this was posted by a friend on a bulletin board i frequent, having lived in ohio for my current 35 years of life i found this to be entirely true in every respect
i edited the F words, don't think i missed any
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Dear Ohio,
Are you surprised that its snowing? Have you forgotten that every year from December through February, the state we choose to live in experiences wicked cold temperatures that turns everything that would regularly be rain into something we like to call "snow?"
Apparently, even though the majority of us have lived in this state for most, if not all, our lives, every year we turn into utter panicky cavemen and cavewomen (I haven't forgotten about you, ladies - I mean, how could I? You make sure you're the worst of the worst in the snow) who act like Jack Skellington in "A Nightmare Before Christmas" when he first experiences snow in Christmas Town - "What's this? What's THIS?!"
I left extra early from home this morning, for what is my usual 30 minute commute to work - not because of the weather, but because I wanted to be at work early. Well, that was all for naught once I hit the streets, because I had to deal with fxxxxxg morons. I could understand if my commute was extended for 10 minutes, but, sweet fxxxxxg Christ - would you people PLEASE learn how to drive in the snow? What we are experiencing today, according to meteorologists is "light snow," but you would think we were in fxxxxxg "The Day After Tomorrow" with the way some of you people drive. 40 miles an hour on the highway? What? WHY?! Did they replace the asphalt with ICEphalt overnight? If this is the way you jackasses drive in "light snow," I can't WAIT to see what you have planned once we get hit with a snowSTORM!! Whoa, nelly!!
What we're experiencing now is no worse than a moderate rainfall - sure, there may be an accident here and there, but that doesn't mean you have to drive so slow that you could actually travel back in time. Last winter, it snowed for the first time in decades in Albequerque, New Mexico. The city was in chaos because people hadn't had to deal with snowfall for most of their lives. They only have 2 snowplows, and they're housed at the airport, "just in case." Now, THIS chaotic mess I can understand - they live in the fxxxxxg DESERT. But, here, in Ohio, were it snows EVERY DAMN WINTER, we act like it's a natural disaster and take ridiculous precautions to ensure that we get from point A to point B in the longest time possible, while driving every NORMAL Ohio driver closer to the brink of homocide.
Here's something to be noted - If you've been driving around in this type of weather for more than 15 minutes, and your rear window is still cobered in snow, you're a fxxxxxg idiot. There's this radical new invention, and by "new" I mean we've had it for, ohhhhhh, my entire life - you push this button on your dashboard and it defrosts your rear window. Now, some of you may say, "Anté, what do you mean by 'defrost?'" Well, by "defrost" I mean "it melts the fxxxxxg snow on your rear window, *******!" And, if by some chance you don't HAVE this miracle of science, you can go to your local gas station, convenient store, Wal-Mart, pretty much ANYWHERE, and buy a god damn snowbrush for 99 cents!!! Better yet, if you DON'T have one, ask ME for one, because I own about 10. Why? Because I live in fxxxxxg OHIO!!!
I don't drink Bud Light beer. I don't like it. I think it sucks and that people are shepherded into thinking it's good (but that's a whole other bulletin altogether.) But, I garaunfxxxxxgtee I won't EVER drink it on account of the way their drivers maneuver their trucks in the snow. Note: If you're on the highway, and you're going to drive 35 miles an hour, get in the slow lane. There's a REASON they call it the "fast lane," and its not so you can "drive" your riduculously large truck 35 miles per hour in front of people who are actually trying to get somewhere before 2008. Ass.
In conclusion, the majority of you suck. You live in a state where it snows every year. EVERY year, man! It shouldn't be a surprise. By now, you should know what it's like to drive a vehicle in cold weather. You should have enough practice. Try Nevada - the most you have to deal with out there is sandstorms (but I'm sure that would cause a whole other slew of issues with your vehicular performance - not that I would care because it would be someone else's problem.)
Bottom line: Learn to fxxxxxg drive, Ohio. Thank you.