Do we let him commit suicide with sugar?

[juan ruiz]

I'm dealing with a similar situation , I'm the only child and my Mom has no-one else, six years ago I moved her with me, she has Vertical Dementia, basically the gears on the head are old, she will forget stuff from seconds ago, let along hours or days, it is very stressful to deal with a person like that day in and day out.

I had the issue with coffee, she could drink 10 cups if you let her because on her "Mind" that was only number two cup, I ended replacing the coffee for "Ensure" that has the same color, taste, I simply warm that up and I have been able to control that issue.

Dealing and trying to think that they will understand will not happen. Is up to us to make one more push and care for them at all causes.

I am terrifying when she is gone that I will have to deal with guilt because I dint do enough, that's my drive, everyday.

Hang in there and stay on course.

[asphaltgambler]

For love my brother, to honor your father in this time

[unclebilly]

Guys - thank you for your thoughts and words.

He seemed pretty good this evening apart from trying to order a Strongbow Cider when I went o the bathroom. I had supper with him and my brother and then my brother took him to the mall. Dave turned his back for a minute to take a call from work and dad got a strong coffee and coffee cake at Starbucks…

We have a mess here. He seems to think he can just keep driving and it will be easy to get his drivers license back.

[dewolf]

Tough gig dealing with dementia. How old is your dad?

[Bill Douglas]

Billy, he's lucky he has you and your brother to look after him. You're good guys.

[pwd72s]

Originally Posted by juan ruiz

I'm dealing with a similar situation , I'm the only child and my Mom has no-one else, six years ago I moved her with me, she has Vertical Dementia, basically the gears on the head are old, she will forget stuff from seconds ago, let along hours or days, it is very stressful to deal with a person like that day in and day out.

I had the issue with coffee, she could drink 10 cups if you let her because on her "Mind" that was only number two cup, I ended replacing the coffee for "Ensure" that has the same color, taste, I simply warm that up and I have been able to control that issue.

Dealing and trying to think that they will understand will not happen. Is up to us to make one more push and care for them at all causes.

I am terrifying when she is gone that I will have to deal with guilt because I dint do enough, that's my drive, everyday.

Hang in there and stay on course.

Juan, you're a good man.

[juan ruiz]

Originally Posted by pwd72s

Juan, you're a good man.

Thank you really appreciate that.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by pwd72s

Juan, you're a good man.

I disagree: Great man.

[KFC911]

I'm often humbled by these threads .... and the folks who post here....

Best to you all... and hang in there!

[vash]

Originally Posted by juan ruiz

I'm dealing with a similar situation , I'm the only child and my Mom has no-one else, six years ago I moved her with me, she has Vertical Dementia, basically the gears on the head are old, she will forget stuff from seconds ago, let along hours or days, it is very stressful to deal with a person like that day in and day out.

I had the issue with coffee, she could drink 10 cups if you let her because on her "Mind" that was only number two cup, I ended replacing the coffee for "Ensure" that has the same color, taste, I simply warm that up and I have been able to control that issue.

Dealing and trying to think that they will understand will not happen. Is up to us to make one more push and care for them at all causes.

I am terrifying when she is gone that I will have to deal with guilt because I dint do enough, that's my drive, everyday.

Hang in there and stay on course.

this is heavy. just wanted to chime in to tell you Guilt is no good. my mom raised me on guilt and it really defines who i am today. i fight it everyday. just do what is right and dont give Guilt the credit. youre doing what's right becaue of you.

[blucille]

I know there are plenty of PPOT readers with some knowledge of diabetes. Here in the US we typically talk about MG/DL.

when your dad says 14-20 MMOL/L is normal, in MG/DL that's 250-360. nothing close to normal. I'm sure this is no surprise to you. I was just hoping to point out to the rest of the community what type of numbers we are talking about. Sorry for this situation, unclebilly, it's not easy.

[svandamme]

Originally Posted by vash

this is heavy. Just wanted to chime in to tell you guilt is no good. My mom raised me on guilt and it really defines who i am today. I fight it everyday. Just do what is right and dont give guilt the credit. Youre doing what's right becaue of you.

+1

[Bob Kontak]

Originally Posted by blucille

Here in the US we typically talk about MG/DL.

when your dad says 14-20 MMOL/L is normal, in MG/DL that's 250-360. nothing close to normal.

Thanks for that.

