Creative engineering at its finest

[AFJuvat]

Had a 83 928 come into the shop earlier this week. Car can be charitably described as "rough"

List of complaints provided by customer as well as instructions are as follows:

Battery drains within 1 hour
gas tank leaks a little - do not fix
Window switch inoperative, do not fix unless this is causing the short
Severe front end wobble - "tell me whats wrong and I'll fix it"

On to the troubleshooting!

On visual inspection, when the car is running the gasoline leak is approximately 1 drip per second - this is not a little leak, oddly enough, it is leaking from the fuel pump area.

Series ammeter indicates car is pulling 3.5 amps - enough to drain a battery, but not in less than an hour, also, not bad enough to pop a fuse - damn, will have to do this the long way.

Wait one second, that battery looks a little odd - the old socks holding it in the battery compartment are a nice touch, hmm, I didn't know Johnson Controls made a car battery - well what do you know, they don't - it is the battery for an uninteruptable power supply..... Hmm, installing a car battery should help a little - well lookie here, a second battery cable electrical taped to the original.

Install battery, remove bodged on cable, dispose of old socks, install battery clamp, battery still pulling 3.5 amps, but not draining it so quickly.

Since it isn't pulling enough to blow a fuse, time to check for a stuck relay or short in one or more circuits.

Did you know that a 928 has over 20 relays and 36 seperate fused circuits? The 3 kilometers of wire are just gravy.....

Sounding like a bad verizon commercial now... pull fuse, call to co-worker watching the meter "Did the current drop now?" - repeat 56 times.

(did I mention that in a 928, the battery is in the rear of the car, next to the gas tank, which is leaking, and the fusebox is under a toeboard in the passenger seat footwell?)

Alas, current draw is not on a fused circuit, I did however find 3 ancient power plugs for various car appliances sold by radio shack and 2 more old socks (what is this guys deal with socks??!!).

Open the hood and look what we have here, the sensor wire to the distributor has been broken and repaired! Now what possessed out intrepid owner to repair it with not one, but TWO pieces of double strand lamp cord escapes me.

Apparently our owner also feels that Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side, a dark side, and holds the 928 electrical universe together. Unfortunately for him, that aluminum engine sound pad he installed on his hood - also held in with duct tape does not work nor play well with the distributor wire.

Remove distributor wire follow wore tp control box on passenger side - more duct tape holding now shattered electrical contact together.

disconect sad remains of electriocal connector, check current again, Hey, we are down to 2.5 amps now - Multiple shorts!!! Whoopie!! Note that Distributor O-ring is no longer of this earth and should be replaced

Easily enough, all that is left is the Battery\starter\alternator circuit.

Visual inspection indicates that somewhere under the layers of oil, dirt, and electrical tape, the oil pressure sender wiring is shorting to the oil pan Electrical tape and oil do not mix you see.... AND our fearless DIY mechanic replaced his own diodes in the alternator!! Pull out the alternator and send it off to the rebuild shop. Owner of alternator shop asks what the hell happened to this alternator. I respond with "you really don't want to know"

Voila, car is now drawing .04 amps.

Visual inspection of gas leak (over rode customers instruction to ignore fuel leak as leaking fuel is safety issue - if it ever gets ugly, state law is on my side) indicates that owner neglected to put sealing rings back when he replaced his check valve. Replace sealing rings.

What is the moral of this story you ask?

The customer, in his effort to save money (which all told was less than $200 in parts) wound up costing himself over $800 in repairs. Don't be cheap, fix it right or don't bother.

I still don't understand the socks....

AFJuvat

[Rock]

hahahah what the hell is wrong with this guy. i should duct tape him and put some socks over his lips then take his car. That way the car could have a decent owner

[todwic]

I like socks!

[UconnTim97]

lmao...it is amazing that car still runs

[Wolf1]

Nice story Juvy!!!!

He will probably be pissed when he can't find his socks!!!..

[Dark Skies]

Originally posted by todwic
I like socks!

Yeah, don't be dissing the versatility of socks.

Filled with concrete and tied to a stout length of rope they make excellent temporary brakes - just chuck 'em out of the window and they'll lodge on something eventually.

[Crippler]

Just wondering what this guy's reaction was to the 800 dollar repair bill and the fact that you didn't even use duct tape to fix anything?

[MrPants]

haha and i b*tch about my electrical problems in the 44. sheesh. i was waiting for you to say that you found socks in the alternator.

[justin]

Damn, Juvy your shop should hire this joker.

[Zero10]

Lol socks in the alternator, well at least it has warm feet... That reminds me of a friend's car, had a nice stereo in it, he pulled it all out and left the live power wires back there, UNFUSED. He calls me up one day, telling me that every time he hits a bump there is an explosion in the back, I told him to pull the F*CK over (he was driving when he called me), I come out there, and there is an 8 gauge power wire, straight from the battery, shorting to the frame in the hatch area of his probe. Hmm, can anyone say electrical fire waiting to happen?
I guess I should have told him to put a sock over it and drive home. We all learned something here.

[Don 944 LA]

I was rollling on the floor with that one.
Was making notes to quote in a post but there were tooooo many .

There should be a test of the driver before on can buy a Pee-Car.

Those excluded : People from the filter basket of the gene pool.





Don
__________________
1984/85 944na
Gold exterior / Black interior
Los Angeles / San Diego
Lookin for ideas etc...

[scheistermeiste]

electrical fire waiting to hapen huh? well BEST BUY grounded my 1200 watt sound system INTO my gas tank... i found out three days later when i filled up with gas and was like WTF why does my car smell like gas?! lifted up the rear seat and there was a selftapping screw drilled through the body and into the tank and gas was litterally squirting out of it... oh i had fun with them. i patched the whole in the tank and got over $800 for their blunder and i got 2 retards fired.

[Pike]

He calls me up one day, telling me that every time he hits a bump there is an explosion in the back

ROFLOL! Our cars have enough electrical issues on thier own to deal with. They don't need stupid people. Some people should just use a cab or a bicyicle or something.

Why does my car smell like ozone? Oh well, I guess I should buy a new air freshener.

[Buddy]

"...and i got 2 retards fired."

So is that like having FIRE RETARDant?

Cracked myself up that time...

[FRANKYDOOM]

Dats not for real lol - great story - and what a jerk - why use socks when you get curtains fo cheap???? Great read

[AFJuvat]

I'll be posting pictures later today. At least of the lamp cord and the pile of socks...

AFJuvat

[SoCal Driver]

A good pair of socks is any two that don't have holes.

[TCMdocs944]

It has been said by psychologists that every criminal thinks he is right or justified for commiting the crime at the time.

I think the same can be said for the home mechanic......

So what I really would like to see is a list of this guys atrocities with his reasoning behind each one.....I think it would make for some really great reading..




......Maybe he is macrobiotic and thinks socks are more eco-friendly than rubber or plastic.

[ae1969]

ROFLLLLLLLL ................

What was the part number for the socks....... ?

[VINMAN]

Will SoCal now add "When was the last time you changed your socks?" to his signature line??