A 944, a 968..and a friggin riced out Celica

Frank B · 05-08-2003, 08:00 PM

Hmmm was what I said as I was on my way back from a nice evening out for dinner with the kids (while my wife is in Indiana for work) when we were honked at by a very smart looking dark green 968... Hmmm was what I said as a return honk and a wave from me was all I had to offer, My 10 year old daughetr on the other hand, offered me a look at the moron Ricer in a (duct taped together black Celica) that was brutally tailgating the 968. As the 968 passed, he rolled his eyes and "thumbed" behind him as to say," look at what's stuck to my shoe.." Hmm, was what I said as I was thinking, how could I teach this dork a few manners with my kids in the car.
Hmmm, I said to myself again as My 10 year old daughter told my 8 year old daughter to "get ready".. ..Hmmm, was what I said to myself again as I pulled up to the ricer.... Hmmm was what I said as he gave ME the finger as I pulled up to him.....Hmmm was what I said as he noticed the expression on my face because he realized that the guy in the Sapphire Metallic 944 saw him give him the Finger...Hmmm was what I said as I let the ricer drift ahead... Hmm was what I said as the Celica tried pulling around the 968 and farted out a huge cloud of thick black smoke... hmmm was what I said as the 968 pulled out in front of him as if to say.. No, I don't think so....hmm was what I said as I pulled up behind the celica.. Hmm was what I said as I rocketed by the celica and alongside the 968....Hmmm was what I said as I pointed to the celica and the 968 driver laughed as if to say, Yeah, I know I have shyte stuck to my shoe.. Hmmm was what I said as I accelerated past the 968...hmm was what I said as the celica tried to accelerate up to me... Hmm was what I said as the 968 and me in the 944 boxed in the ugly black celica.. Hmmm was what my daughter said to me as she immediately understood what me in my 944 and the driver of the 968 were teaching the driver of the Ugly Black duct taped celica.... Hmmm was what she said when she said before she said.. that guy needs to park that stupid car and buy a porsche..... Hmmm was what I said.....

Frank B

AFJuvat · 05-08-2003, 11:02 PM

Hmmmm.....

Sometimes abject humiliation is a good thing..

Hmmm

AFJuvat

fty · 05-09-2003, 12:06 AM

Your kids are cool!!!

CJFusco · CJFusco's Garage

Stupid ricers.

Nabeel · 05-09-2003, 05:56 AM

Looks like your daughters are two future Porsche drivers. Good job raising 'em Frank!

Stuttgart951 · 05-09-2003, 07:32 AM

Hmmmm... good story... hmmmmm

944S Boyeee · 05-09-2003, 08:19 AM

Was that a story or a poem???

Either way, I liked it!

944S Boyeee

SidVicious · 05-09-2003, 08:48 AM

I had a ricer tailgating me on the way to work today.

I envy the James Bond BMW with the caltrop-deploying trunk.

CJFusco · CJFusco's Garage

I had to go to autozone today to pick up some Meguire's wax (pictures to come later

), and the store was just about taken over by ricers. All the employees were ricers, and all the young customers were too. Damn I got some dirty looks when I pulled up in the Porsche.

SidVicious · 05-09-2003, 10:18 AM

CJ they're jealous of those shocks. Next we'll see ricers painting their shocks yellow, as well as their little drum brakes.

I can't help but laugh every time I see yellow painted brake drums. My dogs eat out of bowls bigger than those little bitty drums.

944S Boyeee · 05-09-2003, 11:31 AM

Isn't that something??!!! Those painted drums are just silly.

Almost as bad as putting a hockey card in your bike spokes to make that "motorcycle" sound.

Ricers - can't live with them, can't make them sit any higher!

944S Boyeee

Frank B · 05-10-2003, 06:47 AM

I did that to my friends Harley... it was hilarious.

