[pwd72s]

This came in today from my friend since childhood. Although he no longer flies fighter planes, it seems he'll always be a fighter pilot:

FIGHTER PILOTS

Background

A fighter pilot is one of those elite men who has been selected to fly sleek,
Sexy, supersonic aircraft in dazzling aerial combat, as well as put on cool
Airshows and pose for photographs. Only the best pilots in the world get to
Be fighter pilots. The rest fly slow, heavy, ugly aircraft used to haul rubber
Dog **** out of Hong Kong, or worse, Detroit.


Typically, fighter pilots wear elaborate uniforms which they claim are
Specially designed to be fireproof to protect them in case of an
Emergency. In actuality, however, the uniforms are made of a special type
Of cloth which repels beer stains. Note: You can tell the really "**** hot"
Fighter pilots by the zipper on the beer repelling uniform. The lower it is,
The more skilled the aviator. These "flight suits" also allow a fighter pilot to
Be able to get dressed and undressed in under ten seconds flat, and also
Perform various skills such as "ball-walking," a maneuver that might
Otherwise be impossible or painful in normal attire

Fighter pilots have been a part of every major conflict since that day,
Making notable appearances in World Wars 1, 2, and 4. After the Vietnam
War (actually it was after WWII, but why quibble over details?), the United
States Air Force was created in 1947, and consists entirely of fighter
Pilots. In 1948, Chuck Yeager, the first American fighter pilot, became the
First man to fly faster than the speed of light.

Facts about Fighter Pilots

Fighter pilots are absolutely irresistible to women, who will drop their
Panties if a fighter pilot so much as enters the room.

Fighter pilots are highly skilled and take pride in their ability to consume
Massive quantities of alcohol, and can speak in complete sentences
Consisting entirely of swear words.

All fighter pilots are men.

How do you tell if a fighter pilot is in the room? Just wait a minute .... He'll
Tell you!

Fighter pilots always wear large dark sunglasses.

Fighter pilots drive the fastest, most flashy car money can buy, and they
Always have the speedometer on the peg.

The secret ingredient in Red Bull is sweat from a fighter pilots ass crack,
Which explains the drinks peculiar taste, and its ability to "give you wings"

Fighter pilots wear a bigger watch than you. It's an easier target for when
They shoot it with their hands.

Fighter pilots do not high-five.
Fighter pilots do not carry briefcases.
Most fighter pilots chase women with cute asses. F-15 fighter pilots chase
Women with cute purses.

Fighter pilots subsist on a diet consisting entirely of coffee, cigarettes,
Chewing tobacco, beer, and whiskey.

Fighter pilots are better and cooler than you.

Fighter pilots each have their own "Verizon network" consisting entirely of
Bikini clad beer girls with loose morals. Can you beer me now? Good.

Fighter pilots usually are given testosterone-ridden call signs like
"Jockstrap" or "Whiplash." However, those who try to name themselves
Are invariably given the call sign "Man*****."

Fighter pilots are a dying breed: The last fighter pilot has been born. In 20
Years, all fighters will be unmanned. The world will be a sadder place for it
You will NEVER be a fighter pilot.

Fighter pilots can fly ANYTHING, better than anyone else. They could
even fly heavy transport aircraft, but they would certainly never want to,
nor do they NEED to.

Fighter pilots are often seen as exceedingly arrogant and full of
themselves. However, they have earned it, so do not scoff, remember that
YOU will never get to fly that fighter jet!

If you wish to take down a fighter pilot, don't even think about it when he's
anywhere within a hundred kilometers of his flying metal monster. Wait till
he's on the ground and you have a M1 Abrams at your disposal. Unless
he's flying an A-10, in which case you're ****ed.

They don't give a **** if the pattern is full. They WILL buzz the tower
whenever they damn well please.

The Thunderbirds and Blue Angels are NOT fighter pilots. They are Movie
Stars. They are usually re-admitted to the role of the fighter pilot when
they move on to their next assignments.

Fighter pilots have a secret hand gesture and handshake. They will never
tell you what they are, and you will never see them do them in public
(unless you are a hot, slighty drunk, 25-year old nymphomaniac stripper
attending the O-Club on a Friday night.)