Tough ultimatum from spouse

[livi]

I am eager to learn, but I am still far from competent enough to muck about with old cars. I have done a few simple tasks with my Carrera and hopefully I will gain enough confidence to perform a valve adjust this summer.

[svandamme]

lol, when i bought mine, i hadn't even done anything more then checking the oil or changing a tire on my previous cars...

stripping down is easy
and getting it back together becomes a mission

[livi]

In my case, likely Mission Impossible..

[onewhippedpuppy]

Congrats Markus, I'm glad you were able to begin your life anew. Nothing but potential lies ahead, with the ability to live life as YOU see fit. I can't begin to imagine the load off of your shoulders, and while there will be some rough times, maybe even when you question your decision, you made the right choice. The only future you had with her was misery. So for now, swear off the women, get a dog or something, and have fun with those kids.

[cool_chick]

Originally posted by livi


Finally I feel confident I will have the opportunity to be a great dad. I am buying a rather big house on the beach that me and my children are looking forward to decorate exactly how we want it. Its not going to be a museum with every little thing in its place, where the kids are not aloud to play and make a mess (like at there mothers). It will be a house like Villa Villekulla (Pippi Longstockings house by Astrid Lindgren).

Congrats livi.

Just remember, you still are the parent. Your role is to be a parent, and not their friend (that comes in their 20s, provided you were good at parenting when they were children. It seems those parents who want to be friends with their kids when they're kids never remain friends in adulthood....more like dysfunctional, disrespectful behavior amongst both.....)

So while I understand you wanting to loosen up a bit, remember there are still limits (the purpose of these limits is to prepare them for adulthood when you are no longer around to protect them) and that it is your job to enforce them.

Not that you won't....just wanted to throw that out there

[Dennis Kalma]

Maybe going against the flow a bit.....I definitely would recommend that you get to your urologist and tie the knot, just to prevent future ...er..um...issue. Second, take some time off as you suggest...clear your head, get disentangled from your situation and make sure you understand who you are as much as anything.

Lastly, do not necessarily write off marriage/women. I have been with the same woman for 30 years, we have definitely had ups and downs, frustrations and joys...rich and lean times and I am the stronger man for having a good woman to work with me on life's challenges. The defining characteristic is that both parties must recognize that relationships are all about work, effort, compromise, finding middle ground, give and take...all covered by layer of caring and love for each other.

You can see these kinds of characteristics in people as you meet them, but you have to look and filter out all the other stuff in order to see what the character is of the person you are meeting....

Just take care of yourself first, but also examine inside yourself very carefully....find out what your accountability has been in this situation, learn what needs to be learned, starting with yourself....and then go forward.....

To paraphrase the immortal Pogo...."we have found the enemy and we are they...."

Dennis

[livi]

Thanks!

Matt, yes I still need to hear I probably made the right decision.

CC, I am an old time father in that sense. I make the boundaries and take responsibility for the consequences. Makes for a more secure environment for the kids.

Dennis, one positive outcome of this tragedy is that I have learned a good deal about myself. Who I am, what I need. What I can give. Simply my pros and cons. I am not afraid of women per se, but I have learned the hard way that it takes time to really get to know someone. Or, more importantly, to listen to the signals that for quite some time may be obscured behind the pinkish fog of new love. And to have confidence in those signals. I know there are plenty of fantastic women out there but I am in no hurry what so ever. On the contrary - I long for the freedom.

[Tobra]

Originally posted by livi
I am eager to learn, but I am still far from competent enough to muck about with old cars. I have done a few simple tasks with my Carrera and hopefully I will gain enough confidence to perform a valve adjust this summer.

I guarantee you are as competent as the vast majority of monkeys that are out there wrenching on cars

Originally posted by nostatic

Oh, ok...Mul's ok too

I don't know about that

[livi]

Thanks for the vote of confidence, Tobra!

Who knows, one of these days I might open my own shop. RIM CLEANERS and Son. No, that sounds to x-rated..

