[aigel]

You can't put your foot down in a straightforward manner for two reasons:

- Your wife is not on board.
- Your FIL is "generous". I read this as "helps with down payment on home" or "helps with kids college savings". This is something you of course would like to continue to benefit from and it is understandable. If generous is less than the above, (i.e. he picks up the tab at dinner and buys you nice socks at x-mas), then don't consider it a factor.

Here is the solution for you:

You will start taking vacations with your family away from home at x-mas and in summer. Go skiing, abroad, Hawaii, Asia etc. where the inlaws can't show up easily. You tell your wife you want to spend more time in your vacations with the immediate family unit (which is true!). You will explain that your kids are older now where they get more out of this travel and staying home is boring.

This solution is a passive way of avoiding a situation that you cannot control and you won't alienate your FIL or your wife.

That's my two cents.

G