Question for the dating experts on here.

[cockerpunk]

Originally Posted by KNS

In fastfred's dating thread rodrsr posted some interesting links as to why men are no longer approaching women. The general consensus was that it's just not worth it (for a variety of reasons). Some of the reasoning touched on in the comments was that women brought this on themselves.

Some of the comments were eye opening: Man looks at group of women in a train station for too long (when he was actually looking for a buddy behind a group of women). He gets labeled a creep.

Man offers an innocent cup of coffee to female coworker. Man is then brought into HR for counseling on unwanted sexual advances.

dont be a creep and dont hit on your coworkers.

this is like ... masculinity 101. what the ****.

[Dixie]

Originally Posted by cockerpunk

dont be a creep and dont hit on your coworkers.

this is like ... masculinity 101. what the ****.

I concur.
Plus, such content does men a disservice. Reassuring men it's women's fault leaves men powerless. People are better served focusing on what they can change rather than what they can't. Rather than saying women are unreasonable, adjust who you'll ask out, or make yourself more attractive. (Like lose weight or practice compassion.)

PS, I'm not trying to be mean or scold y'all. Rejection sucks. I get it. Women get rejected too, but for men it's on a whole different level. I'm just saying you can't change anyone but yourself. And I find changing myself to be challenge enough.

[gregpark]

Originally Posted by Dixie

I'm just saying you can't change anyone but yourself.

True. In mate selection, men make the mistake of thinking the woman will never change and women make the mistake of thinking she can change him. Everyone is constantly changing, but on their own agenda

[fintstone]

Originally Posted by Baz

Reminds me of some of the women I have worked with.

[fintstone]

Originally Posted by cockerpunk

dont be a creep and dont hit on your coworkers.

this is like ... masculinity 101. what the ****.

Most men (and women) have little contact with the other sex outside of the 65 hours a week the work. It is unreasonable to expect that they would not date from that pool (among relative equals outside of the reporting chain).

[cockerpunk]

Originally Posted by Dixie

I concur.
Plus, such content does men a disservice. Reassuring men it's women's fault leaves men powerless. People are better served focusing on what they can change rather than what they can't. Rather than saying women are unreasonable, adjust who you'll ask out, or make yourself more attractive. (Like lose weight or practice compassion.)

PS, I'm not trying to be mean or scold y'all. Rejection sucks. I get it. Women get rejected too, but for men it's on a whole different level. I'm just saying you can't change anyone but yourself. And I find changing myself to be challenge enough.

yeah all that women simping for men content does is make **** men feel better about themselves. they are like "oh this hot young woman says it was my ex wife's fault all along, yeah, **** her! i dont need to grow up and learn new things, she just didnt understand me all along!" thats what it for, and its very popular for a reason. men coping badly with being terrible.

no one listening to that ****, is getting anywhere in the dating world.

totally agree, only person you can change is yourself. if you are unhappy with your dating success, the place to start is yourself. blaming other people will get you no where.

[fastfredracing]

Originally Posted by Baz

That's meth'd up

[cockerpunk]

Originally Posted by fintstone

Most men (and women) have little contact with the other sex outside of the 65 hours a week the work. It is unreasonable to expect that they would not date from that pool (among relative equals outside of the reporting chain).

we know you dont have any women friends. you dont need to keep repeating it.

the reason you do not hit on your coworkers is that she is not there to be hit on. she is there to work. she is trapped with you, via her income. her safety, money, and career are on the line depending on how she responds, this is not a good place to approach.

this is masculinity 101. you should know better, but since you dont know any women socially, i totally understand why you wouldnt know this.

[Dixie]

Originally Posted by fintstone

Most men (and women) have little contact with the other sex outside of the 65 hours a week the work.

True, but it's still risky. The one time I dated at work I almost got fired. I had been dating a fellow manager for about a year when a female employee with an axe to grind claimed we were having sex in conference rooms. HR reacted with extreme prejudice, but the executives liked me and I did good work, so HR settled for writing me up.

And having sex in a conference room isn't nearly dirty enough to be one of my fantasies.

[Steve Carlton]

I'm gonna need to review the HR file.

[stevej37]

I was lucky to work almost my whole career at a company that employed less than thirty.
No HR dept....rules were all understood. The worst thing I saw in 38 years was an employee in a shouting match with his boss. He knew he was wrong and voluntarily quit. Two women worked there and were respected by all others.

[Bill Douglas]

My last job was at a factory with about 600 people.

I got criticized for NOT hitting on the women. You can't win. I explained I'm there to work and I separate my personal life from my work life. I't wasn't as if I wasn't sociable as I was the one person who supposedly knew everyone's name.