[Rot 911]

Originally posted by livi
[B]I am buying a rather big house on the beach

Can I come live with you?

[Joeaksa]

Originally posted by livi
Thanks for asking, Joe

Its still not sorted in detail. I have however finally mustered the will power to leave her. I am still trying to work out a benevolent agreement between us, in order for our daughter to feel she is safe with parents that are not enemies. Not sure my ex will be able to suppress her anger and need for revenge enough to come to a non hostile agreement. I have given her the terms I need for our daughter and a few weeks to agree or come up with any reasonable suggestions. If she does not, I will let the court decide. According to my lawyer I hold all the good cards so eventually I will have it my (and our daughters) way. I just thought it crucial to have her mother with me in our joint custody. Being in agreement for the sake of our daughters well being is paramount.

I will tell you I feel reborn in so many ways. I wake up happy. Life is suddenly a joy and I have so much more time with my other three children. True evidence of my change for the better is that my eight year old suddenly turned to me yesterday and said: " Dad, whats happened ? You have been smiling all day today!"

It may sound a bit romantic, but the impact of the support you guys offered me really made a difference! How corny is my world when the best help offered comes from an overseas Porsche forum!

Oh, and I have driven a lot more Porsche lately !!

Marcus,

It might take a while to get sorted out. I just returned from Europe, carrying my B&O stereo with me. I bought it in 1989, two months before getting married in Arhus. After we split up the wife begged me to let her use it for another six months or so until she got on her feet financially.

It took over 5 years of haggling from my lawyer and an order from the court to get it returned. Only problem is that before she returned it it appears that she dropped it from 1 meter onto the floor. I will get it fixed and enjoy it as I did before she came into my life.

These things do not sort themselves out very fast, so just pls be ready for a bit of a battle with her over many things. Remember that it will work out in the end and now you are making a new life for yourself and your children.

Joe

[svandamme]

Originally posted by Kurt V
Can I come live with you?

i don't think Livi decided to switch sides completely now
he may be fed up with evil women , but i think he still likes women you know...

[livi]

Everyone is welcome ! I will need a nanny - preferably of the female gender 17-22 years old, a gardener, a cook and a Porsche wrench. Take your pic guys.

I would call my shop rim cleaner - not rim rider..

Yes Joe, I am prepared (I think) for a long stretch. There will be no such thing as a free lunch with that woman. However, as you, I will be able to play my B&O as loudŽs sheŽll go!

[svandamme]

hell , in that case, get a room ready , i'll be the beer & tox guru
and i've done gastronomic cooking prior to becoming a professional geek...

[artplumber]

Glad to hear things have perhaps begun to settle down. I second the "take some time to be alone" advice. Seems old fashioned and not in vogue, but maybe, when you decide you want companionship again, you should find out if you can be friends first, and then something more. I think that where most relationships breakdown, is that change from hormones/visual (or other) stimulation to actually interacting as equals in a shared life.

[snowman]

I would insist on a gruling interview for any woman. How many Porsches have you owned? Can you rebuild a recent Turbo? Do you race? What class? Do you win? How often? Only the important stuff.

[M.D. Holloway]

Originally posted by livi
Everyone is welcome ! I will need a nanny - preferably of the female gender 17-22 years old...

Speaking from experience, Denmark has its share of hot nannys!

Markus - glad to hear things are getting sorted out. You, my friend are in one hell of a mood stew. The stress at work coupled with the home life spells for some serious *****.

Just remember, you got a bunch of folks around the world pull'n for ya. Good luck.

[Rot 911]

Originally posted by svandamme
hell , in that case, get a room ready

Get to the back of the line, I asked first!

[svandamme]

Originally posted by Kurt V
Get to the back of the line, I asked first!

i can cook...

[bigchillcar]

hey..what about me?? i may not cook as well as stijn..or work on cars as well as kurt..but..i have excellent interpersonal skills, am a great listener and can do a good job lifting weights..