Does your P-car get you p#$$y?

[Stuttgart951]

LOL!

This thread certainly picked up speed!

The "disposable" women are usually acquired with a tag team effort in 10 easy to follow steps. The car has nothing to do with it. Of course the wildlife varries in different parts of the country, but the game is the same.

1.) Identify and target chosen mating partner.

2.) Look over to friend. Nod once in his direction. Nod a second time in the direction of the female(s). Await his nod in return. If the friend does not nod in return and gives you a dirty look, you can assume you've had too much to drink and should stop at this point.

3.) Approach target with care... females are easily freightened and may scatter at the slightest whiff of cheap beer or cologne.

4.) Ask her what her name is, offer to buy her a drink. Whatever she wants, dont get it for her. She has no taste and is ordering something that will make her 'look good.' Advise against it and recommend another 'girl drink' (usually identified by the pink umbrella). NO shots, NO beer, and NO drinks named after human anatomy or the results of that anatomy being touched for prolonged periods of time (this makes you a pig, and even though you are, you dont want her to think that, yet.)

5.) Prepare to explain to her why this drink tastes so much better than what she was going to order after she thanks you for making a wise choice.

6.) Act bashful and thank her after she compliments your eyes.

7.) Hope she has a girlfreind with her at the bar. Intrduce her to your friend.

8.) After the second introduction between your friend and her friend, your buddy will rely on his own abilities to make it look like he is having a good time.

9.) As a result, the targeted female will feel jealous that her friend is getting all the attention and push you to give her more. This can be identified by the "leg touch" the "do you like my necklace" or the "Im not wearing any underwear." The two females will now be in compitition with eachother to see which one of them can get the biggest reaction out of their stalker (guy). Tensions will escalate until clevage depth is being compared and they are paying for YOUR drinks.

10.) Accept their invitation to go back to their place and enjoy the remainder of yoru evening. Comment on how nice the kitchen counter top looks. Watch her sit on it.

And there you have it. Stuttgart's 10 Easy Steps to Acquiring Disposable Women.

DISLCAIMER: Stuttgart951 is not responsible for any handprints, alcohol stained shirts, or black eyes as a result of following the above guidelines.

(Psst - if that doesnt work, just walk in and act like you could care less about women. They will come to YOU.)

Also - Wayne, I agree - a 356 (cab especially) has got to be a chick magnet.

[McDaniel]

At my age....
But the whole thread reminds me of the joke about the Mouse
and the Elephant and the pit in the jungle...

Sigh....I remember those days.

[millzeee]

you need to find the primary target, normally the most minging girl send the kamikazee in (the married guy with nothing to loose) to talk to the primary target, the the wing commanders can follow and hit on the nice girls the squadroom leader will sit back and watch the progress at any time he has the power to abort the mission, you must remember you are a team and must work together

[Milu]

Do threesomes count?

[Patporscheguy]

I am 18 but frankly I wouldn't know, cause my car spends all it's time in the garage in pieces. Forced to cruise in the truck. But my girlfriend says she like it (Fresh paintjob certainly helps).

Pat

[old_skul]

And you people wonder why there aren't any women besides Sarah and IXXI on the forum. Shame on you.

My 911 has never gotten me ahead with women. I've had one leave me partly because I bought it; the next one keyed it twice because she knew I loved it, and the current girlfriend dates me, and I quote, "despite the fact that you have a Porshhh."

Pathetic. You want to get disposable women, get an Escalade and a bag of coke. You want a productive life? Get a partner.

[Joe Bob]

Hey my SC gets me all the babes I will ever need....

[motion]

Jeeez, Mark. I hope this one works out better for you.

[johncj8989]

If women think we Porsche guys are trying to make up for some sort of anatomical deficiency...what must they think of Viper drivers!!!

[widebody911]

I picked up some pu55y just a few nights ago while drivving home. Luckily it didn't hurt the oil cooler or the splitter.

[targa911man]

Originally posted by Wayne at Pelican Parts
This is a funny, almost off-topic thread. Women don't care about cars, but guys think they do.

Posting to this thread requires the utmost discretion, in the event my wife ever hacks my password. First, I have to take issue with Wayne, based on my east coast experience. I am an average looking guy, and I'm not getting any younger. I've had a 240z and have a 325i in addition to the 911, which I've had for a year. Also have a jeep which my son inherited when I got the 911. In the 3 or 4 years I've had the beamer I had one woman approach me in a very friendly manner complimenting me on the car. I had the z for 3 years and didn't get a second glance from any woman. Ditto the jeep. Since I've gotten the 911 I'm older and uglier than I've ever been and I'm getting hit on once a week, usually by women 20-30 years younger than me. I've been married since '77 and did not get the 911 because I thought women would like it (and want me)--I got it because I wanted it . But to be honest, given the reaction of women, I wish I had gotten one, say, 5 years before I met my wife, who I of course would have married eventually anyway because it was fated and I would have realized that all those women I was getting with the 911 were shallow and I could never have had a relationship with one of them as rewarding as with my wife, who, of course, is the love of my life which is why, of course, I don't give the time of day to these shallow women who are hitting on me. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

[jazzbass]

Hey Dan - where are you driving your Carrera? Apparently, I need to spend more time there . Hopefully its not a Targa thing and my 85 Coupe will do just fine. I'm sure my wife won't mind, either.

[Stuttgart951]

LOL Dan!

[targa911man]

Originally posted by jazzbass
Hey Dan - where are you driving your Carrera? Apparently, I need to spend more time there . Hopefully its not a Targa thing and my 85 Coupe will do just fine. I'm sure my wife won't mind, either.

Just cross the river, buddy.

[juanbenae]

motion, i dont think the car is the hole in your swing when it comes to the beaches,,, its your hair do and color. they think you are that nut from behind the plate of baseball games in the 80's. by the way, how did that dumb ace always land those killer seats?

