Do you visit the dead? Or put up memorials?

[Dixie]

What I find tacky is the memorials plastered across the back window of cars. Okay, I get it. It's not my place to dictate how others should grieve. I'm simply hoping my memory is worth a bit more permanence than some vinyl lettering on the back of a 2010 Hyundai Santa Fe.

And no, I don't visit or talk to the deceased. I do think of them, both the good and bad. I smile at the good, and forgive the bad. Just like I hope people will do when I'm dead.

...Prop me up against the jukebox.

[Bill Douglas]

In some places in Europe they bury the dead for 10 years in the town cemetery. Then dig 'em up and dump the remains in a mass grave somewhere else. They feel that after 10 years who cares.

[peppy]

My mom, dad, son and sister all buried about a mile from me. I try to put flowers on the graves for birthdays and mothers day.

[masraum]

Originally Posted by onewhippedpuppy

Nah, I just buy stick on letters at Walmart and memorialize them on the back window of my pickup.

I was very close with my grandparents, but I’ve never gone to visit their graves post-funeral. My parents just want to be cremated when they die, no memorial service or grave. Sort of weird to think that someday they’ll be gone without a trace from this earth. Though generally speaking so will all of us.

For one of my grandfather's and my dad, the service was small and personal and months after they passed. That made the experience less grief-ridden and more of a positive remembrance.

[masraum]

Originally Posted by Bill Douglas

In some places in Europe they bury the dead for 10 years in the town cemetery. Then dig 'em up and dump the remains in a mass grave somewhere else. They feel that after 10 years who cares.

I think in Japan internment happens with the bodies standing up due to space constraints. Japan is one of the cultures that reverse the dead. I think in some places in Japan, they do something similar, again, due to limited space, move the remains after a period of time.

Originally Posted by afterburn 549

Ecclesiastes 9:5 The dead know nothing.
The Bible verse that states "the dead know nothing" is found in Ecclesiastes 9:5, which explains that the living are aware of their mortality, but the dead have no knowledge or reward, and their memories are forgotten. This verse emphasizes the finality of death and the absence of awareness in the state of being dead.
End.
In context
(Awaiting the resurrection.)

Funerals, services, etc... are for the living.

Originally Posted by Dixie

What I find tacky is the memorials plastered across the back window of cars. Okay, I get it. It's not my place to dictate how others should grieve. I'm simply hoping my memory is worth a bit more permanence than some vinyl lettering on the back of a 2010 Hyundai Santa Fe.

And no, I don't visit or talk to the deceased. I do think of them, both the good and bad. I smile at the good, and forgive the bad. Just like I hope people will do when I'm dead.

...Prop me up against the jukebox.

I see that in Houston. Again, I feel like it's mostly a Hispanic thing.

Originally Posted by peppy

My mom, dad, son and sister all buried about a mile from me. I try to put flowers on the graves for birthdays and mothers day.

THere are times when I wish I did that sort of thing, but I don't live any where near most of my dead relatives. In my dad's case, we put his ashes in the Blackwater River in the panhandle of FL, so there's no place specific to go anyway.

[LEAKYSEALS951]

Last week, I was at a restaurant/brewery. The first crisp fall temps of the season, I sat outside in the setting fall sun (it was getting dark) and a musician played in the dark on the stage. We were about the only ones there. Between us, was a grassy area bathed in a warm overhead light.

Suddenly, my dead wife put her hand on my shoulder. Then an old dead girlfriend walked into the light and smiles.

Now, ordinarily, a wife and an old girlfriend meeting in the same venue could cause issues. The fact they were dead, even more. Stephen King be damned, but they were in their prime, and life was good.

Since it's a party, why not have my dad, and all the other dead people I know walk into the spotlight and smile.

So they did. Big hugs. Dancing, sitting at picnic tables. The venue was suddenly full. Only thing though, I had to remember them, it took a lot of energy. Looking back, I missed a few people who deserved invites my little get together.

It also got me wondering, what would my dad have been wearing? 1970's clothes? 1990's seinfeld clothes? Should his vision be a reminder of my memory? Same with my girlfriend who died in the early 2000's. She died swimming off a beach in mexico. Is she enshrined in 1990's clothing? We dated in the late 1980's.. so there.

Either way, they all looked good. No exposed skulls and such. It was a fun moment, and filled me with happiness, even if it was just me.

I was drinking a new seasonal beer. Good stuff. I'll get an uber next time if I have another.

I don't visit my dad's grave. I went there once, dropped off a french tape measure I lost back in about 1980 (he was pissed), and I left. Too hurtful.

R

[LEAKYSEALS951]

Originally Posted by masraum

I see that in Houston. Again, I feel like it's mostly a Hispanic thing.

LOL! In our county it's a redneck thing.

[WPOZZZ]

I'm not a very religious person, but my family was Buddhist. As such, we have a Buddhist altar in the house. I have one at my legal residence, and 5 years out, I still speak to my mother and sister everyday. At the town house where I have been living since I was caring for my mother, I put an incense offering daily.

As for places to visit, my families chuch has a niche where all the urns are kept. I usually visit on Memorial Day, Easter, Obon... I also go to the cemetary on thos days, too.

In Hawaii, we see a lot of those memorial stickers on cars, so it is not a Hispanic thing. Perhaps more a generational thing. I just think it is a little creepy.

[Zeke]

Originally Posted by look 171

I always thought the road side memorials are a Latin American thing?

I don't think so. "Los Angeles County itself is home to the largest Latino population of any county in the United States." — Google AI
So you see this frequently all over and there is 50/50 chance on the Latin thing. More so, of course, in East L.A.

