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Funny sayings

My uncle had a bunch of funny sayings and notions, too.

He thought baseball would be livelier if the batter could run to whatever base he wanted after a hit. He couldn't see anything wrong with that.

Had a whole catalogue of bird breeds, like the "pink throated nut scratcher" and more.

My sister told me of another one of his which I hadn't heard. If he knew a word with a silent "P" he wouldn't say as in PNEUMONIA as most people would, instead he'd say silent P as in "swimming".

He said he had a friend who invented a soft drink "one-up, and two-up, all the way to six-up" then quit because it wasn't a success. I know it's an old joke, but we would roar with laughter at that one. I miss him.

And so on, maybe you've heard all these from your uncles, anyway back to the Gin.

Thanks for lookin'
Old 09-11-2018, 01:28 PM
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"You know, ten out of two people are dyslexic."

("Small world.") "Yeah, but I wouldn't want to paint it."

"With friends like that, who needs enemas."
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Old 09-11-2018, 01:39 PM
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If I were you, and I'm glad I'm not .......
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Old 09-11-2018, 02:05 PM
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Funny, more like annoying.

Around here some people say "Yeah nah."

WTF, either yes or no.

I guess translated it means "Thanks, but no thank you."
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Old 09-11-2018, 02:21 PM
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Saying "When the devil learns to ice skate " to mean it will never happen.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Best
Les
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Old 09-11-2018, 02:55 PM
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Nod yes and firmly say "no."
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Old 09-11-2018, 03:15 PM
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When you're doing something difficult and someone asks how you're doing you're 'hanging on like a hair in a biscuit'.
Old 09-11-2018, 03:32 PM
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“Man who slide down banister naked get splinter, by cracky!”

“Never trust a fart”

Both belong to my dad.

When I was little and asked my Grandad what was for dinner he always said, “boiled owl and creamed buzzard”. At Thanskgiving after he finished carving the turkey while we all looked on he would exclaim “fire and fall back!”

Good memories.
Old 09-11-2018, 03:39 PM
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A work buddy used to get this from his grandfather.

You know what I like about you kid?
Absolutely nothing.

He had another one too, but I can’t remember it.
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Old 09-11-2018, 07:30 PM
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Old 09-11-2018, 07:46 PM
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Old 09-11-2018, 08:09 PM
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Old 09-11-2018, 08:14 PM
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If you don't have time to do it right the first time, when will you find time to do it a second?
Old 09-11-2018, 08:20 PM
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It'll be legen-waitforit
 
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One of my favourites

Don’t sweat the petty things,
And don’t pet the sweaty things
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Old 09-11-2018, 08:21 PM
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Sign on the wall in the graphics department where I worked...

FOR RUSH JOBS, ADD TWO WEEKS


Another sign in writing/proofreading...

IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER DEATH, YOU SHOULD SEE THIS PLACE AT FIVE O'CLOCK



I know these aren't 'sayings,' I hope to think of a few of those and contribute later.
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Last edited by Heel n Toe; 09-11-2018 at 11:14 PM..
Old 09-11-2018, 11:11 PM
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Had a girlfriend long time ago who was from a very rural upbringing and her late father was a pallet maker. She passed a couple on to me back then:

"It aint the length of the rope, it's how you dangle the bucket." (Hey now.....) and

"Do what you can and let the rough side drag". Now that one made sense from the daughter of a pallet maker, as if you drag a rough piece of wood along the ground eventually it will become smooth. I've used that one as a life lesson.

Dad had his own sayings from long ago such as "tighter than Dick's hatband", but the one he said the most in his final months at age 98, when in conversation I would tell him ".....yeah, I know Dad...." he would say "you might know, but you don't understand" and then later on in the conversation he'd flip it around on me if I said ".....yeah Dad, I understand....." he'd come right back with "you might understand, but you don't know"!
Old 09-11-2018, 11:44 PM
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My Grandma Mabel had one I've used for years, especially driving in the snow
"Hold her Newt, she headin' for the rhubarb".
Old 09-12-2018, 02:35 AM
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Yelled out at a bar with a very bad singer, “shut her down Jeb, she’s pumpin’ mud”.
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Old 09-12-2018, 02:51 AM
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A couple more, these are well known and I've posted before.

"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't tune a fish."

"If we had some ham, we could have ham and eggs, if we had some eggs."

Yogi Berra had a ton of great "sayings" and all were funny and quoted many times over, so I'll refrain on those.
Old 09-12-2018, 02:54 AM
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A guy I used to share a cube with came up with this phrase to describe a problem sort of akin to a Catch-22:

"It's a self-eating watermelon"

I've been trying to learn some German and like the following phrase:

"Ich verstehe nur Bahnhof"

Literally translated it means "I understand nothing but the train station", but it sort of means "I have no idea what's going on" or similar to the American phrase "It's all Greek to me".
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Old 09-12-2018, 03:16 AM
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