Fighter Pilots

[pwd72s]

This came in today from my friend since childhood. Although he no longer flies fighter planes, it seems he'll always be a fighter pilot:

FIGHTER PILOTS

Background

A fighter pilot is one of those elite men who has been selected to fly sleek,
Sexy, supersonic aircraft in dazzling aerial combat, as well as put on cool
Airshows and pose for photographs. Only the best pilots in the world get to
Be fighter pilots. The rest fly slow, heavy, ugly aircraft used to haul rubber
Dog **** out of Hong Kong, or worse, Detroit.


Typically, fighter pilots wear elaborate uniforms which they claim are
Specially designed to be fireproof to protect them in case of an
Emergency. In actuality, however, the uniforms are made of a special type
Of cloth which repels beer stains. Note: You can tell the really "**** hot"
Fighter pilots by the zipper on the beer repelling uniform. The lower it is,
The more skilled the aviator. These "flight suits" also allow a fighter pilot to
Be able to get dressed and undressed in under ten seconds flat, and also
Perform various skills such as "ball-walking," a maneuver that might
Otherwise be impossible or painful in normal attire

Fighter pilots have been a part of every major conflict since that day,
Making notable appearances in World Wars 1, 2, and 4. After the Vietnam
War (actually it was after WWII, but why quibble over details?), the United
States Air Force was created in 1947, and consists entirely of fighter
Pilots. In 1948, Chuck Yeager, the first American fighter pilot, became the
First man to fly faster than the speed of light.

Facts about Fighter Pilots

Fighter pilots are absolutely irresistible to women, who will drop their
Panties if a fighter pilot so much as enters the room.

Fighter pilots are highly skilled and take pride in their ability to consume
Massive quantities of alcohol, and can speak in complete sentences
Consisting entirely of swear words.

All fighter pilots are men.

How do you tell if a fighter pilot is in the room? Just wait a minute .... He'll
Tell you!

Fighter pilots always wear large dark sunglasses.

Fighter pilots drive the fastest, most flashy car money can buy, and they
Always have the speedometer on the peg.

The secret ingredient in Red Bull is sweat from a fighter pilots ass crack,
Which explains the drinks peculiar taste, and its ability to "give you wings"

Fighter pilots wear a bigger watch than you. It's an easier target for when
They shoot it with their hands.

Fighter pilots do not high-five.
Fighter pilots do not carry briefcases.
Most fighter pilots chase women with cute asses. F-15 fighter pilots chase
Women with cute purses.

Fighter pilots subsist on a diet consisting entirely of coffee, cigarettes,
Chewing tobacco, beer, and whiskey.

Fighter pilots are better and cooler than you.

Fighter pilots each have their own "Verizon network" consisting entirely of
Bikini clad beer girls with loose morals. Can you beer me now? Good.

Fighter pilots usually are given testosterone-ridden call signs like
"Jockstrap" or "Whiplash." However, those who try to name themselves
Are invariably given the call sign "Man*****."

Fighter pilots are a dying breed: The last fighter pilot has been born. In 20
Years, all fighters will be unmanned. The world will be a sadder place for it
You will NEVER be a fighter pilot.

Fighter pilots can fly ANYTHING, better than anyone else. They could
even fly heavy transport aircraft, but they would certainly never want to,
nor do they NEED to.

Fighter pilots are often seen as exceedingly arrogant and full of
themselves. However, they have earned it, so do not scoff, remember that
YOU will never get to fly that fighter jet!

If you wish to take down a fighter pilot, don't even think about it when he's
anywhere within a hundred kilometers of his flying metal monster. Wait till
he's on the ground and you have a M1 Abrams at your disposal. Unless
he's flying an A-10, in which case you're ****ed.

They don't give a **** if the pattern is full. They WILL buzz the tower
whenever they damn well please.

The Thunderbirds and Blue Angels are NOT fighter pilots. They are Movie
Stars. They are usually re-admitted to the role of the fighter pilot when
they move on to their next assignments.

Fighter pilots have a secret hand gesture and handshake. They will never
tell you what they are, and you will never see them do them in public
(unless you are a hot, slighty drunk, 25-year old nymphomaniac stripper
attending the O-Club on a Friday night.)

[svandamme]

funny stuff, but now there has to be a rebuttal out there somewhere, where the Navy flyboys take the above thing, and then double up on everything in it...

[Joeaksa]

Originally Posted by pwd72s

This came in today from my friend since childhood. Although he no longer flies fighter planes, it seems he'll always be a fighter pilot:

FIGHTER PILOTS

Fighter pilots drive the fastest, most flashy car money can buy, and they
Always have the speedometer on the peg.

Fighter pilots are a dying breed: The last fighter pilot has been born. In 20
Years, all fighters will be unmanned. The world will be a sadder place for it
You will NEVER be a fighter pilot.

Ya mean like a 911 Porsche?

Sad but the statement is prolly true. Unmanned aircraft can take all the G-forces that the bird will take. Humans are pretty much limited to around 9 for a bit then bad things happen. Plus you shoot down a bird with a pilot, not good. Shoot down a drone and we just send another to take its place.

No comment on the rest, we know who we are and what we can do.

[fingpilot]

Most Naval Aviators have never heard that ditty before. No need for advertising. It's an AirForce thing. Probably would be prosecuted as false advertising in this modern day world.

Went into a BachelorOfficers'Quarters while I was ashore once, was at a NavalAirStation.

Was the usual 3 urinals in the restroom. Two of them mounted up high, one of them down low.

Signs over each. The low one was labelled 'For Naval Aviators Only, warning, the water is very cold'.

The other two were labelled for 'Air Force and Army Use Only' and a warning that the water temp would not be an issue.

A sign on the door leading out said that the Marine Corp tree was just to the left of the Quarters' entrance.

[fingpilot]

Another quickie.

Same deal, had just flown ashore from deck, NAS Alameda. Was in Mens' room with wing, talking in detail about morning's fun airbourne. Cleared the guns, cleaned up, no external stores, one quick air fueling at FL250 (25000') and a downhill run to shore. In a F4N. We both just shy of M2 offshore. One of those days you'll never forget.


Loudly expelled gas from one of the (previously silent) stalls behind us. We look at each other and almost giggle. Out comes a Grunting Light Bird in season (Marine Lieutenant Colonel in full Dress Drab). He saunters over to the washbasin and chuckles. We finish and head for the door. He asks loudly what the most dangerous thing in the room was..... before we can answer, he says.. 'A Marine in an A4. One engine, one generator, one gun.'

And then the punch line. As he is finishing at the washbasin, he looks at us again and asks

'Didn't your mama ever teach you about washing your hands after peeing?

Could not believe what my wingman replied to a superior officer. Sir, My Mamma taught me to not pee on my fingers!'

He smiled, and we all snapped off a nod and a salute.

[Joeaksa]

Originally Posted by fingpilot

Was the usual 3 urinals in the restroom. Two of them mounted up high, one of them down low.

Signs over each. The low one was labelled 'For Naval Aviators Only, warning, the water is very cold'.

The other two were labelled for 'Air Force and Army Use Only' and a warning that the water temp would not be an issue.

Which urinal had the "Hanoi Jane traitor" sticker to pee on? For years you could not go to ANY BOQ that did not have stickers in the potty of the traitor.