Modern age: You are damned if you do and damned if you don't.

[flatbutt]

Originally Posted by Dixie

True, but it's still risky. The one time I dated at work I almost got fired. I had been dating a fellow manager for about a year when a female employee with an axe to grind claimed we were having sex in conference rooms. HR reacted with extreme prejudice, but the executives liked me and I did good work, so HR settled for writing me up.

And having sex in a conference room isn't nearly dirty enough to be one of my fantasies.

Do you know what happened to the guy?

[Dixie]

Originally Posted by flatbutt

Do you know what happened to the guy?

He got written up as well.

[fintstone]

Originally Posted by cockerpunk

we know you dont have any women friends. you dont need to keep repeating it.

the reason you do not hit on your coworkers is that she is not there to be hit on. she is there to work. she is trapped with you, via her income. her safety, money, and career are on the line depending on how she responds, this is not a good place to approach.

this is masculinity 101. you should know better, but since you dont know any women socially, i totally understand why you wouldnt know this.

I understand why women do not flirt with you...and why you do not understand how males and females relate normally. I also realize that you define masculinity differently than most of us. You do you...but understand that most men posing here are very unlike you.

[fintstone]

Originally Posted by Dixie

True, but it's still risky. The one time I dated at work I almost got fired. I had been dating a fellow manager for about a year when a female employee with an axe to grind claimed we were having sex in conference rooms. HR reacted with extreme prejudice, but the executives liked me and I did good work, so HR settled for writing me up.

And having sex in a conference room isn't nearly dirty enough to be one of my fantasies.

Life is risky and only a fool acts on their passions while actually at their place of employment (other than some Congressional staffers). That said, most folks meet those they date in/through school activities...and later...at work. It is where they spend the most of their waking hours...and get to know others well.

Meeting people through online dating is dangerous and more for hooking up. not finding a life partner. Most adults have very little time outside of work where they spend time with others and even lesser time among peers. Both school and then work provide relatively large pools of the opposite sex where you already have a lot in common and know fairly well.

[GH85Carrera]

Originally Posted by stevej37

I was lucky to work almost my whole career at a company that employed less than thirty.
No HR dept....rules were all understood. The worst thing I saw in 38 years was an employee in a shouting match with his boss. He knew he was wrong and voluntarily quit. Two women worked there and were respected by all others.

Same here. The only HR department was a talk to the owner of the company. It was the era when when one of the front counter ladies wore a new nice dress she received lots of compliments from the guys. No one was offended.

[cockerpunk]

Originally Posted by Bill Douglas

My last job was at a factory with about 600 people.

I got criticized for NOT hitting on the women. You can't win. I explained I'm there to work and I separate my personal life from my work life. I't wasn't as if I wasn't sociable as I was the one person who supposedly knew everyone's name.

Modern age: You are damned if you do and damned if you don't.

yup, not a setting you can win, so dont play.

[911 Rod]

I met my 1st wife at work when I was 18.
Back then everyone at work partied together.

[cockerpunk]

Originally Posted by fintstone

I understand why women do not flirt with you...and why you do not understand how males and females relate normally. I also realize that you define masculinity differently than most of us. You do you...but understand that most men posing here are very unlike you.

plenty of women flirt with me. i have no issues with attracting and dating women. i enjoy dating very much because of it, even online dating. see, i actually like people. unlike everyone who hates dating, hates getting to know new people, think people with life experience are "damaged goods" etc etc.



yeah, most men are ****ty men. thats kinda been the point since page 1. if you are hitting on women at work, you are a ****ty man. this isnt complicated.

hitting on women at work is similar to hitting on women in male dominated hobbies.

hitting on women in male dominated hobbies is also foolish because women who participate in male dominated hobbies fall into 2 camps. the first is women who participate in male dominated hobbies for the male attention it gets them, and you dont want someone like that. and the second is women who participate in the male dominated hobby because they love it, and the male attention they get from it is a cost to doing the hobby. so dont be that guy and make the cost for her more expensive to participate either way, you loose, so dont do it.

hitting on women at work is like #2, except instead of loving the hobby, they need money to you know ... survive. so again, you can only loose.


the place to hit on women is somewhere where the rules are clear (ie, everyone is there to meet and flirt), a woman can protect herself so that safety isnt an issue, etc etc. the workplace is not like that.

this is actually a key reason why i prefer online dating to meet people. the rules are clear, everyone knows what the point is, and is choosing to participate. i love all these male creators telling men to get off the apps ... like, perfect. even better. i have had luck at bars/mixers etc, but even then, the rules are still a little muddy in that interaction, id rather just get a match, get a date, and move on from there.