[Tobra]

Yeah Vash. You do the best you can.

Never forget though, you have to take care of yourself, or you are no good to anyone.

Originally Posted by Noah930

What happens when you confront him on the long term dangers of poor diabetic compliance? He just brushes off your concern?

Diabetes is a problem because you feel fine, until you're not. That's why your dad (and many other diabetics) ignore their condition until permanent damage has been done. You usually don't die of diabetes, but rather a complication of it. One problem is that your body is now a lot older physiologically than it is chronologically. So you're 60 going on 80, or 80 going on 95. So it's much harder to bounce back from things. And it's mot just death itself, but the unpleasant manner in which people struggle towards their ends. I think of those diabetic amputations; first a toe, then half a foot, and then at the knee. It's a lot of suffering.

Ask him if he wants to see his grandkids, or if there's something else he wants to do longish term. Give him a reason to take his health more seriously.

All of this. I use this tactic regularly and it is effective, find out what is important to him

Failing that, you could take him to a dialysis center and show him what his future looks like. He is probably running around 11 or 12 on his hemoglobin A1C, not too good, you want like half what he is running.

[vash]

Originally Posted by Tobra

Yeah Vash. You do the best you can.

Never forget though, you have to take care of yourself, or you are no good to anyone.


All of this. I use this tactic regularly and it is effective, find out what is important to him

Failing that, you could take him to a dialysis center and show him what his future looks like. He is probably running around 11 or 12 on his hemoglobin A1C, not too good, you want like half what he is running.

gah. just heard yesterday from a friend/aquaintance. he is my age and about to start dialysis. it's gonna get me off my ass. starting a daily hill climb hike. starting today.

dialysis is not forever from what i understand. faack. worst than losing a foot!!

[unclebilly]

Originally Posted by Tobra

Yeah Vash. You do the best you can.

Never forget though, you have to take care of yourself, or you are no good to anyone.


All of this. I use this tactic regularly and it is effective, find out what is important to him

Failing that, you could take him to a dialysis center and show him what his future looks like. He is probably running around 11 or 12 on his hemoglobin A1C, not too good, you want like half what he is running.

Thanks Tobra.

We had an appt with a Dr that has agreed to take him on as a patient. This guy is a geriatric specialist and in his words, has 100 other patients just like my dad. My brother took him for the blood and urine tests yesterday and I’m going to get him Alberta health coverage today. After this, the next step will be getting the cognitive assessment (not just the mini-cog that dad’s current Dr did).

Things are happening and we are not going to let him go back to what he was doing without a fight from us boys.

[pwd72s]

^^ Good

[asphaltgambler]

Big thumbs up to you man!!

[gacook]

I have a hard time commenting on threads like this because I simply have no reference point for the child/parent dynamic many of you do.

Unclebilly, I feel for you, but am of the opinion that you let a grown man do what he wants at a certain point in life--no matter how much it hurts to see.

To my first comment...I hope my kids view me the way you guys view your parents.

[pwd72s]

Originally Posted by gacook

I have a hard time commenting on threads like this because I simply have no reference point for the child/parent dynamic many of you do.

Unclebilly, I feel for you, but am of the opinion that you let a grown man do what he wants at a certain point in life--no matter how much it hurts to see.

To my first comment...I hope my kids view me the way you guys view your parents.

I agree with letting the grown man do as he wishes. But with the caveat of mental capability. Cindy's Uncle was dying, the big C...he knew it, everybody knew it. He still mentally capable, but both his daughter and son wanted him in a care facility near them.
Put him in a room with no windows, but quality care. Most of the family agreed with them.

This guy had fought in WWII, 1st Cav..Guadalcanal and other garden spots of the Pacific. Came home from that, ran a successful Insurance agency. Turned the agency over to his son. In his early 80's when the cancer returned. Always enjoyed his scotch and other pleasures...his wife had passed some years before.

I had a short chat with his son outside the Hospital...told him how much we owed this generation, and that I thought a guy should be allowed to check out however he pleased.

I'm sure I wasn't the only influence, but I like to think I had some. Later that day, after some more family discussion, the son said; "Okay dad, what kind of scotch do you like? We're going to stock your coast cabin's bar and find somebody to be with you."

Cindy's Uncle died in a room overlooking the Pacific...checking out the way he wanted.

Hope when my time comes, I'm as lucky...