywhere.

[amk]

My first project on my toy was a spectacular failure. I just driven my 911 home and noticed the oil was low. Never worked on a car before, never owned an old car before… but how hard can topping up the oil be? After all I'm an IT Consultant, I've got a degree, I can figure this out…

I pop down to the local service station and buy the most expensive synthetic oil I can find (only the best for my new toy). Pop home and top up the oil to the max mark on the dipstick… while the car is cold. I jump in the car with my better half and get ten minutes down the road before I glance in the mirror and notice the batmobile smoke screen spewing out of the back of the car. I pull over and the oil is literally pouring out of engine, its forming puddles on the road. We leave the car to cool down and walk up to a coffee shop, where we bump into friends and have to explain what I'm up to (much to my wife's amusement). Once the car cools down I limp home, using high gears to try and minimize temperature and get into the garage just as the bat screen activates.

So I decide to read the owners manual (now there's a thought), get oil designed of old cars and do my first oil change, topping the oil up to mid way on the dip stick when at 80 degrees centigrade. Only problem is everything is covered in oil, particularly the heat exchangers, every time she warms up the batscreen reappears. After a phone call to my brother in law who knows a lot about cars and lives interstate (sigh) I decide to try and burn the burn the oil off by running it round the block a few times. The massive clouds of smoke just refuse to go away, in fact I'd swear they are getting bigger. After my third run the street is full of smoke and I can hear my neighbors coughing. So now I'm looking down the barrel of my first de-grease… so I call a flatbed truck and get the car shipped to my mechanic (convinced I'll get booked it I try and drive there)… she who must be obeyed breathes a sigh of relief.

Cumulative ownership at this point: 2 days.

[sushinav]

Was using a chopstick as an indicator of top dead center by putting it in the sparkplug hole as I have done many times before. But not on a 944 turbo, which has an offset slanted hole. As the piston rises, I hear a sickening snap. I spy only half a chopstick laying on the garage floor, realize where the other half is, my heart sinks and I let out a slow "FFFFFFUUUUUUUCCCCCCCC."
A six pack drank over 4 hours laying on my engine and fishing for it through that damn tiny hole with grabbers and my microsurgeon like skills results in NADA!
Wife walks into the garage and says "can I try?" Before I finish explaining what happened and why, she fishes out the stick remnant with the grabbers!
That piece of chopstick piece now hangs framed on our wall.

[Clay Perrine]

This has been a greatly entertaining thread.. I have not laughed so hard in a long time! So now for my contributions......

Story #1. Flashback to 1980. A warm summer evening and a bunch of 16 year old guys are standing around a 70 Ford Torino. We had removed the hood so more of us can stand around and try to figure out why the 351 Clevleand runs so badly. The debate goes on about the carb and the vacuum leaks, and one of us is yelling about checking the ignition. Up rolls the car owner's brother. He is 18 (legal drinking age at that time) and stumbling drunk. It's summer and all he is wearing is a pair of cutoffs. He proceeds to climb up on the car and sit on top of the windshield hoop with his feet on the cowl. He watches us fool with the runnning motor for a few minutes, then he decides to be a smart@ss. He stands up and decides to soak us all with beer piss by pissing in the fan. For those of you who don't know Fords, the distributor on a 351 Cleveland is is right behind the fan. Standing on a metal car in bare feet, he pisses directly on top of the MSD equipped distributor. All of us standing around the car see a great light show, and the car dies. Then we hear the screaming. My friend's brother is laying on the ground screaming and holding onto his "best friend". We laughed for about a minute or 2 before we decided this was serious enough to warrant telling his Mom. They took him to the hospital, and he ended up there for a week with second degree burns on his penis and testicles the size of grapefruits. I lost track of those guys after high school, and I often wonder if he was able to have kids.

Story #2. I am now a lot older (22) and I have been working at a White's Home and Auto in the repair shop for about 6 months. We had single post inground lifts, and one empty bay that we used for State insepctions. The manager had hired a 16 year old kid to do oil changes and such. He had never used a lift before. He brings in a full sized Ford pickup to change the oil, and puts it on the lift next to the inspection bay. I had just finished inspecting a 1 year old Honda Accord and was standing at the cabinet facing the front of the Accord when the Ford pickup rolls off the single post lift at max height and lands upside down on top of the Accord, flatting all 4 tires on it and crushing the suspensionto the stops. I hsd to go inside, still holding the filled out inspection sticker and tell the owner of the Accord that her car was totaled while in our shop. It took a wrecker company 4 hours and a wrecker used to pull 18 wheelers to drad the mess out of the shop. Then they took a crane and lifted up the Ford pickup. Needless to say the Accord was totaled and the kid was unemployed.

