Serious question. How did you survive menopause with your marriage intact?
 

My wife is going through menopause and it’s taking its toll.

My son and I are the target of her mood swings and I can’t take much more, especially given my recent heart troubles..

There are NO resources for men in this situation.

How did you guys get through this?

Alcohol and patience . Good luck

https://cheechandchong.com/cheechchongs-cruise-chews/

Those^ and an air conditioned garage for the great escape.

I'm finding out that even after she isn't right and will never be the same. I'm probably going to bail.

lot of time in the garage.

and she's unable to get truly enraged at the pets. so i use them as shields.

Perhaps I was just lucky, but I have a fairly even temperament. My wife knew what she was going through so she tried to keep an lid on the worst of behaviors. If that didn't work, I knew what was happening and didn't take it personally. We made it.
It was suggested to her by a doctor that she might want to try HRT . She knew that would only postpone the symptoms and soldiered on through.

Best of luck.
Les

I am in the thick of this as well... Good times.

Probably won't help, but remember why it is called menopause.










"Mad Cow Disease " was already taken.




Hug her and tell her you still love her.
Best
Les

I just read the other day that 60% of divorces happen during the menopause years.

If anything that seems like an underestimation.

It can be challenging for both spouses, for sure. If the foundation has cracks, it can be toppling.

It does pass, but it’s a multi year long thing.

I divorced during the 'witching time'. Remarried to someone post menopause ten years later.

You may want to find your own solution.

We still can't agree on a reasonable temperature for the cars HVAC system.

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My Wife would get hot flashes like no tomorrow. I could see her chest getting flush and moving up to her face. She wouldn't get mood swings though.

We both like things calm, cool and collected. 45 years and never an argument. Disagreements yes, but they get worked out immediately (I just do what she suggests!).

Seriously though, they do subside. She would take Black Cohosh and drink Soy Milk. Maybe it was a placebo. Who knows, but we got through it.

Of course being Norwegian and used to cold you would think I could take it, but she's German and I swear you could hang meat in our house the way she sets the thermostat.

I got divorced at 37 so with a bit of luck I wont have this problem. :p

(EDIT: I've got a beautiful GF but she's ten years younger than me and she doesn't live with me!)

Someone - here - wrote no matter what they’ll all go crazy one day.
Wise words.

fify

Patience…
You have to realize that they are at the mercy of hormonal imbalances. When things get heated, take a deep breath, walk away, give some space for the cool down and then TALK about it.

Do not ignore the raging elephant in the room as that does no good either. On top of my wife’s menopause (we called them warming trends) her Hashimotos kicked in. We knew she had a marker and kept an eye on it previously. With that proper diagnosis, we’re well in the way to managing it.

We found a great PA that can prescribe, bonus that she’s a nutritionist. Diet is just as important and we adjusted that as well. I say ‘we’ because I’m taking the journey with her so, doing my part to support her dietary changes. Proper hormone balancing helps immensely but, it’s trial an error. Pills, too much, patch was good but, started out to low a dose.. we seem to have found a sweet spot now.

Her previous gyno was worthless when it came to this phase in my wife’s life (ironic being the doc is female).

In the big scheme it’s an 8 sec. Bull Ride. Just have to hold on and hope you don’t get gored.

I learned to start out everyday with… “I’m sorry dear”
Usually covered me for most of the day. My wife is Irish so it got worse if she had a cocktail.

Excellent post.

How many years does this usually last? I'm asking for a friend.

Have her check around for hormone replacements. They can be used to take the edge off and they still transition.

But every person is different.

All of them.

Remember she can't control it and probably hates herself for it.

Patience Sir and keep in mind what brought you together in the first place. It will get better...

No. We didn't survive it.

Menopause was the undoing of what had been a 33 year romance. Last 5 of which were spent trying to find as many tactful ways as possible to let her know we were not happy, not everything was my fault, the migraines won't just go away on their own, the world isn't out to get her, yes the boys and I still love you, encouraging words are not a challenge or implication that you're doing something wrong.

