[fanaudical]

...involves me working professionally as a gift wrapper in a crowded mall on Christmas Eve. I'd be stuck out on a very small card table in the middle of the transit aisle. No chair and the table top is 28 inches off the floor. Christmas muzak piped in at 86 dB all the time. Constantly surrounded by bitter old ladies with their yappy dogs who want odd-shaped presents and stuffed animals wrapped. I'm supplied with glitter paper, low-tensile-strength ribbon, low-tack tape (unless it's on your fingers), and dull scissors with a chip in one blade. I'm supervised by three constantly-shedding Siamese cats (all with bowel and bladder issues) who are constantly hungry. I get no breaks or time off.

Almost forgot - "quality control" is supplied by my wife.

Bah humbug!