Story #3. I get a Acura in the shop one day witht he airbag light on. I start troubleshooting it, and it all leads back to a computer fault. So being paranoid I disconnect the battery and walk away and go have lunch for an hour. I come back and pull out the component locator. Ok, the airbag computer is located under the center console. I get some tools to start removing the console, and I find a cell phone handset inside the box in the console. Being completely paranoid, I crawl in the back seat and start removing the 6" long self tapping screws that someone had used to mount the base for the handset, driving the screws completely throught the airbag computer and into the sheet metal below it. Just about the time the last screw is coming out, both airbags discharge. Luckly I was in the back seat at the time! I pulled the computer, and we called the ower of the car. He paid to have the computer and the airbags replaced, and I had to go to court to when he sued the cell phone installer's shop.

Story #4. Just a week ago last Saturday, I had a friend over who also owns a 914. He had a leaking left rear brake caliper, so we put it on the lift in my garage to fix the caliper. I noticed that the backup lights were disconnected on his car, so I decided to fix them. To get them to light up, the car has to be in reverse and the key has to be turned on. Well, the antenna on his car is an automatic one that comes up when the key is on, not when the stereo is turned on. I bring the car down with the backup lights fixed, and I hear Joe yelling "Oh $hit! Look at the Antenna. It now has a directional loop bent in it from running into my garage ceiling.

I have more, but I will leave you with these to enjoy......

[MarkGC]

Selling my 911 and buying a 308 Ferrari.....stupid mistakes don't get much bigger than that!

[joelkaplan]

these posts have me laughing out loud and making my staff think I am looney.....a couple of tales for ya......having just bought my T last winter I take it out for a drive and decide to stop at a Starbucks; I find a remote corner of a parking lot and after maneuvering the car with ten different turns into a tight far away spot I open the driver's door into a high hidden curb and scratch the paint!...tiny scrape but I was SO mad......and felt SO stupid. Back when I was 17, I had my dad's Town and Country wagon out on a date w/ a hottie. It was time to take her home and get my lips on her's for the first time; so I double park car and walk her to her door..it was then that I see car rolling down her one way street>>I forgot to put it in park!; lickily the car tracked amazingly straight and being on my high school track team I just sprinted to it and jumped in.

[lateapex911]

Originally posted by Clay Perrine
This has been a greatly entertaining thread.. I have not laughed so hard in a long time! So now for my contributions......

Story #1. Up rolls the car owner's brother. He is 18 (legal drinking age at that time) and stumbling drunk. It's summer and all he is wearing is a pair of cutoffs. He proceeds to climb up on the car and sit on top of the windshield hoop with his feet on the cowl. He watches us fool with the runnning motor for a few minutes, then he decides to be a smart@ss. He stands up and decides to soak us all with beer piss by pissing in the fan. For those of you who don't know Fords, the distributor on a 351 Cleveland is is right behind the fan. Standing on a metal car in bare feet, he pisses directly on top of the MSD equipped distributor. All of us standing around the car see a great light show, and the car dies. Then we hear the screaming. My friend's brother is laying on the ground screaming and holding onto his "best friend". We laughed for about a minute or 2 before we decided this was serious enough to warrant telling his Mom. They took him to the hospital, and he ended up there for a week with second degree burns on his penis and testicles the size of grapefruits. I lost track of those guys after high school, and I often wonder if he was able to have kids.

Hopefully not, if Darwin has anything to say about it!

[Wrecked944]

I learned this past weekend that it is a really good idea to remove your wheel chocks before going for a test drive. Otherwise, your car becomes (in the words of Chris Bennet) a "Chock Launcher". Here is a picture of what happens to the "chock projectile" after being launched at hypersonic speeds from the rear wheel of a Porsche.

[no substitute]

Originally posted by gerry100
In '72 fresh out of Engineering school with a job that payed the then princely salary of $11,300/year., I began my search for a cool sports car..

BMW 2002 was around $4k ( $4500 for the Tii). Way too much.

I beat the system and went for a Fiat 124 coupe for $3200.

Thanks for providing a thread where I could tell this story.

I understand completely. I had one of the first new 850 Spyders in the area. It was actually a lot of fun at first, but had the usual Fiat problems (broken crankshaft!). When I wanted to trade up I was considering a 124 when a friendly local rally co-pilot said the magic words BMW. Ended up with one of the best cars I'd ever owned, '69 2002. Cost all of $3600 tax and license, and would cruise at --- all day long.