She had tried HRT, mainly because I scheduled the appointment with the womens health practitioner. I honestly think the biggest factor to the demise was her insistence that she could manage her own dosage and would adjust what she took along with her other prescription meds.

End of the day, she was nowhere near the woman I had known and loved for nearly 3 decades. People change, it may not be their fault but willingly causing havoc and creating collateral damage, isn't excusable.

I left. I don't regret it, the boys and I were not living any kind of life walking into combat every day. No way to live. You only go around once.

Timely.
Today was ****ing awful.

I think it took Ms.Rocket 10 years. At least it seem like that.

Isn't this the answer to the thread, "Why don't women run the world?"

Get her a racing cool shirt, it’s the heat that drives them crazy. We got through it, GL

My spouse started taking a One-a-Day vitamin designed for menopausal women after a few weeks of problems and she was back to normal almost immediately (maybe better as the monthly issue was also gone). I am not sure what is in it, but it seemed to work wonders (like Midol does when younger) ...even seems to help even out hot flashes a bit. Available over the counter where you buy vitamins. She has continued to take the One-a-days designed for her age ever since.

Oh my...that's great! Drum roll, please.

The Ex and myself went through extended 5-7yrs or so.
(2 years my butt. Those liars.)
Imagine waking up, on fire, a half dozen times a night.
Your junk dried up. Your oversexed mate wants to do it all the time. He doesn't understand. Then there is work. First an hour to look good for the world



It's best to stay clear, sleep in a different room, and practice saying "I'm so sorry. How can I help make this better. What can I do?"

I’m sure it’s different for everyone.

Ever had a bad day for no reason? Just wake up angry ot grumpy and don’t know why? Imagine that for weeks on end for several years…. Hormones control mood. How would you want it handled? How would she? Try that.

A shovel.

The first time? Divorce. Although there were other things amiss with the former Mrs. Beard.

The second time? Practice...And a bicycle/drinking hobby...

It could be worse!

My business partner has a wife in Menopause and TWO teenage daughters in the throws of adolescence hormones. He is a "feminist" male, and over beers he had to admit that there really is something to the hormone stuff!

Nope. Soy is similar enough to Estrogen that it helps

HRT helped with the former Mrs. Beard. It did not help her drinking, self esteem issues or general underlying paranoia.

In one of the bad moments, I was accused of putting women's underwear in her dresser, that were not hers. Which was really weird, since there were a whole bunch that looked just like those, just different colors ,right next to each other...

Do not recommend...

seems to me that you should invest some of the 20-30 years with someone to figure out how to manage when people have bad days, to not damage the relationship.

reading this, it feels a lot like dealing with a depressed partner. its not their fault, its literally brain chemistry. and a relationship needs to work together to build patterns that allow the moods and emotions to happen without it being destructive to the relationship.

if not, it will be destructive to that relationship.

Never a real issue here. Mrs Carrera is pretty level headed, and there were no major changes. She did have a great gynecologist that had some medications that helped the initial phase.

I did sped a lot of time in my garage doing most of the needed projects in Wayne's 101 projects and many more to my 85 911. The complete suspension refurbish was a lot of work, but the total AC upgrade was an even longer process.

I married late in life, and it took me all those years to find Mrs. Carrera and the perfect wife.

My Wife being German is a huge proponent of natural healing. They are very opposed to most prescription medicines and will seek herbal treatments first.

That being said, she is a big fan of Dr. Andrew Weil and follows his advice religiously. Some reading material:

https://www.drweil.com/health-wellness/health-centers/women/menopause-symptoms-and-treatments/

https://www.drweil.com/health-wellness/health-centers/women/maca-for-menopausal-symptoms/

Another great post even if the ending wasn't from a storybook- straight from the heart.

a tired pet is a well behaved pet.


Keep her exercised. Exercise together. That makes a huge difference. But remember not to phrase it that way.