dear center console: bite my shiny metal azz

sand_man · 09-11-2008, 04:17 AM

Quote:

Dear 1987 Porsche 930 Center Console,

I think it's better for us both, if I just cut to the chase. It's been said that honesty is the best policy and the truth will set you free. As such, allow me to be direct. GOOD RIDDANCE! GOOD BYE! AUF WIEDERSEHEN! ADIOS! ADIEU! I hated you! I despised your lack of utility. You didn't make my car go faster or stop quicker! In fact, my darling, all you ever did was clutter and complicate my life!!!! For the last four years, you've used your charms - your crappy plastic dials and buttons - to cast a spell on me. I was hypnotized and powerless in your presence! You should have been destroyed when I removed the A/C! Yet I kept you on. I cared for you. I dusted and polished you. And you never even gave me the "reach around"!!!!! It took the curiosity of my eleven year old son to finally snap me out of it:

Son: "dad, what is that thing for?"
Me: "Good question, son...I think it's there for looks. Try not to stare it it...it knows we're talking about it!"
Son: "dad, I thought you hated that sort of thing!?!"
Me: "Yeah, I do."
Son: "I bet it would look better without it!"
Me: "I bet it would..."

Like a draft dodger burning his card in protest of the war...a woman-liber torching her bra for equal rights...an angry mob pummeling the flaming effigy of a hated politician...I'M FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST....MY GAWD, I'M FREE AT LAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sincerely,
Bender
PS:
Please say hello to your cousins: air injection system, A/C, heat, rear wiper, large breasted bumper teets, ugly cyclops brake light thingy, factory John Deer steering wheel, door buzzer, and all of those other goodies on the Island of Misfit Porsche Parts that I've been saving for the next weirdo that may wish to re-install them.

As you can see, the hazard and defrost buttons are tucked into the carpet in front of the shifter, on the floor. This is only temporary...I have a small bracket that I'm making to mount them under the dash. The central locking was relocated next to my seat here:

Reaper930 · 09-11-2008, 05:04 AM

Welcome to the club buddy! But really....central locking? If you don't have A/C............but we're super proud of you that you finally saw the light and ditched the console.

But that radio.....you could always go for a small XM receiver and ditch the heavy head unit......just a thought.....GO SANDMAN!

sand_man · 09-11-2008, 05:14 AM

As for the head unit (radio), it's actually a pretty nice Kenwood with a removable face plate. It's not nearly as large as the picture would have you believe. Most of that is a bezel put there to help fill the hole from the factory system. As you can see, I didn't have the face plate on...I don't listen much to the radio! LOL!

As for the central locking, without knowing what would happen if certain parts of the wiring harness were removed, I was trying to keep as much together as possible. My fear is that there would be some impact with Porsche's BS alarm system....that BTW is next. I found some instructions for properly disabling it.

As for the heater control, I'd like to remove it, but I'm not sure what's lurking under there, and how my E-brake would look.

sand_man · 09-11-2008, 05:15 AM

Next up:
-Rennline perforated floor boards
-AppBiz RSR door panels

Reaper930 · 09-11-2008, 05:22 AM

Sounds like you have some great plans! And please don't feel like i'm picking on ya

If we never push each other we'd all still have consoles!

As for the ebrake.......I'm going the rubber-string-rubber approach...weight=evil

Kudos for planning to attack the alarm system/electrical...that's one area i'm scared to death of.

Reaper930 · 09-11-2008, 05:27 AM

1 more thing where did you get that shift knob? Daddy like daddy like!

sand_man · 09-11-2008, 05:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reaper930

Sounds like you have some great plans! And please don't feel like i'm picking on ya

If we never push each other we'd all still have consoles!

As for the ebrake.......I'm going the rubber-string-rubber approach...weight=evil

Kudos for planning to attack the alarm system/electrical...that's one area i'm scared to death of.

Oh yeah...no worries Reaper. I didn't mean to sound deffensive! It is often difficult to have a contructive conversation via the interweb

! But you are right, from the pictures, that receiver looks large enough to control the space shuttle!!!!

sand_man · 05:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reaper930

1 more thing where did you get that shift knob? Daddy like daddy like!

Oh that. It came off of my 917 daily driver.

KIDDING, OF COURSE!
I think I learned about it from this thread:
917 Shift Knob Redux

rsrmike · 09-11-2008, 05:48 AM

Nice job!! Why is it so much fun to rip 80% of the comfort features out of these cars??

I dunno, I love to "simplify" them myself

You should have a rubber boot around your handbrake under the heater control unit. If not, you can backdate it w/ non-auto-heat unit

I think there are (4) 4mm allen screws to remove it. There will be a ball socket on a lever that needs to be disconnected. Each side of the heater control has a little access "door" making it a little easier

It's really easy to work on w/ the pass seat removed...

As for the door locks, I would leave them alone. You can bypass the alarm part but there is a separate control unit for the door locks. If you notice when you lock your car, there should be no mechanical action "locking" the doors. It is only the unlock feature that is mechanical. The locks rely on the actualtors to "lock" but will unlock w/ the key.

