[flatbutt]

I just must get this off of my chest. There are those of you who have been or are in this situation so I know you'll understand. Dad passed away 12 years ago and Mom has been in decline ever since. Three years ago my brothers and I had to place Mom into assisted living. We just cannot provide all of the support she needs. I used to visit several times a week but this year I cut down to just Sundays because frankly the visits are tearing me up inside.

She used to enjoy my visits and she'd be happy. But as her lucidity faded so did the happy visit. It isn't Alzheimers but rather severe dementia. She cant retain much in terms of memory. So our visit is a repeating loop of "how are you?" and "what have you been doing?".

But now it's "where do I live?" "why did you put me here?" "where is my husband?". It's killing me. Today I had lunch with her and when we finished and I told her it was time for me to go she thought she was coming with me. I could see her sadness growing but there was nothing I could do. I called the aide to help me. She distracted Mom while I slipped out knowing she'd forget I had been there.

Man the guilt is torture. My brothers are too far away to help and I live alone so it's all on me. I just don't know how to handle this. I don't expect that there is an answer other than this is what is best for her. I just needed to get this out.

Thanks for listening.