Sister Locked Out of Business 12k in Unpaid Rent

[WPOZZZ]

Originally Posted by Apollo

Just spoke to Dad-tried to get him to change his mind. He said " I will not let my daughter be thrown
out on the street"

What to do?......

Tell him, she has a place to live, this is her business that is being locked out.

[GWN7]

Hopefully she set the business up as a limited company. A lady friend bought a business and didn't. When it went south the landlord sued her for non payment of rent and future rent (she signed a contract) and they won. She ended up loosing her house.

[DanielDudley]

12 K will turn out to be the tip of the iceberg. Credit card debt and interest payments are what keep crushing debt at a constant level. My guess is that you sister doesn't even have her basic accounting in place to be able to look at her monthly expenses or bottom line her current state of debt. Throwing money at her problem without proper accounting will be like pissing at a forest fire, and yes, it will be like giving a bottle of booze to an alcoholic. It will postpone the agony, but reinforce the disease.

The solution to this problem starts with solid and honest accounting of expenses and debt, and the creation of a monthly budget and spending plan. Not one penny should be forked over in any case, but surely not until this is done.

The only way your father should pass over money would be if he takes over the books, and has sole charge over where it gets spent. If there is embezzlement, it is probably happening by both parties who have access to the accounts. Otherwise the responsible party would simply stop access to the accounts and regain control.

[lendaddy]

Out of pure curiosity, has sis announced ANY changes to her business plan/practices or is she claiming "bad luck" and/or "we're just about to turn the corner" ?

[gshase]

I bet your sister has not changed her lifestyle.....Still has a car and a nice house right? 12 K is a lot of money for anyone. I feel sorry for the land lord.

[ossiblue]

Originally Posted by Apollo

My Dad has caved. At 78 and not loaded, he is going to stump up 12K. Hung up on mother who said to me "We are doing this for our own reasons" I said "What reasons? we know them all and its a disaster. Good luck getting the 12K back" Mum:" Your just flying blind-you don't know everything"
" What don't I know? I know enough" -click

Originally Posted by Apollo

Just spoke to Dad-tried to get him to change his mind. He said " I will not let my daughter be thrown
out on the street"

What to do?......

You have just given us the whole story^^

This is not a business issue--that is just a symptom. This is the result of a long-time family dynamic that has produced an irresponsible adult-child and which continues to enable such behavior. You parents, for whatever reason, never allowed your sister to accept failure or responsibility for her mistakes. I would venture to guess that any difficulties in her life, while growing up, were always "somebody else's" fault and that claim was perpetrated and supported by your parents.

You will have no influence in this and, in fact, may be the one alienated from the family if you persist in your rational and correct thinking. It is a lost cause. Your parents created the situation and continue to feed it. They will not change, they will only suffer and, possibly, lament, "Why Us?" They need therapy as does your sister, but it will not likely happen. It will do them no good for you to say, "I told you so," though it may make you feel better. This is their problem (parents and sister) and you are powerless to intervene. She will always need help. They will always bail her out. You can continue to express your views, if asked, but you should avoid any actions that continue the enabling relationship.

It's your father's money and his decision. You give your point of view and rationale behind it. In the end, rationality and objectivity were rejected for blind, emotional, and destructive psychological reasons. This will cause you more pain than your parents because you see what this parasitic relationship really is, and it's your family. This is a situation of their creation and, just like an addict, they cannot get help until they recognize they need it. They have not reached that point yet, and they may never.

It seems like every family has a member like your sister, created by similar parenting practices. My sister is the same. My wife's sister is the same. The parents, in each case, failed to raise a child into an adult, always provided an excuse, never made the child accept full responsibility or consequence for their actions, and continue to enable the now "adult" who is, and always will be, a "victim." It is a sad situation, but you are not alone.

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by ossiblue

You have just given us the whole story^^

This is not a business issue--that is just a symptom. This is the result of a long-time family dynamic that has produced an irresponsible adult-child and which continues to enable such behavior. You parents, for whatever reason, never allowed your sister to accept failure or responsibility for her mistakes. I would venture to guess that any difficulties in her life, while growing up, were always "somebody else's" fault and that claim was perpetrated and supported by your parents.

It's tempting to believe this, but observation tells me this is both a nature and a nurture issue. A family close to me has two children, 30 and 35. Child A was born behaving "maturely." Now has an advanced degree and on his way up the corporate ladder with a big salary and savings and retirement plans. Child B born in the same household, same parents, one year later, has always had poor impulse control and a conviction that she knows everything. Got pregnant at 20, married, three kids, divorced, always looking for someone to help her out,but will listen to no one's advice. Her kids - one was born behaving "maturely" and one has poor impulse control and is as hard headed as a rock. I think there is an element of genetics in the impulse control and stubbornness traits that is out of the hands of the parents. But I'm no expert.

