Wow.
How did Tom Cruise transform himself from struggling young actor to Scientology god? With help from the Church of Scientology's "SEC WHOLE TRACK" questionnaire, that's how. The internal church document was developed by Scientology founder and onetime science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard for use during "auditing" sessionsyou know, the ones designed to identify your trapped "thetans."
The "thetans," or alien ghosts, were implanted in Earth's volcanoes 75 million years ago by the evil intergalactic ruler Xenu, until the nasty buggers escaped and invaded the bodies of each and every one of us. New recruits like Katie Holmes, or "preclears," answer the questions while hooked up to an E-metera crude, polygraph-like contraptionas a Church-sanctioned auditor records the subject's responses for further expensive inquiry. Radar excerpted the best of the list's 343 questions. Here's a verbatim sampling.
Have you ever enslaved a population?
Have you ever debased a nation's currency?
Have you ever killed the wrong person?
Have you ever torn out someone's tongue?
Have you ever been a professional critic?
Have you ever wiped out a family?
Have you ever tried to give sanity a bad name?
Have you ever consistently practiced sex in some unnatural fashion?
Have you ever made a planet, or nation, radioactive?
Have you ever made love to a dead body?
Have you ever engaged in piracy?
Have you ever been a pimp?
Have you ever eaten a human body?
Have you ever disfigured a beautiful thing?
Have you ever exterminated a species?
Have you ever been a professional executioner?
Have you given robots a bad name?
Have you ever set a booby trap?
Have you ever failed to rescue your leader?
Have you driven anyone insane?
Have you ever killed the wrong person?
Is anybody looking for you?
Have you ever set a poor example?
Did you come to Earth for evil purposes?
Are you in hiding?
Have you systematically set up mysteries?
Have you ever made a practice of confusing people?
Have you ever philosophized when you should have acted instead?
Have you ever gone crazy?
Have you ever sought to persuade someone of your insanity?
Have you ever deserted, or betrayed, a great leader?
Have you ever smothered a baby?
Do you deserve to have any friends?
Have you ever castrated anyone?
Do you deserve to be enslaved?
Is there any question on this list I had better not ask you again?
Have you ever tried to make the physical universe less real?
Have you ever zapped anyone?
Have you ever had a body with a venereal disease? If so, did you spread it?