I need some REAL dating advice...

[vash]

I once met a woman that had way too many reptiles. and cats.

she was an animal person for sure.

kinda hot. super fast, faster than me on a canyon road on a motorcycle. it didnt work out, mainly because she was younger than I was, and I was chasing a career to last me a while. she was deeply in fun mode.

now? she is well adjusted, owns a house in SF, totally got her **** together. still fairly hot. hahhaha..probaboy still has a few cats. and still a bunch of motorcycles

[Bill Douglas]

I wouldn't go trying to meet females on a dating app. They are pretty well used.

The sort you (probably) would like to meet are at sports clubs and doing things other than concentrating on who is going to be their F' for this Friday night and another one lined up for Saturday night.

Pickleball has lots of nice normal females.

[GH85Carrera]

One of the many women I worked with over the years was complaining she could not find a good man. I told her flat out, going to a bar is not the best choice.

I suggested she get interested in things men like. I told her about the astronomy club, all men standing in a field looking through telescopes. All of them very smart men.

Or a car club of any sort. Go to the club events, and guys will flock around wanted to help her fix any car issue. The archery club, gun clubs, model airplanes, and more. She said she did not know anything abut those things and I replied LEARN. Not one guy was born with innate knowledge of those hobbies. You don't have to be a expert, and it is best if you ask questions and guys will love to help you learn.

Now just reverse that entire thing. What do ladies get together to do? Knitting, book clubs, library associations, dancing of many sorts, and anything else that groups of ladies get together and want men to be part of.

All of that makes me so happy I found Mrs Right and made he Mrs. Carrera 33 years ago. I never want to have to date again.

[Cajundaddy]

Back away from the toxic online dating sites and go out and meet people. Join a volleyball league, hiking meetup, cooking class, music class, pickleball league, bicycle club, ski club, and on and on. It's actually better if you are not real good at the activity and could use some friendly assistance. Choose an activity where you can get to know gals on a very casual level with no commitment or expectations. If someone catches your eye, ask them to join you for coffee.

This way you get to know them personally without any AI touchups or... cats.

[Dixie]

I suggest you adopt the strategy one of my brothers used. Swipe right on every and all females. Those you match on? That's your starting place. Go through those and see who catches your interest.

There is an issue with this strategy. I, like some other women, don't swipe at all. We just work through the plethora of guys who message us.

So I guess my net advice is, good luck!

[brainz01]

Originally Posted by Bill Douglas

I wouldn't go trying to meet females on a dating app. They are pretty well used.

The sort you (probably) would like to meet are at sports clubs and doing things other than concentrating on who is going to be their F' for this Friday night and another one lined up for Saturday night.

Pickleball has lots of nice normal females.

You may be right regarding the apps. But they're efficient: Endless dates in your pocket.

I have yet to date a pickle ball woman. They generally seem older, and there are a bunch of them on the apps....




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[brainz01]

Originally Posted by Dixie

I suggest you adopt the strategy one of my brothers used. Swipe right on every and all females. Those you match on? That's your starting place. Go through those and see who catches your interest.



There is an issue with this strategy. I, like some other women, don't swipe at all. We just work through the plethora of guys who message us.



So I guess my net advice is, good luck!

I'm fortunate in that I get enough interest that I tend to only match with the ones that have already swiped me. I do very little swiping right, but if I do, it's a profile that I genuinely like. But even then, you never know what the real world chemistry is going to be.

*Edited to add that this post was mostly about women and horses, which I have no experience. While I appreciate the thoughts, getting dates is not the problem. Really just looking to save a couple months of figuring out who's a good fit.

Cat lovers: 1 cat, maybe. 2+ cats, pass.
Horse lovers: maybe

[rockfan4]

Regarding the "want kids" checkbox. Unless there's a separate box to say "It's okay if you have kids", that is what I'd interpret that box to mean for someone over 40.

I'm going to post this in my own thread, but here's the time suck part of owning a horse: I went with my wife to the barn tonight, she need help training him.
We left the house about 4:00pm today. It's at least 30 minutes to the barn. Between catching the horse, grooming him, working him on the ground (no riding tonight) cooling him down, feeding him, drying him off and taking him back to the pasture, and then driving home, it was 7:30 when we walked in the door, and I'm now eating dinner at about 7:50 pm.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by brainz01

This is helpful. I think I'm dealing with one of the first two. She grew up on a farm and appears quite pedigreed, but probably not trust fund rich. Very smart, high achiever, and plays polo, hence the horse (which she boards in the country).

That changes the equation.

Even if she only, and this is a real polo term, "sticks and balls", she is no dilettante, quite the opposite.

When I finished HS in Aiken, SC, I worked as "hot walker" for a polo player for Saturday matches. There are generally 4 to 6 "Cukkers" in a polo match and there is a new horse for every chukker plus a spare.

My job, which I was highly qualified for, was to take the horse from the groom and walk it until it cooled off.

It is a gift I have.

[Zeke]

Originally Posted by rockfan4

Regarding the "want kids" checkbox. Unless there's a separate box to say "It's okay if you have kids", that is what I'd interpret that box to mean for someone over 40.

I'm going to post this in my own thread, but here's the time suck part of owning a horse: I went with my wife to the barn tonight, she need help training him.
We left the house about 4:00pm today. It's at least 30 minutes to the barn. Between catching the horse, grooming him, working him on the ground (no riding tonight) cooling him down, feeding him, drying him off and taking him back to the pasture, and then driving home, it was 7:30 when we walked in the door, and I'm now eating dinner at about 7:50 pm.

You got off light. That's just a casual maintenance.

My grandparents that were up near Bakersfield CA had horses before WWII and beyond to my teen years. I had a horse kept there. My grandfather died the year before I was born. In his time he rode with the Kern County horse something or other. I don't remember the name. They rode in the Rose Parade with silver studded saddles and tack. I remember seeing all that stuff covered up in the stable.