[KLR]

I'm really surprised that those Acura airbags would deploy once the battery's been disconnected for a while. I've had my 951's airbags out twice now. The directions that I've used (from multiple sources) all say that if the battery's been disconnected for over 30 minutes, the capacitor in the bag should discharge and there is no danger of them going off.

As for stories...

I replaced the fuel lines, brake lines, clutch master and slave, some coolant hoses, and changed the oil last week in my car. Thus, I basically changed parts that hold every bit of fluid in the car except for the p/s fluid (i.e., gas, oil, coolant, brake fluid). Because the clutch slave failed in my brother in-law's sloped driveway, I actually ended up rolling the car backwards onto his parking pad (freshly redone with new, expen$ive pavers) to put it on jackstands and do the work. So, I'm basically dealing with every fluid in the car on top of his brand new, $10,000 driveway. Let the mayhem begin:

1. I didn't get the memo about elevating the front of the car when replacing the fuel hoses, even after depressurizing the fuel system. They left that part out of the directions. About 1 gallon of gas spread across several containers and the ground later (plus a frantic phone call after I realized that I was not just dealing with the "few ounces of residual fuel in the lines"), I got the rear of the car on the ground and flood stopped. Ouch.

2. When removing a bracket holding the cycling valve (if you've owned a 951, you know what this is), I discovered that the bolts holding the bracket also hold down a fitting on the cooling system. Loosening these bolts caused me to shed about 1/2 gallon of coolant (if you've owned most anything other than a 356, 911, 914, or VW, you know what this is) down the side of the motor and onto the pavers. I did actually need to drain the cooling system to about that level, but hadn't intended to do it quite that way.

3. After replacing the clutch master cylinder and slave cylinder, I'm bleeding the system with my power bleeder and thinking, "hmmm... I've run quite a bit of fluid through here and I'm still getting a lot of air bubbles; how odd." After the fluid stops flowing entirely, I return topside to discover that the line from the reservoir to the m/c has failed, fortunately only sending a small amount of brake fluid down onto the pavers. Of course, to replace this line, I have to remove the clutch master cylinder. Ouch.

4. Having already scored the trifecta, I thought I'd go for a grandslam when changing the oil. Needless to say, I managed to put about half a quart on the ground when I removed the plug and discovered that my catch pan was not positioned as it should be (thankfully I had a good bit of newspaper spread out, just in case).

Amazingly, with some spritzing of simple green and some craftsman cleaner that I found in my brother in-law's garage, plus some vigorous scrubing and washing down with the power hose, there is not a spot on the pavers! I literally felt like Ferris Bueller. Believe it or not, I'm going back this week to refinish my phone dials. I'm tempted to do it on his driveway just for the sake of it.

[tiorio]

Ah, to be 16 again...

Working on Mom's Bronco II in one bay of the 2-car garage, truck in neutral to be able to turn the motor over...

Now I have to make a parts run so I jump in my 'rough' 912 and head to the loco NAPA or whatever and return to find my dad has a load of lumber leaning on the front of the Bronco, which is slowly pushing it out of the garage and towards the driveway which slopes abruptly to the street. I'm thinking 'DAMN! This is REALLY GOOD timing' and fly into the driveway in the 912, jump out, jump in the now rapidly rolling Bronco and apply brakes just before the rear wheels drop off the little rock retaining wall into the neighbors yard.

The satisfaction fades rapidly as I watch my 912, running and in neutral, roll back down the driveway I had just driven it up into the front of the Bronco I had just saved, with just enough force to put the rear wheels over the aforementioned retaining wall.

At least I could drive the 912 back into the driveway. The Bronco was stuck until I could finish the tune-up I was in the middle of! Then of course I was able to drive BOTH vehicles to the body shop...one at a time!

[Paulbav]

hmmm Learnt the hard way that you can't put the calipers on the left side of the car on the right side of the car and vice versa (3 days of bleading before realising)Doh!!

[deoxford]

Well I have Two that are any good, well that I feel a little bit better about now, to tell

1. I bought this car thinking I was going to change to oil and be riding

http://www.356-911.com/911restogallery/derekoxford911.htm

that one speaks for it's self.

2. The one really nice part of the above car was the dash, well I read the book the night before on how to remove it, So the next day i undo the bolts need to remove the dash. Well I went to pulll it out and it was stuck, so I pulled harder so hard I Cracked the nice dash right in half.
After rippig all the dash into little peices I found the last two bolts I forgot to remove, not bad just a $900 in about 3mins mistake.