My dad is in hospice. He has been given 2 weeks.

[LEAKYSEALS951]

So-
I received a call (that in some sense) I have been waiting on for over 23 years.

My father is going to die soon, and the doctors have given him 2 weeks.

This seems to be a common theme on ppot (in one way or another). The passing of the parents.

My father got remarried, and his new wife called with the news. The family dynamic is dysfunctional at best, and surprise, she and I have had our differences. That doesn't really matter now. She is planning the funeral now (as per her words)- "before she loses it and is worthless." I completely understand.

She said she had planned a simple funeral (as per my father's request) and asked if I wanted to say anything at it.

In truth, there is a lot I want to say, however, I don't know if I will be able to contribute much. I don't even know if I could keep myself together.

I post this now not wishing condolence or support. Like all ppot topics, I look for advice.

You are a smart bunch.

Did you all speak at your parent's funeral?

Sincerely,
Ron

[look 171]

I am so sorry to hear this. I know exactly how you feel. I lost my dad about 10 months ago. I held up ok at the funeral, because I had to take care of mom. He went back into the hospital, for two weeks and slowly slipped away. Go spend time with him. So sorry.

Jeff

[LakeCleElum]

Ron - Very sorry to hear this. I have no words, but:
Yes, spoke at my mothers funeral a year ago. She was 87 and passed from Alezheimers. Didn't know who I was the last few years. I kept my words short and told a few old stories, as did others.

Regarding Hospice, I work with them a lot in my part-time retirement job (today even). They are true heros in my book. A good hospice nurse can predict the end within a few hours. Be sure to thank them.

Best of luck.

[SoCal911T]

Originally Posted by LEAKYSEALS951

Did you all speak at your parent's funeral?

Next Saturday will be the one year anniversary of my Mom's funeral. I originally had said I wouldn't speak because I didn't think I could keep it together. When all the other friends and family started taking their turns at speaking, I decided I had things to say. It went great except for choking up a little at the end.
Go for it!

[rwest]

So sorry to hear this, be strong.

I think speaking will help give you closure and also be comforting to others at the funeral.

[rattlsnak]

You'll only get this one chance to speak. Don't regret it later. Do it..

[pavulon]

I think it is cathartic to speak. Speak for you from you. Be honest but if required, as kind as possible. Let it flow as it is literally your public farewell to your father.

[pwd72s]

I didn't speak...nobody criticized me. It was obvious I couldn't...

[Ferraripete]

My thoughts are with you and family. Hang in there.

[Baz]

Good evening Ron......

Thank you for posting this. I am very sorry to hear this news about your father.

I spoke at my maternal grandmother's service and had a hard time getting through it - but I have never regretted doing it - because I cared for her so much.

If you care for your father - and I know you do - you should put something down on paper and read it. It will not be easy - but if it were - it wouldn't mean so much.

I read the 21st Psalm - and plan to do the same when the time comes for my mother.

Take care and stay strong, my friend....

[Oracle]

Almost a year ago I lost my Dad..
I didn't say anything.. Just couldn't and nobody thought any less of me.. I did thank everyone personally for attending the funeral.

super hard but if you have someone by your side is infinitely better..

Sorry for your Dad..

[recycled sixtie]

Hi Ron, sorry to hear about your father. My father was 52 when he passed and I was 21 at the time. No I did not say anything about my father in terms of a speech as the funeral service was very small.

Now my mother passed age 94 five years ago. Yes I stood up at the end of the church service and talked about my mother's life and achievements. Yes it was well worth it to do that. Probably about 50 people attending.

If you can find the courage to stand up and say some positive things about your dad it will help you and also remind the audience of what your dad has achieved.

Cheers, Guy

[Crowbob]

When my mom passed, my sister and I specifically asked the priest not to ask us to get up and say anything. I knew I wouldn't be able to, probably the same with my sister. He did anyway. He actually stared me down waiting for me to get up to speak. I went through an unimaginable range of emotions with about a hundred people sitting behind us, as you can imagine.

My kids got up and said some very heartfelt things and a few funny stories for which I will always be grateful-and very proud.

Over a span of a couple years I'd lost my father, my brother, my best friend and my mother. I'm pretty sure the attendees had no problem with my not eulogizing-again.

[MMiller]

My family and I went through this in 2015....it is tough and I'm sorry it's your time. My Mom is still struggling with losing her husband of 60 years.

I spoke, had something written down in case I needed it. It was hard but I think my mom really wanted me to. Speak or don't speak, do what you're comfortable with, either way it won't change how much you loved your dad.

Best to you and your family.

[vash]

I spoke. I made a mess of it.

[Danimal16]

Go be with him.

[scottmandue]

I have gone through this with both parents and a brother.
With my {middle} brother many of his friends got up and spoke so I got a pass, he was a super popular guy (I am the youngest of three sons)
Dad passed, the oldest brother threw a huge event, I got a pass.
Mom passed last year, I expected oldest brother to handle it, but he let it slide so I got together with our pastor and we had a small memorial. My parents were a cornerstone of that church for +50 years so no shortage of speakers.

I wanted to speak... I'm mildly musical so wanted to sing a song... but didn't happen.

No one thought less of me (or at least they didn't say anything).

What I do feel good about is that for their last few years I spend time with them at least once a week, IMHO spending time with them while they are here is much more important that speaking at a ceremony after they are gone.

YMMV

[steveo12345]

When I knew my dad was dying I wrote him a letter expressing my feelings, all positive, because my dad was an awesome guy. It was easier for me to express my feelings that way. I also had a few awesome talks with him after I wrote the letter and was with him when he passed. I found out later that he shared the letter with a few other family members. When he passed I was asked if I would be ok with the letter being read at his "celebration of life" ceremony. I was OK with that because I knew as much as I wanted to speak at the event there is no way I could hold it together enough to do that. It was more important for me to express my feelings to my father more than anyone else. However funerals are for those those left behind, not the ones who are passed. Do what your heart tells you and have no regrets.

[RKDinOKC]

Personally did the primary care for both my Father and Mother. Dad basically gave up, and Mom had a stroke and dementia. Just tried to make what time they had left as comfortable as possible. Did my mourning when they were gone mentally which was well before they passed. Don't think I could have handled taking care of them otherwise.

As far as I was concerned the funeral didn't matter. Nobody came to help when them were alive so who cares what those people, including siblings thought or said after they passed.

Dad really got everyone at his funeral. He had asked to have an Evangelist to speak at his funeral. The Evangelist did a 45 minute sermon that had nothing to do with Dad even though they had been friends AND had an alter call at the end. Never been to a funeral with an alter call.

Older brother had only his pastor speak at Mom's funeral. The pastor had never even met Mom and only said things to make my brother feel good.

[JavaBrewer]

Losing my father, whom I did not have the best relationship with, was very difficult for me. He passed Dec '16 and I am still struggling. Strange because I had so much resentment, and he was majorly dismissive of me, my wife, and worst, his only grandchildren. I would trade it all back to find a way to get him back into our lives if possible. He was a fantastic father in my younger years.

So back on topic, a funeral? We had no such thing for my father. He was in his early 80's and his friends were either passed or removed. My Mom, now approaching 81, wants nothing to do with a service when it is her time. I am 55, my wife is 52, we both insist on no service. Family, the only true loving in your life, matter. They will work it out in their own way. When I pass I want zero notification, those that reach out mean something to the survivors. Let them update the situation.

Likely a very unpopular view but I am being honest.