[atlporsche]

LOL @ stuttgart...

glad I'm married...

sjd

[pwd72s]

Ahhh hell! Now that this has been moved to off topic, nobody will read the following, but I'm gonna paste it anyway. I got it from RoninLB, and it sure tells some truths about the male/female relationship in a funny manner:



.. between men and women, as told by the story of
Roger and Elaine:


Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a
woman named Elaine. He
asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a
pretty good time.

A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and
again they enjoy
themselves. They continue to see each other
regularly, and after a while
neither one of them is seeing anybody else. And
then, one evening when
they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine,
and, without really
thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that,
as of tonight, we've
been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine,
it seems like a very
loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I
wonder if it bothers him
that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined
by our relationship;
maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some
kind of obligation that
he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure
I want this kind of
relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a
little more space, so I'd
have time to think about whether I really want us
to keep going the way
we are, moving steadily toward... I mean, where
are we going? Are we
just going to keep seeing each other at this level
of intimacy? Are we
heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a
lifetime together? Am
I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really
even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: So, that means it was...
let's see... February
when we started going out, which was right after I
had the car at the
dealer's, which means... let me check the
odometer... Whoa! I am way
overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it
on his face. Maybe I'm
reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more
from our
relationship, more intimacy, more commitment;
maybe he has sensed, even
before I sensed it, that I was feeling some
reservations. Yes, I bet
that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say
anything about his own
feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm going to have them
look at the
transmission again. I don't care what those morons
say, it's still not
shifting right. And they better not try to blame
it on the cold weather
this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees and
this thing is shifting
like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent
thieves $600.

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't
blame him. I'd be angry,
too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this,
but I can't help the
way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's
only a 90-day
warranty...scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too
idealistic, waiting for a
knight to come riding up on his white horse, when
I'm sitting right next
to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being
with, a person I
truly do care about, a person who seems to truly
care about me. A person
who is in pain because of my self-centered, school
girl romantic
fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a
warranty? I'll give them a
warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it
right up their...

"Roger," Elaine says aloud.

"What?" says Roger, startled.

"Please don't torture yourself like this," she
says, her eyes beginning
to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have...
Oh God, I feel so...
(She breaks down, sobbing.)

"What?" says Roger. "I'm such a fool," Elaine
sobs. "I mean, I know
there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly.
There's no knight,
and there's no horse." "There's no horse?" says
Roger. "You think I'm a
fool, don't you?" Elaine says. "No!" says Roger,
glad to finally know
the correct answer.

"It's just that... it's that I... I need some
time," Elaine says. There
is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast
as he can, tries to
come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up
with one that he
thinks might work. "Yes," he says. Elaine, deeply
moved, touches his
hand. "Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?"
she says. "What way?"
says Roger. "That way about time," says Elaine.
"Oh," says Roger. "Yes."
Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his
eyes, causing him to
become very nervous about what she might say
next, especially if it
involves a horse. At last she speaks. "Thank you,
Roger," she says.
"Thank you," says Roger. Then he takes her home,
and she lies on her
bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until
dawn.

When Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag
of Doritos, turns on
the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in
a rerun of a tennis
match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard
of. A tiny voice in
the far recesses that something major was going
on back there in the
car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he
would ever understand
what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't
think about it.

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend,
or perhaps two of
them, and they will talk about this situation for
six straight hours.
In painstaking detail, they will analyze
everything she said and
everything he said, going over it time and time
again, exploring every
word, expression, and gesture for nuances of
meaning, considering every
possible ramification. They will continue to
discuss this subject, off
and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching
any definite
conclusions, but never getting bored with it,
either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one
day with a mutual
friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before
serving, frown, and
say, "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"

[Joe Bob]

Oh, c'mon.....what HORSESPATOOTIE Moderator sent THIS to off topic?

Bet his Dad was a TV censor in the 70s......Puuuuhllllleeeeeze......

[jazzbass]

And Roger is thinking: And I'm going to have them
look at the
transmission again. I don't care what those morons
say, it's still not
shifting right. And they better not try to blame
it on the cold weather
this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees and
this thing is shifting
like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent
thieves $600.

ROFL!!! This is my personal favorite part, esp since I drive a car with a 915. Good stuff, thanks.

[Imindiguise]

The p-car helps get attention of course.
But I'm a retired womanizer now.
I made a bar chart by ethnicity and I was almost frightened---mainly by the number of filipinos in the thing, and I don't even date filipinos.

The p-car is just an enhancer--something akin to when I was coerced into E (.."don't be such a baby," she said) and forced to listen to delerium and PVD all night by this totally freakin' hot k-girl. Oh man...the crueler and more beautiful (and brilliant) they are, the more you want to commune and imbibe. Damn I love a woman with that kind of vocabulary--b!tch or not.

I said, among other things as I babbled amid the booming of "Flowers become Windscreens," that E was a love potion. She responded that she hadn't actually considered it a love potion, but more of an enhancer. Yeah.

Then I said, "You're so beautiful. You're a goddess," and she smiled at me, and I went on and on in virtual poetry, and for some reason I concluded with, "All of these other women--how could i ever compare them with you?"
Why did I say that? Anyway, she got all pissed off and left.

In the end, my buddy, who's married (at 27) with 2 kids goes out with his married buddy guys once in a while, and he said once in passing, "yeah, once in a while all the guys sit around and exchange women stories..."
My response. "Although i still think marriage sucks my 'nads, someday I will be at that gathering with you. And when my turn in the round table comes up, I'll cover the highlights between 8:35 and 10:15PM, and when I'm done, none of you b!tches will be telling anymore stories."


Same goes fer you (besides Widebody of course)