I think I know what you mean. I have a whole bunch of semi friends that only ever get in touch when they want a prescription and expect it to be a freebee.

I will help anyone in true need - I volunteer locally a lot.

It is those that try and take advantage of me that become irritating.

I have a lot of equipment I do not mind lending for local efforts. A few months ago a guy I know pretty well asked to borrow my dump trailer. I thought it was personal use.

Nope.

He priced a job and needed my trailer to move 9 tons of 3/4 river rock. I found out afterward and was pissed.

i vote you dont overthink it.

go with your gut instead of some hard set of rules. rely on the instinct that living on this planet for 62 years has gotten you.

i try to be helpful for the most part. i dont know why..i am not that nice. i dont generally "love" people. it's weird. some folks just need help..

case by case basis.

for example. i hate wednesdays. :)

why? it's garbage take out day. i go thru my home, empty all the cans and drag my bins out to the curb. triple clean the litter box. it doenst end there. i go up the block and pull out the elderly folks cans. 3 homes. (1 passed away and fell off the list). one lady asked..my neighbor. no problem. she talked. other old ladies asked.

i dont LOVE doing it, but it is no skin off my back. it's easy. i'm actually stressed about my upcoming vacation..who will do it? and that annoys the eff out of me..it really isnt my problem. but i wear that stress.

Yup, that's why I don't have friends.
That and because I'm a DH!!

Those people will never get that.

We have "friends" and the wife just invited herself to stay at our house, have my wife pick her up from the airport and drive her back the next morning, and tried to get my wife to go out of the way to get something to take back to her family. All of this so she could save a buck on her trip.

A couple of days before this transpired the husband sends a group text and tells us to 'take care of my frau'. NO thank you, kiss my a s s, or anything. No bottle of wine. NO gas money. NOthing. Just takers.

I'm finished with them.

I've also seen this from the other side. The wife's uncle is an attorney. For years and years whenever he would do work for the family trust, family members, etc, he would send a bill. I sat by and watched my in-laws and others get extremely worked up...how dare he send a bill, even one with a discount.

Guy has to eat too but they don't see it that way. He can also count it as a business loss if they don't pay but that is beyond them as well.

Just because you have a license, skill, or whatever, does not make you the family guy, friend, or neighbor for that thing, especially for free.

I understand and agree with not wanting to be taken advantage of. Selfish people suck and it seems like the whole world has taken the "hooray for me and to H3ll with everyone else" attitude. We even see it in some of the threads here.

I would suggest you take the wisdom you have gotten from the bad deals and make an adjustment rather than nuke being kind and giving. Start with #2 and you will have solved 90% of your concern. Make a mental list of the takers and be just a little more discerning when a new person shows up. This way you can hold your head up that you took the high road and kept the class average higher.

Don't let a root of bitterness take hold of your life. You'll end up just being angry at everything and everyone. Remember that being bitter is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick.

I struggle with this sometimes too. Some folks drop off a car and I work on it, they pick it up and leave me payment. Other folks want to help/watch/talk and then pack up and leave. Friends? Sometimes I'm not sure. I've been helped a lot over the years and think I should pay that back when I can. Sometimes though.... Some booze, a thank you or some acknowledgement of me helping makes my day. Sometimes I feel used.

http://forums.pelicanparts.com/suppo...leys/pint1.gif

In our business most clients have a specific project and we accommodate whatever they need us to do and we bill them appropriately. Some of the clients then keep asking for just a little more of our time to tweak the data again or in a different projection or coordinate system. It is just computer time at that point so no big deal in their mind. Good clients get that service from us happily. The one that take 60 to 90 days to pay, well they get billed for everything.

We don't do freebies. We explain to all the clients, we don't do this as a hobby or for fun, we do it to make money.

LMAO!!

I was wondering what you were on about in the AC thread.

I missed this.

Welcome to the club brother. When you have a marketable trade everyone wants a hookup from you, and when you need one back. Bend over.

I am too nice, the guy in my AC story, hooked him up multiple times, no bill for his personal home, when he needed me to create a plot plan for his addition, when he added a new driveway etc...

When his sister, a single mom purchased a house, I hooked her up for free, and even updated it years later for free when she refinanced.

When his dad needing one, hooked up.

When I needed some AC work he ripped me off and did a half ass job installing which caused my house to flood and recently the compressor, which was not secured correctly vibrated itself apart.

What little he may have reduced in his charges is gone in repair costs.

Same goes for family, they want me to work for them for free and in a rush, I need something in return (one relative is an electrician) and they are too busy to help.

My new rule, I use contractors I do not know but seem honest. This was if something goes south, I do not feel guilty hammering them.

I do not do free work or discount work for anybody, I am now "too busy" to help.

