Conversations with the Wife.
 

Having been recruited into anchoring the tape measure to hang prints in the hallway.

Wife: "Hold the end against the corner for me and I'll measure it out."
Me: "OK"
Wife (walking down the hall with the measure): "We need 2 meters, 24. Are we there yet?"
Me: "Well, at my end it says zero".

Wife: Happy Anniversary
Me: Yeah, I can't believe I've put up with your s*** for fifteen years
Wife: (with a horrified voice) is that all it's been

Gotta love a woman who is fluent in sarcasm

GF bought some motorcycling gloves online from Revzilla. We were a little concerned about the fit.

As she tried them on I asked how do they fit? With a big grin on her face she said "They fit like a glove."

My wife and I are both detail OCD'ers. There can never be any simple task in or around our household with-out initial consultation, planning, staging, then hopefully execution. Something a s simple as hanging a picture requires from concept to completion on the scale of a middle-Eastern invasion

But to chalk one up for the wife...
She asked me:
"You look like a man lost"
I asked:
"Do you want to know what I am thinking?"
She exclaimed:
"No. Your mind is a dangerous place"

I could hold her at fault for asking the initial question, since she knew the answer all along, but I decided not to push the point. I was just proud she knew the punchline!

Just this afternoon;
My wife decided she was going to help mow the lawn. She got on the mower and rode around a while, then came in and told me the blades were set too high. I went out to look, and she had been "mowing" without the blade clutch engaged. I reminded her that she had to engage the blade clutch in order to cut grass.
Her - "I bet you think I'm stupid, don't you."
Me - "Umm ..."
Her - "I've been under a lot of stress."
Me - "I know sweetheart, it could happen to anyone." (trying unsuccessfully not to laugh)
Her - "You *******." (laughing)
We end up laughing so hard we can't stop.
I love this woman.

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my wife is..well you know.

if i ask her to help me check my blindspot:

"honey, is it clear?"

"yes..(pause) ..there's a car there, you're not clear"

lessoned learned..

A follow up to said hanging picture:

"You get the level"
"Both?"
"No, no need for the laser, just the stick"
"I got the tape (measuring)"
"That one's not long enough"
"It is if we're measuring vertically"
"But we need to measure length"
"So I'll get the big one"
"Should it go here or here?"
" I like it there"
" Me - not so much"
" Prolly should use expanding drywall screws"
"No, they won't hold, need to use the more aggressive cork-screw kind"
" No, they leave too large a hole when removed"
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Girl Friend years ago: If you don't drink any more tonight, you might get LUCKY.

ME: The operative word is MIGHT. I'm going with a sure thing; I'll have a drink and upgrade to a DOUBLE...

My friends that have heard the story talk it about it 25 years later....

Her "There's subtitle in this movie"

Me 'Adjust the volume higher, it will be ok!"

her"ok"

Repost, but my favourite 'conversation with wife':

She (returning from shopping trip): I think there's something wrong with my car.
Me: Why?
She: Whenever it rains, the yellow light on the dashboard keeps flickering on and off.
Me: That's a worry, which light?
She: The one with the exclamation sign and the curvy arrow.
Me: Does it tend to happen when you're going around corners?
She: Yeah, it does! How'd you know?
Me: That's the traction control....


SmileWavy

My wife calling about car problems:

She: Hey the car is running funny and there are a couple of lights on the dash
Me: Which ones are they?
She: I don't know, one is red
Me: What do they look like?
She: One is a picture of a house with a chimney and wavy lines.
Me:...?
She: The other one is a yellow dot next to a gauge with a thermometer.
Me: How high is the gauge?
She: All the way up.
Me: How long has it been like this?
She: At least a few miles now, but I'm almost home.
Me: Well the car is screwed anyway, might as well get it in the garage.

What happened was, a (plastic) radiator fitting sheared off so it quickly ran out of coolant and gave her a red picture of a house on the dash.
https://www.volvoclub.org.uk/faq/Ima...oolantLamp.gif
The temperature gauge pegged and the car overheated, and when I replaced the radiator all that was left was about one measuring cup worth of coolant. I have no idea how the car survived, but 7 years later it's still fine.

I dropped my wife off at Tire Man in Thousand Oaks to pick up her car after getting new tires for her 997. When she got in she saw the invoice on the front seat...$1800+. She got home and confronted me with her serious face and said...

Wife: "$1800 for tires! Is that what you're spending on those race car tires that get dropped off every month!!!???"
Me: "Not even close Baby. Race car tires don't have any tread or steel belts, and don't require DOT approval. They're only good for one weekend, not 30,000 miles. They're cheap".
Wife: "Oh, that makes sense"

Once again, all was well on the home front.

oh boyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Wow. I wouldn't and couldn't lie to my wife like that.

I will bet that twice or more of the posters wives on here could tell better stories!
It's an area that they excel in...not us. :)

I'm too slow to even understand that lie.


Sent via Jedi mind trick.

A friend's wife was taking pictures at our going away party in CA and she had a Canon A series camera and it wasn't rotating the pictures in the view screen and she was complaining. I told her she was using gravity wrong and she said Oh.

A friends wife... VERY good looking so I guess she doesn't need brains.

We were on a skiing trip and she put her hand out the car window and said "Oh no, it's really windy - won't be any good for skiing." A short while later she looked at the speedo and said "40 liters, a short time ago it said 80 liters, we're not going to make it there."