[ossiblue]

Originally Posted by wdfifteen

It's tempting to believe this, but observation tells me this is both a nature and a nurture issue. A family close to me has two children, 30 and 35. Child A was born behaving "maturely." Now has an advanced degree and on his way up the corporate ladder with a big salary and savings and retirement plans. Child B born in the same household, same parents, one year later, has always had poor impulse control and a conviction that she knows everything. Got pregnant at 20, married, three kids, divorced, always looking for someone to help her out,but will listen to no one's advice. Her kids - one was born behaving "maturely" and one has poor impulse control and is as hard headed as a rock. I think there is an element of genetics in the impulse control and stubbornness traits that is out of the hands of the parents. But I'm no expert.

We are in agreement. There is no single way to bring up children as there are legitimate personality differences between siblings. Genetics certainly plays a part but it is still nurturing that instills the socially acceptable behavior, or fails to do so. I'm no expert either but I certainly know that parenting is not easy.

[john70t]

The sister needs a business overhaul and an accountant. Dad can force that.

Maybe the warehouse is too much $$, and she needs to downsize or sublet space (long term storage).
Maybe a different employee scenario. Part time or 2 less.
Maybe diversify with other income.
Either that or expand the business pronto.

[Rinty]

Originally Posted by Apollo

My Dad has caved. At 78 and not loaded, he is going to stump up 12K.

This is too bad.

As insolvency specialists say: "your first loss is your best loss."

[Head416]

Your sister is a crappy person. Your parents help her because she's incapable of surviving on her own. You're the reaponsible one, which means you get the short end of the stick.

Get over it. My wife has the same problem in her family. You aren't going to have your parents for much longer and it would be a shame to let this create resentment between you and them. Don't fight with them.

Also, this $12k won't be the last time they waste money on her.

[DanielDudley]

Originally Posted by Head416

You aren't going to have your parents for much longer and it would be a shame to let this create resentment between you and them. Don't fight with them.
.

Good point.

[sc_rufctr]

Originally Posted by Apollo

My Dad has caved. At 78 and not loaded, he is going to stump up 12K. Hung up on mother who said to me "We are doing this for our own reasons" I said "What reasons? we know them all and its a disaster. Good luck getting the 12K back" Mum:" Your just flying blind-you don't know everything"
" What don't I know? I know enough" -click

You need to back away from this. You're father has made a decision and you need to respect that.
You're sister may never sort out her issues but at the end of the day her issues are not yours.

[Apollo]

Originally Posted by sc_rufctr

You need to back away from this. You're father has made a decision and you need to respect that.
You're sister may never sort out her issues but at the end of the day her issues are not yours.

Thanks-understand this-but being hard headed to family members is very difficult.
Dad has has spoken to the owner of the property. He was told the total debt is $16,700
(not 12K) extra is penalties and legals for breaking lease. Dad asked what was the bottom line- She responded 10K and they keep the bond (4K).So the owner has only forgone the penalties and legals. Wife and I are not happy at all with this-too much for Dad and Mum at 78/77. Trying to keep out of it but keep opening my trap and get apoplectic in seconds it seems. I gotta calm down-going to bust a poofo valve

[wdfifteen]

You won't have your parents around too many more years. Support whatever they want, make nice with your parents, deal with your sister in the future. The most I would do is ask your father to put any assistance he gives her in the form of a loan, not a gift.

[zelrik911]

Originally Posted by Apollo

Thanks-understand this-but being hard headed to family members is very difficult.
Trying to keep out of it but keep opening my trap and get apoplectic in seconds it seems. I gotta calm down-going to bust a poofo valve

Yes this is the best action. Your sis is taking advantage of your parents, but if you interfere too much YOU will be blamed for 'breaking up the family' and causing lots of grief to your parents - and the original cause will be forgotten!

This happened to me. My sis & her new husband were taking advantage of my elderly mother, I spoke up & wouldnt compromise and mom died unhappy. After that, it all became my fault!!! Family split forever, I can live with it but its hard for my wife and the younger generation.

PS: I recently found out that my sis (now ex-sis!) is borrowing from my disabled brother & there is no way that she could ever pay him back!

[john70t]

Sister needs to understand she is taking medical care away from her parents.
She also needs long-term help with the business.
For herself, and her kids.
It is a survival thing.

Empathy and a long talk together is the way to handle this.
No hate or blame whatsoever.
Keep it positive.
"Ok, you've got a money mess now. Mistakes were made. How do we fix it from here?"