Frank B · 05-10-2003, 06:57 AM

Speaking of Bond Mobiles, I'd love to ( will never happen) make a car that is very gadget oriented. For example I'd love to make something that has a reservior and some sort of squirt gun attached to it at around trunk level (rear) that you could blast a tailgater with something like Pig *****, or Rhino Urine. Those are the 2 most Foul smelling substances ever left behind by, well, anything probablly.... That'd be my contribution to society, yep, that'd be about it.

Buddy · 05-10-2003, 08:08 AM

Frank: You've already got just about everything you need to do that. All you need is another washer pump, a resevoir and some tubing. Hook it up to the same switch as the windshield washers and there you go. You'll be washing the windows innocently while spraying the tailgater at the same time. One thing; be sure the tubing sticks far enough out from the bumper and low so the swirling air off the spoiler doesn't pick up the foul scent and bring it back to your car.

BTW, try a sporting goods store that sells deer scent. THAT is some pretty bad stuff! But much cheaper and easier to find than rhino urine.

scottmandue · 05-10-2003, 08:22 AM

hmmmm Frank...
maybe if Jessy James get tired of his job at monster garage...
hmmm...

944ThatCould · 05-10-2003, 01:22 PM

[QUOTE]Originally posted by SidVicious
[B]CJ they're jealous of those shocks. Next we'll see ricers painting their shocks yellow, as well as their little drum brakes.

Thats already been done for years.. Heh

zaxx81 · 05-10-2003, 07:38 PM

Frank, Metallic Blue 944? Can I see a pic? Here's mine

Paul Glasson · Paul Glasson's Garage

I am trying to find if we have a similar term for a "Ricer", and the closest I can come up with is what we call a "Wind-gat", which literally translated means wind hole or I suppose "arse hole", but it implies someone trying to be IT when they are not the "main manne".
The worst culprets here in Durban seem to be the young owners of BM's who have fitted the obligitory mag wheels with low profile tyres,the back aerofoil ,front and side spoilers & mega watt car cd shuttle system, but have left the engines stock standard.
Their add ons alone are probably 1/2 the value of my 84,944 and they drive as though their manhood is somehow connected to their right foot that operates the accelerator. What I like to do is let these guys stick to the back of me like velcro going down hill, until there is a nice windey uphill where the power and roadholding of my tractor leave them eating my vapour trail. Funny how they don't come and stick like vecro to you then, but keep their distance somewhere in the back even though you slow right down.
I like the idea of the Rhino urine, pig ****, or deer scent. Cats piss, especially wild cats would be good enough for me, and smells worse than rhino piss.
I do how ever admire those guys who do something to significantly improve the engine performance of their cars and only do barely discernable cosmetic changes that improve roadholding, especially so on limited budgets.

944S Boyeee · 05-14-2003, 08:44 AM

Paul - very good point on how they won't come back up on your tail after you blow them away.....even if you slow down.

I find they do that also....small world, eh?

944S Boyeee

Frank B · 05-14-2003, 10:53 AM

Hey, I like all of the alternative ideas regarding my "Tailgating fixer upper" If only I had a golf ball shooter.. Or maybe just buy a Flatbed GMC.. circa 1964 (sweet Flat six) and have one of my friends drive it while I drive golf balls through the windshields of complete jagoffs.. that'd be somethin' huh?.. I could install snowbord bindings on the bed and click in so as I don't fall down while the driver accelerates and decellerates... dang I'm creative, or wacked, one or the other...... Boy I've been cranky too.. hehee.....Saw a nice cayenne today parked in front of it actually.. the lady in it was shaking her head at me while she was on the phone sitting in the drivers seat, when she got out she asked me if I could move my car because she didn't want to have to back up.. so I said, "Umm, no.) well, she said something I didn't understand, (another language besides english thank you) and slammed her door , then walked by me in a tizzy smelling of disgusting whorish perfume and cigarettes. So, while I was standing there in cosmic disbelief that someone bought this rathole a car, I came up with the idea to wipe a giant booger on her door handle, so, I did. Then I went somewhere else to buy my goddamn Ravioli's.
I suck don't I?.. hehe.. Im know that I'm gonna get hammered for this, wait til my wife reads it, I haven't told her yet. Hehehe....

Frank B