Scientology Rocks!

[gassy]

Wow.

How did Tom Cruise transform himself from struggling young actor to Scientology god? With help from the Church of Scientology's "SEC WHOLE TRACK" questionnaire, that's how. The internal church document was developed by Scientology founder and onetime science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard for use during "auditing" sessions—you know, the ones designed to identify your trapped "thetans."
The "thetans," or alien ghosts, were implanted in Earth's volcanoes 75 million years ago by the evil intergalactic ruler Xenu, until the nasty buggers escaped and invaded the bodies of each and every one of us. New recruits like Katie Holmes, or "preclears," answer the questions while hooked up to an E-meter—a crude, polygraph-like contraption—as a Church-sanctioned auditor records the subject's responses for further expensive inquiry. Radar excerpted the best of the list's 343 questions. Here's a verbatim sampling.

• Have you ever enslaved a population?

• Have you ever debased a nation's currency?

• Have you ever killed the wrong person?

• Have you ever torn out someone's tongue?

• Have you ever been a professional critic?

• Have you ever wiped out a family?

• Have you ever tried to give sanity a bad name?

• Have you ever consistently practiced sex in some unnatural fashion?

• Have you ever made a planet, or nation, radioactive?

• Have you ever made love to a dead body?

• Have you ever engaged in piracy?

• Have you ever been a pimp?

• Have you ever eaten a human body?

• Have you ever disfigured a beautiful thing?

• Have you ever exterminated a species?

• Have you ever been a professional executioner?

• Have you given robots a bad name?

• Have you ever set a booby trap?

• Have you ever failed to rescue your leader?

• Have you driven anyone insane?

• Have you ever killed the wrong person?

• Is anybody looking for you?

• Have you ever set a poor example?

• Did you come to Earth for evil purposes?

• Are you in hiding?

• Have you systematically set up mysteries?

• Have you ever made a practice of confusing people?

• Have you ever philosophized when you should have acted instead?

• Have you ever gone crazy?

• Have you ever sought to persuade someone of your insanity?

• Have you ever deserted, or betrayed, a great leader?

• Have you ever smothered a baby?

• Do you deserve to have any friends?

• Have you ever castrated anyone?

• Do you deserve to be enslaved?

• Is there any question on this list I had better not ask you again?

• Have you ever tried to make the physical universe less real?

• Have you ever zapped anyone?

• Have you ever had a body with a venereal disease? If so, did you spread it?

[Rot 911]

Amazingly enough I was able to answer yes to all the questions.

[Jeff Higgins]

Are they talking about just today?

[rouxroux]

Today's Thetans: Doing more before lunch than most do their entire lives!

[onewhippedpuppy]

I, for one, embrace my inner thetan.

[the]

I like this one:


• Have you ever consistently practiced sex in some unnatural fashion?

Sweet, only on weekends and/or while drunk don't count!

[rammstein]

I say yes to the following:


• Have you ever engaged in piracy?

• Have you ever been a pimp?

• Have you given robots a bad name?

• Have you systematically set up mysteries?

• Have you ever made a practice of confusing people?

• Have you ever philosophized when you should have acted instead?

• Have you ever gone crazy?

• Have you ever zapped anyone?

[Moses]

Is Tabs a Thetan? Seriously...

[livi]

I always thought Tom did a pretty good job on the screen, even though he has never been any of my favorites. At least he seemed like a down to earth regular guy. When I first read about this I just couldn΄t grasp how he (or anyone) could believe in that crap of nonsense. Has he gone completely mental or is he making a lot of money on it? Not that he need it, but..

[RoninLB]

do they have a spiritual god ?


they should turn their ideas into a fruit juice.

[MikeSid]

Originally Posted by RoninLB

do they have a spiritual god ?


they should turn their ideas into a fruit juice.

You mean like Jim Jones did?

[imcarthur]

Originally Posted by RoninLB

do they have a spiritual god ?

Hubbard's dead. Does that count?

[Komenda Fan]

I don't see the difference between this and any other religion. Ok, I'm going back to my gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

[Sapporo Guy]

errr, Hubbard's body is missing Or at least that is the story.

We does everybody pick on Tom Cruise?!?
I thought John Travolta was also a member of the church?

Why is Tom so jazzed about the church? hehe -- E-meter -- I bet they found some good dirt on the guy!

[ZOA NOM]

It's gotta be about the money. There's gotta be some kind of financial gain to this mumbo-jumbo.

[Sapporo Guy]

errr, that was why Scientology was created.

I did read somewhere that Hubbard said it himself.

To make money -- create a religion!

[MT930]

Hey if there's steady paycheck in it Ill believe in anything you tell me.

[Whtnkls911]

Originally Posted by ZOANAS

It's gotta be about the money. There's gotta be some kind of financial gain to this mumbo-jumbo.

Apparently to get to each successive "level" within the church, you buy your way up!

Why didn't I think of this...

[pwd72s]

This is all a joke, right? PLEASE tell me it's a joke...

[ZOA NOM]

It would be interesting to see the tax returns of Tom, Katy, John, and the other high-dollar celebs who have turned their lives over to Mr. Hubbard's teachings.