My father's future

[Rapewta]

My Mom passed away four months ago and my Dad after being married 71 years
couldn't get out of bed. "Failure to Thrive". We took him to the hospital. He came home and then fell down. 92 yrs old.
Didn't hit his head but couldn't get out of bed the next day. Sore.
911. Thirty days in Pt/Ot and he comes home.

His wishes are like my moms... expire in my home. Like my Mom did with Hospice.

OK... here is the problem.

He is a V.A. WWII combat vet and the VA has done a lot Home Based Primary Care.
They won't pay for In-Home care. Four hours per week. That's it.

So I hired a In-Home company to care for my father from 6:30 am to 2:30 pm.
Eight hours.

$28.00 dollars per hour and the man or woman that has no CNA/HHA certificates
(their are good people) gets $12.00 per hour.

Frigin' legal abuse of the men that spent an entire life saving money /*/

[red-beard]

Originally Posted by Rapewta

So I hired a In-Home company to care for my father from 6:30 am to 2:30 pm.
Eight hours.

$28.00 dollars per hour and the man or woman that has no CNA/HHA certificates
(their are good people) gets $12.00 per hour.

Frigin' legal abuse of the men that spent an entire life saving money /*/

I can't tell where you are located. The business across from us in the Industrial park was a care giving type company. They charged about $20 and the workers would get $12. Unfortunately, there is a lot of overhead (insurance, taxes, etc.) and most of the time not a lot of profit.

Look around, there might be better options.

[Rapewta]

Anyway...
My solution is his granddaughter.
However, I want it to be legal and should I pay my daughter with checks from my Dad's savings or figure something else out.

In perspective... My Dad's income (SS and pension) is 3400.00 and his home health care is
$6800.00. You can see his is going through his life savings real quick.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Sorry man. I’m against most government social programs but I think our vets should get the perpetual VIP treatment. It’s a damn shame that they don’t.

[Rapewta]

onewhippedpuppy...
Damn... did I get your name right?. I am a Vietnam vet and have been thrown on the red carpet ever since I bailed on Kaiser and
signed up with the V.A. I didn't know. Four decades paying Kaiser and my Marine Corp buddy
said... "Damn... $450 a month when the V.A. will take care of you for free?

But back to the question... I got to get it were my Dad's income equals his overhead.

You know I will do it but what a pain is the ass.

[RKDinOKC]

Took care of my Mom moved her and all her stuff in with me. Making sure all the knicknacks paintings, furnture etc were hers to make if feel like her home. (that really helped).

Even able to work from home to be her 24/7 live-in care giver.

Did hire a maid to help clean every other week.

Got hospice, but all it was was a nurse to take her vitals once a day. A physical therapist 3 times a week, and a helper to give her baths etc 3 times a week. Everything else was on me.

Found an experienced lady to stay 24/7 with her for a week so I could take a vacation. Costed around $1200. Regretted it. Had a negative impact on her Alzheimer's.

Best thing I did was get her a puppy. Woke her up to where she was 5 years ago. Immediately started getting out of bed and cooking for herself (and the dog) and doing and remembering. The hospice people even noticed the big change.

[LakeCleElum]

Originally Posted by Rapewta

Anyway...
My solution is his granddaughter.
However, I want it to be legal and should I pay my daughter with checks from my Dad's savings or figure something else out.

In perspective... My Dad's income (SS and pension) is 3400.00 and his home health care is
$6800.00. You can see his is going through his life savings real quick.

Rap - I'm very sorry for your father and the situation. I just went thru this with my mothers Alzheimers; both as "Power of Attorney" for her finances and then executor after she passed.

So, it was a progression, but at one point: I have a sister that is a nurse that insisted mother come live with her. I paid her $3,000 a month out of my mothers accounts to my sister and then another $1,000 for a care giver to come in and relieve my sister. I had power of attorney and wrote the checks. Had my mother's money run out, we had the option to sell her house and/or a reverse mortgage.

My mother had paid on a nursing home insurance policy for 30 years. The paper was worthless, as the company had been sold many times and then went broke.

No comment on the Vet/WWII issue. It is what it is, regardless of what we all think...Best of luck......

[Rapewta]

You know...
I am going to figure this out and as of right now, I have halved this insane elderly abuse" company's like HomeInstead. It is legal and criminal.

My daughter halves the cost and the most money she has ever earned.
But she is a CNA/HHA that the other nice people taking care of my father don't have.



It is going to be just fine. I love my Dad.

[Jim Bremner]

I wish that l knew how to help.

[pwd72s]

I can sure understand his desire to die at home...damn tough situation. A friend of mine, retired USN CPO. After a bad injury, he spent his last months here.

https://www.oregon.gov/odva/Vets-Homes/Lebanon/Pages/default.aspx

If there is such a facility near you, I'd urge you to look into it. The rooms were spotless, care was 24-7, near hospital level.