You can try to lock it with the battery disconnected to make sure I'm not full of *****, the 89 I was playing with this weekend functions this way, I think yours does too

There is more than one plug if I remember

sand_man · 09-11-2008, 06:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rsrmike

Nice job!! Why is it so much fun to rip 80% of the comfort features out of these cars??

I dunno, I love to "simplify" them myself

You should have a rubber boot around your handbrake under the heater control unit. If not, you can backdate it w/ non-auto-heat unit

I think there are (4) 4mm allen screws to remove it. There will be a ball socket on a lever that needs to be disconnected. Each side of the heater control has a little access "door" making it a little easier

It's really easy to work on w/ the pass seat removed...

As for the door locks, I would leave them alone. You can bypass the alarm part but there is a separate control unit for the door locks. If you notice when you lock your car, there should be no mechanical action "locking" the doors. It is only the unlock feature that is mechanical. The locks rely on the actualtors to "lock" but will unlock w/ the key.

You can try to lock it with the battery disconnected to make sure I'm not full of *****, the 89 I was playing with this weekend functions this way, I think yours does too

There is more than one plug if I remember

Thanks Mike! I agree it is fun to remove the shizzle!!! I need a new garage, just to store the stuff I've taken off!

I had a feeling about the "central locking", and that's why I chose to leave it alone. It seems prone to flakey behavior, at times.

I might just have to remove the heater control and have a looksee under there!

slow&rusty · 09-11-2008, 06:56 AM

Sandy - For an IT guy your writing skillz are incredible. You had me in stitches there buddy, I think you are in the wrong profession, I can see you being a writer for Family Guy...

I did not realize you got rid of your A\C and heat! I always thought about using that center console as a neat place to house some sexxxy gauges. Awww..what the heck do I know.

Over 'n'out
Stu-weee

DDDD · 09-11-2008, 06:58 AM

QUOTED FOR TRUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love removing anything that doesn't make the car go faster...

The sad part which I sort of don't get is why the next owner will ALWAYS wants to put all the **** back in the car???? Murphy's law?

Seems like such a contradiction that half the people want to rip this stuff out of the car and the other half seems obsessed with this notion of "STOCK" or "FACTORY", putting everything back exactly like it was. OF COURSE THEY NEVER PUT THE FACTORY 1976 PLAID SEAT COVERINGS BACK IN........DO THEY??????????

Reaper930 · 09-11-2008, 08:05 AM

I was thinking about the "tartain plaid" for the 935 lollipop seats before i got the GT3's..........

The camps are divided because you have the "the factory did it right the first time" guys, then you have the guys that follow the Porsche Motorsport Church of Light (Weight).....two opposite camps but one big family

That's why I love Porsche

sand_man · 09-11-2008, 08:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reaper930

I was thinking about the "tartain plaid" for the 935 lollipop seats before i got the GT3's..........

I dig the plaid/tartan look on the lollipop seats:

NathanUK · NathanUK's Garage

Sand, when I got to the PS I burst out laughing hehe.

I actually like the look of the plaid, very smart and classic for the 911.

My 930 has no centre console and I like it that way. I would have ditched the one in my carrera but it has the immobiliser receptacle mounted in it

As for central locking both my cars had it and now none of them do. I simply unplugged the electric actuators and possibly removed them (I forget now). I know they certainly weighed bugger all.

Oh, btw, my mum just told me that plaid is gonna be the fashion for autumn/winter this year

krasuskyp · 09-11-2008, 12:26 PM

Bender-

Funniest Post of the Year Award to you. That and a shiny nickel, will get you... absolutely nothing.

Amen!, me brutha, AMEN!

Too funny.

I'm striving to catch up to you in creating my own Island of Misfit Toys... I mean... useless parts.

Keep up the good work, tx for the laugh and keeping the board real... I'll strive to keep up witchyou in dat dept. too - biatch! 8-)

sand_man · 09-11-2008, 12:38 PM

'rusty and Paul, thanks for the support!!! Soon there really won't be ANY 100% stock 930s left to be found, and potential buyers will have to pony up the big bucks even for the modded cars!

wcc · 09-11-2008, 02:54 PM

Very nice Sandman! I ditched the center console in my old '85 Carrera, and the '78 SC didn't come with one. Dare I say this, but I'm not done trying to get decent AC in the 930 for those few hot days so I haven't given up on the console yet.

A930Rocket · 09-11-2008, 05:12 PM

Ditched mine a few years ago along with the radio. Moved the AC and hazards button to the radio location. Uplugged the door lock switch and put it on the shelf. Pulled the carpet off the tunnel while I was at it.

You can remove the auto heat control and replace it with an early handbrake that has the manual heat lever. Right now, I just pull up on what's left of the heater control lever.

RarlyL8 · RarlyL8's Garage

Someone has a stock 930? Really?

Light is good, no doubt about that.
I searched for 2 years before the stripper '78 SC came to me. Factory delete car with no A/C, no power anything and no sunroof. Also had no center console. I was actually surprised that you could get such a simple car. As time goes on I would like to have at least some of those options; functional A/C is high on the list.
I actually added a 930 console to my car to house the clock that now houses the boost gage. The console weighs maybe a pound? I can live with that, ha!