Is it normal to still be grieving 6 months after parent’s death?

[cantdrv55]

My mother passed away 6 months ago and not a day goes by that I don’t think about her and feel really sad. Thanksgiving was tough. Christmas will be even harder. I just wasn’t ready to see her go. I guess one is never really ready even though all the signs were there. I took her to the ER but I thought I’d bring her back home after a few hours. She didn’t leave the hospital alive. I guess I’m glad all of us kids and her grandkids got to spend time with her before she passed.

[tabs]

yes.

each persons time frame is different...when it is time for you to move on you will. the first year is tough as you will remember, "Geez last Thxgiving mom was sitting right over there and we were ..." As time goes on the hole where that person stood will be filled in as life goes on, but you will never stop missing that person.

You have to work through all of your feelings about her...that takes time for someone so important in your life as a Mom...If you try and circumvent working through those feelings it will come back and haunt you later...they will not be resolved and they will not go away..

[KFC911]

Can't say....both of mine are getting up there and I haven't dealt with it...yet. You sound like a perfectly normal, loving, son who's still coping....and the holidays are gonna suck...

Time.will...cliche, but true. Think of her....and smile through the tears...be well.

[rwest]

Yes, sadness will be replaced with all the good memories after time.

Not the same by any means, but I lost my little paralyzed dog to cancer two years ago and I think about him almost daily.

Hang in there and maybe do some of the special holiday rituals you used to do with her with other friends and family.

Best,
Rutager

[island_dude]

It took about a year for me to start not feel super sad after my dad passed. He died much younger than he really should have and it hit me very hard. After about a year the pain faded a lot and I was able to have memories with out that stabbing feeling of loss. Give it some more time.

[recycled sixtie]

Yes it is normal to be thinking about the loss of a loved one after six months. I am sorry to hear of your loss. My dad died aged 52 and my mother age 94. I miss them both and still think about my mother every day. Time heals somewhat. I tell my older sister that she is the connection to my deceased mother that I have left. Time to huddle with siblings if you have any.

[flatbutt]

This is certainly a very personal issue. How we grieve is ours alone as individuals. I watched both of my parents suffer for years before they died. That's the part that made me sad. Their release from their pain was a relief from the sorrow I felt due to their suffering and the sorrow I felt due to their passing was eased by the fact that I had so long a time to prepare for their absence. Of course being at their side when they died was a great blessing as well.


Miss them and honor them in your own way, and remember that they really only ever wanted you to be happy.

[Mark Henry]

I had to invoke my dads living will order of no heroic measures, he was brain damaged and would have to live the rest of his days in a nursing home with a feeding tube. Exactly what he didn't want.
That F'ed me up for a long time.

My mom's 90 and has vascular dementia, she has lived with us (in-law apartment) for the last 10 years and she goes into a nursing home this tuesday. Sucks but she has become such a drain on the family, and it's only going to get worse, that it has to be done.
She fell and broke her knee cap a week ago so her admission got jumped up to crises status, everything happening so quick it has everyone upset.

[flatbutt]

Originally Posted by Mark Henry

I had to invoke my dads living will order of no heroic measures, he was brain damaged and would have to live the rest of his days in a nursing home with a feeding tube. Exactly what he didn't want.
That F'ed me up for a long time.

That was an act of love coming from the strong and caring heart of a devoted son.

[rfuerst911sc]

The grieving process is different for everyone there is no single right or wrong . As the old saying goes time heals all wounds . My dad passed away in 1995 and my mom in 2005 and hardly a week goes by where I catch myself thinking about them . I am no longer sad my moments are remembering the good times . I sometimes even ask my dad for guidance on DIY projects .

Is there a family member or close friend you can talk to and confide in ? Sometimes just talking about your feelings is the start of the healing process . Good luck on your journey .

[Mark Henry]

Originally Posted by flatbutt

That was an act of love coming from the strong and caring heart of a devoted son.

Sure didn't feel that way.