I realize some places aren't so nice, but I really was impressed with this one. I was allowed to visit my friend whenever my schedule allowed. Good physical therapy if called for. The vets enjoyed each other's company.

[drcoastline]

Originally Posted by Rapewta

Anyway...
My solution is his granddaughter.
However, I want it to be legal and should I pay my daughter with checks from my Dad's savings or figure something else out.

In perspective... My Dad's income (SS and pension) is 3400.00 and his home health care is
$6800.00. You can see his is going through his life savings real quick.

Rapewta, help me out with this?. What do you mean you want it to be legal? What do you think would be illegal by your daughter taking care of him and getting paid from his savings and using one of his checks? Is this a is it legal question or an inheritance issue? Do you have siblings that would question paying your daughter from his savings?

[onewhippedpuppy]

Well, you could just call me Matt....

My grandmother had similar issues, after my grandfather died suddenly she went downhill quickly into alzheimers and dementia. My parents moved her in with them for about 6 months, but eventually she because too much for them to handle. She ultimately spent about 4 months in an specialty care nursing home until she mercifully passed. My wife's grandmother is in a similar spot now, alzheimers and dementia and in a home. They've had to move her because of neglect, and had to appeal to the state insurance commissioner's office to get her nursing home insurance to actually pay out. These conditions are the absolute worst, my best to you and your family to get through it.

[Mike80911]

My parents took a long term care insurance policy that provides for full coverage of home care costs. When my dad got sick and needed home care everything was covered and he had a RN taking care of him. Dad passed away and the policy had a clause that if one spouse passes the other no longer has to pay the insurance premium and will still be covered. Something to consider when I hear stories like this.
Find a health care expert in your area maybe they can help get all of this worked out.

[asphaltgambler]

We went through similar circumstances with my Dad. After a few of the 'care agency' folks - we were blessed to find a local woman with impeccable resume to work privately. While different zip code of care and compassion....it was also much cheaper

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by Rapewta

Anyway...
My solution is his granddaughter.
However, I want it to be legal and should I pay my daughter with checks from my Dad's savings or figure something else out.

Do you have power of attorney over his affairs? If not it needs to be his decision to hire your daughter. I would spend a few $$ to talk to an attorney about it.

[john70t]

FIL fell a few times in a similar way. Also a veteran.
He stayed at the facility with full care and the rehab works all covered by medicare.
But if he went out or left for a day, the coverage stopped then.

He probably needs you with a power of attorney; someone legally able to make decisions for him.

[Dueller]

Rapewta...

I understand what you're dealing with on many levels. Lost my father 2 years ago. Mother lost after 65 years of marriage. My father, too, was career military. Service in Korea and 2 tours in vietnam. Special forces/green beret, 3 purple hearts, 2 bronze stars for valor, silver star, oak leaf clusters ...he was real deal. Lied about his age and enlisted at 15...retired with 27 years of service at age 42.

I offer that not to brag but to let you know I'm not being cynical with my comments. Now my mother is burning some bucks as she has moved into assisted living. it's ok...they put away a nest egg to get them thru their retirement years.

What was your dad saving for all his life? Is he going thru retirement savings so fast it will be depleted in a matter of months? Realistically, perfectly acceptable to pay a family caregiver a reasonable market based remuneration. Once resources are depleted he will possibly become eligible for additional assistance. And is pension you refer to VA? I'm assuming not.

What is current state of your father's overall health? Both emotionally and physically? is he ambulatory? Is he dealing with dementia/alzheimers? Can he feed himself? Take care of personal hygiene, shaving, bathing, etc? If so look into elder day camp activities.

I know it doesn't need to be said but circumstances like his with decades of consistency and stability in a marriage generally result in rapid decline once a mate of decades passes. Sorry for what you're having to deal with.

oh yeah...puppies can be a lifesaver tho. My brother is a veterinarian and he has often placed older small dogs and cats who have lost their elderly owners with new owners at my mom's retirement center. Works wonders.

FWIW, I have practiced some elder law and have worked for Soc Sec Administration so I am familiar with bureaucracy you're dealing with.

[Noah930]

Originally Posted by drcoastline

Rapewta, help me out with this?. What do you mean you want it to be legal? What do you think would be illegal by your daughter taking care of him and getting paid from his savings and using one of his checks? Is this a is it legal question or an inheritance issue? Do you have siblings that would question paying your daughter from his savings?

I have the same questions. In some states, you can get paid (by the state) to be a caregiver. No certification/degree necessary. You can also be a caregiver for a family member or friend. So you can arrange to be your family member's caregiver,and get by the state to pay for it. Is that what the OP is suggesting? Or do you want to pay your daughter to care for your dad with your dad's money?

Sorry for what you're going through.