I guess "Other" included no, not ever.

[Noah930]

My grandmother (who didn't speak a lick of English) would talk to my deceased grandfather at the cemetery. She'd update him on all the family doings. So now that she's gone as well, it's a bit odd to be at the cemetery and not tell her (and I guess my grandfather) the family news. It just seems like I'm supposed to audibly verbalize what's been going on.

I also think of the movie Coco. Great animated film, and it's not just for kids. Worth a watch, even if you're not a child. Cute and sweet. But in the movie, the deceased continue to exist in the afterlife as long as someone on the living side still remembers them. They're skeletons in the afterlife, but they still exist. However, when no one on living earth remembers them, they're like Vash: Poof, gone! That's the worst that can befall them. So maybe it's worthwhile to continue the memory of those who have passed, even if they're not around in our world anymore.

[bob deluke]

My wife’s remains on a coffee table in our living room. I get fresh flowers for her every week, and talk to her daily. She did not want to be buried, neither do I. When I pass, my ashes will be scattered at sea.

[Por_sha911]

^^^ Nice touch Bob.
I told my wife that if I go first I would like her to put my ashes in the ashtray of the Carrera and take me out for a drive. We believe that when our mortal bodies die, we live eternally in one of two places... We expect to see each other again in Heaven.

[vash]

I drop by and say hi to my dad when I am in El Paso.

it shocks me every time I can find the plot. it is in the military place and it is a maze.

[vash]

I drop by and say hi to my dad when I am in El Paso.

it shocks me every time I can find the plot. it is in the military place and it is a maze.

it is where my dad met my wife. . he would have like her.

[rockfan4]

There's a few roadside memorials here in western Wisconsin. I can't say I've ever seen a ghost bike however. There's one memorial in the median by the eastbound onramp to I-90 by my house. In 2014 I-90 was under construction and down to one lane eastbound. Someone on the interstate hit the brakes to let someone on the interstate, even though the entering person is supposed to yield, and traffic backed up on the interstate. A guy in his 20's in a '67 Mustang stopped, the hungover and still slightly drunk guy in the dump truck behind him did not. He was looking at Facebook on his phone and ended up on top of the Mustang. 6 cars involved in that accident.

There's another for a guy I used to know, in 2018 he wrecked his car driving way too fast on a county road just north of West Salem, WI. He was 42 and should have known better.

I don't visit my parents' graves regularly. I think I know where every ancestor is buried going back at least 3 generations, and sometimes more, and I've visited them all at least once, but I didn't talk to any of them.

When we take our trip this spring I'd like to locate and visit my wife's grandmother's grave. She should be buried in or near Shawnee Oklahoma.

[Bill Douglas]

My grandfather spoke very fondly of his mother. I know the cemetery where she is buried but I can't find the grave. That would have been 110 years ago or something like that when she died. I found her name on some find a grave website, but I'd like to visit her grave and lay some flowers on behalf of my granddad. I can't imagine anyone in the future visiting her grave so I'll be the last one.

[KFC911]

This is a very personal, (and cultural) thing.... I don't.

The crosses where fatalities have occurred have been seen here for a few decades now... mostly rural areas, and a simple cross, etc. Methinks those are just "warnings" to be careful, along with a reminder, etc. I haven't seen lavish ones.

Easter weekend is my mom's (and now deceased sisters) gravesite ritual at a Moravian cemetary (and two others) placing flowers on the graves. Almost every (or mebbe every) square marker has a vase of flowers....

Me ... I retrieved (then planted) mom's two vases this year among the 7-8 set out.. . one of my cousins ... "she" wanted to pick the one for my aunts... personal connection.

A family tradition for the females on mom's side...

Some of the older cemetaries are 1700s... can't read the stones.

On "family property" ... there are 3-4 graves ... 3 together and 1 by itself. I might be the only one who knows about one location.

Dust to dust....

I am just not into visiting burial sites, etc. .... I have memories and that works for me.

[oldE]

I have visited my parents' grave as well as my grandfathers' . Not often, but it is always a moment to reflect on how fortunate I have been.
At random times I have found myself just silently saying, "Thank you " to either my Father or Mother, when something triggers a memory of life lessons learned from them ( or they forgave)
These days I try to get together with my remaining siblings when I can. It's easier to carry on a conversation that way.

[A930Rocket]

Originally Posted by Bill Douglas

My grandfather spoke very fondly of his mother. I know the cemetery where she is buried but I can't find the grave. That would have been 110 years ago or something like that when she died. I found her name on some find a grave website, but I'd like to visit her grave and lay some flowers on behalf of my granddad. I can't imagine anyone in the future visiting her grave so I'll be the last one.

Try: https://www.findagrave.com/

I don’t know how far it goes back, but we used it once.

[GH85Carrera]

Originally Posted by A930Rocket

Try: https://www.findagrave.com/

I don’t know how far it goes back, but we used it once.

When I was doing my family tree on Ancestry, I went to the cemetery to find some of my relatives. Great grandparents, and aunts and uncles. I took pictures of the grave sites and posted them on my Ancestry.com family tree. Only dead people show up in the public part of the tree. All living people are private and only I can see them. Anyway, several people that are very distant relatives thanked me for the photos of the grave sites. I had no idea people would want the photos at the time. They all lived in different states. With the date of birth and death and the location of the grave they can find the death certificate, and find more data about their ancestors. There is lots of public information on people. Military service, and former addresses and what they did for a living. Doing a family tree is a rabbit hole and you can spend the rest of your life building the tree. I quite after 10 generations. Past that, it was pointless to me.