I rode when I was there and was taught how to care for the horse while I was there, which was not a lot in the course of a year being in Long Beach during the school year. I'd get up there 2wice in the summer and some of the holidays.

Care equaled riding time. Someone had to do that all year long. Unfortunately that horse was not ridden enough and was pretty nasty when saddled up. So there's that, you have to ride often. And the cycle goes round and round.

It's pretty stupid if there is no working need for a horse. My uncle lived for horses while working the oil patch for a living. He lived in Oildale outside Bakersfield.

I can only say I'm grateful for the exposure to that life of farming and culture. Doesn't mesh well with being a racer gearhead. Tractor pulling is an outgrowth of the life of gears and dirt. I had little ongoing interest in the dirt part.

[brainz01]

Originally Posted by Seahawk

That changes the equation.

Even if she only, and this is a real polo term, "sticks and balls", she is no dilettante, quite the opposite.

When I finished HS in Aiken, SC, I worked as "hot walker" for a polo player for Saturday matches. There are generally 4 to 6 "Cukkers" in a polo match and there is a new horse for every chukker plus a spare.

My job, which I was highly qualified for, was to take the horse from the groom and walk it until it cooled off.

It is a gift I have.

I'm gonna need you to translate that into city-boy lingo. Is that good or bad?

What's the archetype of female polo players. Apparently there's not a ton of them, and she also plays co-ed (often as the only woman). This strikes me as a potential red flag.

On the other hand, I'm attracted to feminine women with tomboy hobbies. We also talked motorcycles and she said motocross was interesting to her (as a rider), although I don't think she's got that experience. As a 50+yo, I think my MX days are past, but I appreciate the sense of adventure.

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[Tobra]

Originally Posted by brainz01

She grew up on a farm

You are probably good

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by brainz01

I'm gonna need you to translate that into city-boy lingo. Is that good or bad?

It means she knows and works horses and also knows how to ride.

All good in that particular area of concern...good to go.

Good luck!

[brainz01]

Okey dokey. We see, we see...

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[911 Rod]

To those that say don't go online to meet woman. I assume you are with someone long term.
It really is the only way unless you get lucky. Really lucky.
All the good ones are pretty much taken or want to be single.

[coldstart]

Women think completely opposite of guys.

When I was dating and on the apps, I included a picture of me on a horse. I could not keep up with the messages from women bc of that pic. From horse lovers to animal lovers ot gold diggers. It did not even matter that I was 6'-3" and ugly.

If you see a lady you think you might like, swipe right. Hell, most guys swipe right on every lady nowadays. Enjoy the dating life.

[Bill Douglas]

When I was on the dating apps I got my good photographer friend Sue to take pics of me. Her little boy was making faces etc and I was trying hard not to laugh.

So many females said "It was the smile that got me." or "I melted when I saw that smile."

So I should really say a belated thanks to the guy.

[greglepore]

Originally Posted by brainz01

I'm gonna need you to translate that into city-boy lingo. Is that good or bad?

What's the archetype of female polo players. Apparently there's not a ton of them, and she also plays co-ed (often as the only woman). This strikes me as a potential red flag.

On the other hand, I'm attracted to feminine women with tomboy hobbies. We also talked motorcycles and she said motocross was interesting to her (as a rider), although I don't think she's got that experience. As a 50+yo, I think my MX days are past, but I appreciate the sense of adventure.

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So, if she's doing polo she's not crazy and not a dabbler. She's serious. She also has some money somewhere. IDK if that's good or bad, it can be either depending on the dynamic. The coe-ed thing isn't a red flag, she's good. Like really good.
But horses are a major ass time suck. Now that I'm retired I'm cool with that, I even participate fully. But if you have a demanding career and she either doesn't or does and still finds time for the horse thing, then you'll need some time to aclimate.
But honestly, I'd rather find someone with a passion in life than someone without who's searching. That's just me, if you don't need independence right now it could be a red flag. But people that are passionate and athletic and talented are special.

[wilnj]

Originally Posted by Bill Douglas

When I was on the dating apps I got my good photographer friend Sue to take pics of me. Her little boy was making faces etc and I was trying hard not to laugh.

So many females said "It was the smile that got me." or "I melted when I saw that smile."

So I should really say a belated thanks to the guy.

I think I look absolutely goofy when I smile for pics but I've gotten the same feedback.

[jhynesrockmtn]

Some random comments. I was divorced with two kids at home when I was 45ish after 20+ years of marriage. I wish I had waited longer to date and focused on me. In hindsight my marriage and other experiences had done a fair bit of damage to my self image. If you are good and the kids are solid, go for it.

Cats. I love them and if my wife leaves this earth before me, I'll get more and live alone. I love dogs too, so probably a few of those. People (my wife and kids excluded), I have less and less patience for the older I get.

The apps. I had some great dates and a few 1-2 year relationships from the apps back in the day. Overall a positive experience. My wife was introduced by mutual friends.

Horses. When I moved from Seattle to Spokane I spent a couple of years working as the CEO of a small equine therapy non profit. We had 8 horses and a few staff with a ton of volunteers. Everyone but me had a ton of experience with horses. I enjoyed the animals, but the arguments over which vet to use, what supplements to feed, does Bella need a chiropractor, which farrier to use........ were endless. I decided I could be a horse person, but not be around horse people. YMMV.

Good luck. The right person is a needle in a haystack. Especially the older we get. The baggage starts looking like they have packed for a round the world cruise. I learned the hard way to avoid long term relationships with anyone who's kids were still living at home or were struggling to launch. Luckily my wife's kids are all folks I am happy to spend time with and are smart, funny and finacially independent.