[sc_rufctr]

My dad passed 20 years ago. He died young (58)... It took me about 12 months to deal with it but it changed me.
I still think about him now.

[Porsche-O-Phile]

Originally Posted by Mark Henry

Sure didn't feel that way.

That just means it was difficult, not that it was wrong or unheroic or not devoted / loving / compassionate.

I find I’m always my own worst critic and am naturally VERY hard on myself and second-guess myself a lot. Probably a lot of “high functioning” folks like you are like that too.

Give it time and hopefully with the passage of it you’ll realize it was the right call. You may always ask “what if” but there’s no use in speculating. You did the best you could with the information you had. You did exactly as you had been asked to and hopefully will realize that you did the kindest thing anyone could in that situation.

I think about this stuff a lot. My parents are getting up there and not doing so great. There are a couple of dark days coming. I hope I can be so strong as you were if I’m called upon.

[cstreit]

Yes. Especially if that 6 months falls on the holidays.

It’s okay. Let it play out. Talk to someone that knew them about it.

[Tervuren]

I have noticed that people bind to other people in different ways.

People will react to the loss of those binds in different ways.

I would say it is not a bad thing, it means you did care.

I know people who did not care when their mom died, to me that is even sadder.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by flatbutt

This is certainly a very personal issue. How we grieve is ours alone as individuals...

Very true. It is a path we navigate solo.

Both my parents died of cancer, each rather quickly after diagnosis.

My sisters and I had time to prepare and come to grips with the circumstances, which helped me. I am not sure my sisters feel the same way. The oldest in particular is still angry.

My Mother died in 1990...there have been times since then that I feel her loss acutely: Birth of grandchildren, her birthday, certain instances where I wish I could share a moment I know she would have appreciated.

I don't view those times as grieving, just a short period of profound sadness at opportunities lost, a kind, beautiful soul gone too early. I don't think this will ever change nor do I wish it to.

Best, cantdrv55.

[billybek]

My wife lost her mom just over a year ago. After grief counselling for her and my son, they are both doing much better although there are times when they have very sad moments while remembering mom/grandma.
Everyone is different.
My dad turned 90 on Friday. Living with dementia has been tough on him and my mom who until recently was caring for him. While I will be sad when he passes, it truly will be a blessing. A life well lived.

[1975porsche]

Yes! Lost my mother three years ago. Still miss her dearly!😞

[Tobra]

I expect grieving for your parents the rest of your life would be normal, at least some of the time. Mom says holidays are the worst for her.

What if you had a kid die. I know a doctor, his 12 year old daughter died in his arms. Had a bite of a rice crispy treat that had peanut butter, she knew immediately, because, sharp kid, gave herself the shot. Second one that he had right after and it did not work.

I can't imagine.

[DonDavis]

Originally Posted by cantdrv55

My mother passed away 6 months ago and not a day goes by that I don’t think about her and feel really sad.

I don't think you have reason to be concerned. My Mom passed in 2011.
In the time since she left, my emotions have ebbed and flowed. Good and bad, but always there.
At times she's very close to my thoughts and that gives me comfort. Other times...not so much.
Press on , Sir. Lean on us here, when needed.
Strength and Peace to you and yours.

Originally Posted by Mark Henry

I had to invoke my dads living will order of no heroic measures..*snip*...Exactly what he didn't want.

Well done. Certainly not easy, but you did exactly what he DID want. Actions of strong character. But difficult all the same.

Originally Posted by flatbutt

That was an act of love coming from the strong and caring heart of a devoted son.

^+1

Originally Posted by Mark Henry

Sure didn't feel that way.

That's love speaking to you. Strength and Peace.

Originally Posted by Seahawk

Very true. It is a path we navigate solo.

Sure is.

My Dad passed in August. Even with family and friends near, I rarely find peace when I'm with them.
It's the times alone that I process and understand the path.
I'm improving, but it's more like transitioning.

I'm not the man I was in July...and I'm ok with that.