[Dueller]

Rapewta...

I understand what you're dealing with on many levels. Lost my father 2 years ago. Mother lost after 65 years of marriage. My father, too, was career military. Service in Korea and 2 tours in vietnam. Special forces/green beret, 3 purple hearts, 2 bronze stars for valor, silver star, oak leaf clusters ...he was real deal. Lied about his age and enlisted at 15...retired with 27 years of service at age 42.

I offer that not to brag but to let you know I'm not being cynical with my comments. Now my mother is burning some bucks as she has moved into assisted living. it's ok...they put away a nest egg to get them thru their retirement years.

What was your dad saving for all his life? Is he going thru retirement savings so fast it will be depleted in a matter of months? Realistically, perfectly acceptable to pay a family caregiver a reasonable market based remuneration. Once resources are depleted he will possibly become eligible for additional assistance. And is pension you refer to VA? I'm assuming not.

What is current state of your father's overall health? Both emotionally and physically? is he ambulatory? Is he dealing with dementia/alzheimers? Can he feed himself? Take care of personal hygiene, shaving, bathing, etc? If so look into elder day camp activities.

I know it doesn't need to be said but circumstances like his with decades of consistency and stability in a marriage generally result in rapid decline once a mate of decades passes. Sorry for what you're having to deal with.

oh yeah...puppies can be a lifesaver tho. My brother is a veterinarian and he has often placed older small dogs and cats who have lost their elderly owners with new owners at my mom's retirement center. Works wonders.

FWIW, I have practiced some elder law and have worked for Soc Sec Administration so I am familiar with bureaucracy you're dealing with.