If you want me to work for you at full price I will be happy to help you, I am not in business anymore to give my work away to friends and family I never hear from unless they want something.

I have exceptions, there are a select few people I will still help and that list is VERY VERY small.

I always bent over forwards. It made it easier for them. :D

I do get your point, but when I do someone a solid and they appreciate it, it lessens the pain of being taken advantage of now and then.

Ive learned this lesson in a spectacular fashion in the last few years:

1) No more Mr. nice guy!
I no longer accept dishonesty/abuse/taken advantage of/ and those are often presented as something else in disguised, so nor am any longer nearly as willing to give the benefit of the doubt.

Ive never been a pushover, yet I realize that I've squandered my good nature. I left it all over the landscape for other people to trample. I now realize that I have a special gift of good nature and compassion. I have to protect that so that it doesn’t get taken advantage of.

I heard this the other day:
"Maybe a man is better man when he is a dangerous man who is being good, than he would be if he was just a good man who wasn’t capable of being dangerous."

Lots to ponder going forward...but don't cross me.

I have many stories of giving and receiving nothing in the form of gratitude.
I'm one who, if you do something for me, I'm going to either do something for you in return or I'll gift you as close to in-kind as possible.
.
An excellent example - someone else - a huge disappointment:
.
So I'm on the phone (our second chat) with an absolute stunner of a woman from Match.com.
She's telling me about a girlfriend of hers who's been mysteriously unavailable lately.
Seems that the stunner had a hip replacement a year past and asked her friend to come live with her and care take her during her recovery.
Shop for her, cook meals, clean house, transport her, etc.
And now the stunner has to have some other procedure done and has requested that her friend participate in the same fashion again.
The stunner is perplexed as to why her friend is not returning her calls, etc.
.
I say, "That's a very special friend to extend herself to you like that. A great favor. I'd be forever grateful. Did you do anything for her in return?"
.
"Not that I can think of. What do you mean?"
.
I say, "Did you send her a thank you card, take her out to dinner, buy her a bottle of Champagne, give her a dinner gift card at a nice restaurant,...anything like that?"
.
"Oh, I don't think any of that was necessary."
.
I say, "If you treated me that way I'd be unavailable as well."
.
She was speechless. I was off the phone with her within minutes.
.
A bummer...she was a looker...but totally unconscious.

It is my view, either free, or full price.

No discounts.

Before I got into construction a good friend was doing some remodel work on my home. I asked him what something would cost and once told said "awk... you're screwing me blind!" (jokingly). His reply, "Screw your friends because your enemies won't let you get close enough"

Baz, If you're anything at all like me, you'll say you're done and when someone says "hey man, I could use your help" you'll be in the truck and on your way.
A country song comes to mind that sums it up for me, Find out who your friends are by Tracy Lawrence:
You find out who your friends are
Somebody's gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car
Hit the gas get their fast
Never stop to think 'what's in it for me?' or 'it's way too far.'
They just show on up with their big old heart
You find out who you're friends are

Ive found it better to offer my help outside of my trade. Then it does not feel so much like work that I did not get paid for.
I like to small construction things, pulling my nieghbors out of ditches when they are stuck, mow lawns for the widow behind me , snow plow a few driveways here and there. It feels good. I sleep better at night knowing I helped someone out in need .
There are some freaking leeches , I will tell ya though.
If I still have physical abilities left when I retire, I am going to volunteer with habitat for humanity
I have a friend who runs some sort of co op where they do work on homes of mostly elder people, or people who are unable to for free . I would love to do something like this.
I have done so much free car work over the years, I could probably retire if I could collect on it all .
I do have this one guy who is always doing things for me, and I find it hard to keep up. I like to pay my debts back .

There was a time when I didn’t have many friends. Then I bought a pickup and I soon had several friends. Then I bought a trailer for my pickup and I had even more friends. Then I bought a chainsaw and I had so many friends I didn’t have time to keep the truck up or the trailer lights working or the chains sharpened. That really pissed my friends off.

Lot of big boy talk here. I don't believe much of it because I face customers every day and if you're going to be a hard ass, they will find someone else for the next job.

Now listen to this: advertising works wonders if you live in a large enough demographic and spend enough. That's typically around 8 to 10% of your gross sales. Too rich for you? Then you need referrals from clients you've landed from ads or word of mouth. Either one cuts the cost of each lead down considerably.

Enough said. You give a little, take what's fair and be polite, on time and clean. Maybe the undertaker can be firm with his sale$ under the given circumstances, but give someone with enough time to evaluate what's going down and they will usually make the right decision for them.

Try having a bunch of Bobcats around and a truck and trailer to haul them. Friends will come out of the woodwork. "Hey man, can I borrow one of those?"