Wedding in China – Help!

[imcarthur]

This morning we got the groom-to-be stuffed on the plane to Beijing. He will stay in the bride-to-be's new condo in Chaoyang - and get this - her mother is staying too! At least for the next few days. We had heard that her father - who is traveling - was not pleased about them staying together before the wedding. It will be interesting to see . . .

Our plans are fixed - flight & hotel - Plaza Royale suite for $126 CAD. It's 3 doors away from the condo. We are going to wing it for the rest & book Xi'an etc when we get to China at the insistence of our 'new family'.

Ian

[imcarthur]

fwiw . . .

My stepson (SS) finally met his future father-in-law a couple of nights ago. Dad slipped into Beijing for a high-level meeting & arranged to pick them up at a downtown mall. He arrived very, very courteous, begged off dinner (too drunk), drove them to the condo (which he now knows they are sharing - prenuptials) & made a date for the next day. His chauffer drove btw. He cancelled the next day as he was urgently pulled away on gov’t business . . .

Hmmmmmmmm . . .

This weekend, SS is in Handan with the whole lot of them for the wedding photos. Dad surprisingly made an appearance & has offered to buy SS the new shoes he was supposed to buy before he left . . .

We have our Visas, tickets for the 5th of Feb & a hotel in Beijing, although we were talked into staying in the condo for the first 2 nights. As for our China travel, future mom-in-law is handing it – she travels all the time too so she turned it over to her travel agent. I picked up the China Rough Guide & a small translation book.

We also bought the bride some jewelry & got a supply of wedding red envelopes. Other gifts remain to be bought but the clock is ticking.

So . . . it’s getting interesting.

Ian

[MRM]

Ian, I showed my wife this thread and she was pleasantly surprised that the advice I gave was very good. She said something like "You've actually been listening."

Give dad in law some slack and let him get to know you on his time. He's a really big shot there. If he was the same level in the US he would be out of our league. He might not know what to make of the Westerners, especially ones who are taking his daughter to another country. He might be worried that you are going to look down on him, because he's Chinese, despite his rank. Just be cool with him, treat him like you would anyone else, an share a couple of drinks with him. Make sure to defer to him a bit so he knows you respect him, and all will be well.

Ask the in laws how much you should put in the red enevlopes. A hundred Yuan is probably enough (that's about 12 USD) but more might be appropriate. Just feel it out so you give enough but not so much that it's uncomfortable for the receivers.

[Rick Lee]

It's probably different for weddings, but normally, it's a custom to fuss a lot over who pays the dinner tab. It's almost a phony dance and then one side gives in.

I was in Xi'an two Januarys ago and it was COLD. Air quality is near unbearable. But it is a cool city and the Qin Tomb is truly one of the most amazing sights in the world. On the bus from the airport into town, you'll go through some rough areas. If you stay in the center of the city, walk around the old city wall a bit. It is also just amazing and goes on forever. If you haven't been to China before, crossing the street in some cities is more dangerous than holding targets at the rifle range. It's very scary. IIRC, Xi'an has some pretty cool street markets in the winter time too and people eat outdoors in frigid temps. Read up on the Qin Tomb and the Terra Cotta Army. It literally brought a tear to my eye. Such a fascinating place.

If you have time in Beijing, be sure to get a massage from the blind ladies and go wandering around the Hutongs.

[imcarthur]

Originally posted by MRM
Just be cool with him, treat him like you would anyone else, an share a couple of drinks with him. Make sure to defer to him a bit so he knows you respect him, and all will be well.

Ask the in laws how much you should put in the red enevlopes. A hundred Yuan is probably enough (that's about 12 USD) but more might be appropriate. Just feel it out so you give enough but not so much that it's uncomfortable for the receivers.

Yeah, I figure we'll get to know each other over a bottle somewhere. I did this with some of my wife's Hungarian relatives. Just smile & keep the shots pouring. What's a good simple toast in Mandarin?

I was thinking a pocketful of 100 yuan notes might be in order but we'll try to feel out the parents whenever we meet them.

Rick: I've been reading up on Xi'an & Qin's soldiers. Mom-in-law is supposedly arranging the hotel & a guide for us although we're usually self-sufficient on our travels.

Ian

[MRM]

Just keep saying Gahmbey (rhymes with Bombay) - it means something like "bottoms up". That and "how cher" - good food and "sheay sheay" (or there abouts) - thanks gets you just about anywhere you need to go.

As Rick said, who pays the bill is a bid deal. Look to SS and daughter in law when you go out for guidance on how hard to fight over paying the bill.

[imcarthur]

We survived the trip. And had a blast. 10 days of travel, touristing & wedding festivities.

Full trip report Here

Best pics:

This is a little girl bowing to a girl handing out tea samples in a hutong south of Tian'anmen Square in Beijing.



This is a Buddhist monk talking on his cell phone. At the Buddhist temple in Xi'an.



And some P content: The Porsche Dealer on Chang'an in Beijing. I only saw one Porsche - a Cayenne S in Xi'an.



Ian

[Christien]

Hey Ian, welcome home! Just had a quick look through your pics and travel log - they bring back fond memories of my trip there 7 years ago. I love the Engrish signs - happiness and leisure life cheese cake

Congrats on your son's marriage! Looks like it was a great trip!

Chris