Has this happened to anyone here?

[billybek]

My birthday today. No jokes about being middle age and living to 112 years old this year.
My dad is in an extended care centre and will likely pass within the next day or two.
He was a weldor and worked hard to provide for our family. He worked until he was almost 65 and then did fabrication projects in the garage for another 10-15 years after his "retirement". He worked too cheaply on these projects but I think he just did them to keep busy and there is some value to that.
He started to show some signs of Alzheimer's after he had turned 80 and had some mini strokes at around 85.
The last 5 years it was heartbreaking to watch someone who was so capable be reduced to being so helpless.
When I was young I would hang out in the garage and "help" overhaul the Volkswagen engines for his projects. Much of my mechanical aptitude was installed at a young age because of him.
He helped (read did a great deal of the work) on two project bugs and a campmobile that I drove during my teen years and into my 20s.
He bought my last bug so that I could buy my first new truck. He probably paid too much for it.
My dad grew up in northern Saskatchewan on a homestead. At a very young age worked falling trees, mining. He had 3 brothers and 2 sisters. His only sibling still living is his older sister who is now in her 90s. He missed being able to talk to his brothers.
I remember him working for hours to make a tool to complete a task that he could have purchased. Making things that he had work was a bit of a passion for him.
My dad loved animals. He loved seeing my border collie and would slip her pieces of roast beef at the dinner table and everyone would pretend not to see him do that.
My mom and dad moved to an extended care facility over a year ago. It is a long distance away from where we live. I went to visit to see the place in February of 2018 to check it out. It was the last time I really saw him.
When I was leaving he was visibly upset that I was going and perhaps he thought I was there to bring him back to the little bungalow that he an my mom called home for for well over 60 years.
He didn't recognize me when my son and I visited this past summer.
Hard.
Hope he doesn't die on my birthday but he earned the right to die any damn time he wants. Tough old guy. His body doesn't know when to give up.
Thanks dad, for everything.

[Seahawk]

Great tribute - tough road.

Both my parents passed away after brief bouts with cancer, their mental faculties in tact so I have no experience to share, only my best wishes.

[Bob Kontak]

My sympathies.

A good man.

[jhynesrockmtn]

Your Dad sounds like a great man. Sorry for his current situation. My Mom is almost 83 and is in a similar state. Her memory and ability to understand things is pretty shot. Her body has definitely outlived her brain.

[KevinTodd]

This resonates with most of us, I am certain, at least those of us that are fortunate to have been raised by a father as you described.

I'd suggest going to see him in his last hours if at all possible. He will know you're there, and you will be glad you did.

Sending positive thoughts for you and your family in this difficult time.

[JeremyD]

Hang in there Bill - my stepdad went through a similar ordeal. His was Parkinsons and Dementia... Several times I could tell that he couldn't recognize me, although I could ask him a detailed question about his boat and he spit out the answer.

He welded and machined for Lawrence livermore labs - and I swear he was exposed to some nasty stuff over his years.

[MBAtarga]

My Dad was showing signs of mental degradation while battling his cancer. He would repeat questions that had been answered twice before in the past 10 minutes. He went downhill rather quickly with the cancer so there weren't any issues with recognition of family or similarly severe symptoms. This was 8 years ago when he passed at 81 years.

Sounds like your Dad was very loving. You're fortunate in that respect - as was I.

[Baz]

My dad is in an extended care centre and will likely pass within the next day or two.

Hi Bill - thanks for your post - resonates with many of us plus I enjoyed reading of your father's accomplishments.

You are a very proud son - as you should be! No matter what happens - you will always have that. Your father gave you the best present ever. Something not everyone will have.

It seems like the thing to do if the above quoted comment is correct would be to try and get to your father and be there by his side for his passing. I'm sorry if this suggestion is out of line or not practical but thought I'd toss in my 2 cents.

I know there are a lot of emotions going on inside of you right now. With a 96 year old mother who lives close by - I feel it coming as well.

Stay strong and please accept my warm regards as you deal with your father's passing.

[wdfifteen]

He sounds like a fantastic guy. And you sound like a great son. You have a lot of great memories, and I'll bet a lot of stories to tell too. You are blessed.

I don't want to step on your thread. Someday I'll write about my dad's alzheimers. It's a terrible affliction. It may be harder on the families than on the victim, I don't know.
I can tell from your post you are hurting. Thank you for taking time to tell us about your dad. God Bless.

[LEAKYSEALS951]

My dad died a year ago.

My father had been going downhill mentally for some time prior to his passing. It just sucks. My thoughts are with you. Hang in there.

[flatbutt]

my condolences billy. There is a lot of living and wisdom in this place and you may find some comfort in those responses here:

It's my Mom

[slow&rusty]

Fantastic and inspiring tribute to a wonderful man.

[LWJ]

Happy Birthday!!! You have been gifted your entire life with a great father. Something that is far rarer than it should be.

I would have enjoyed knowing your Dad. He sounds wonderful. I can clearly see how much you love him and feel your grief.

I am sorry for your loss. You are already missing him.

When my father-in-law passed, it was similar. He was larger than life. But, his time was done and it was welcome.

Peace.

[996AE]

Thanks for sharing this.

My dad is in a similar stage of life. We dont expect him to see 2020.

Hurts.

Hold on to the good memories.

[Bugsinrugs]

Your father did what good fathers do. He gave you good memories and was/is a great role model. Best thing you can do is pass it along to your kids and his memory will always be alive. My condolences.

[herr_oberst]

Happy birthday, billybek.

You could have been writing about my dad's situation; the details differ, but the broad strokes were pretty much the same. Be strong in the knowledge that you have great memories and you appreciate all he did for his family. Even though he doesn't seem to remember you anymore, his spirit lives on inside of you.

[GH85Carrera]

Unfortunately it happens to many people. My father in law was a man that got married when they were both 18. He had to pay once to have a man come fix a refrigerator, back in the 1960s. He hated that experience, so he went to the library, read up, and then fixed fridges for many people. He was an electrician for the local power company. He would work on and fix anything and everything. Then Alzheimer's struck. It was so sad to see that man reduced to less than a new born baby and not even know how to feed himself.

My mom started showing signs of mental confusion. It turned out to be brain cancer that took her life in a very short time. I watched my dad suffer the after effects of a heart valve replacement operation. He looked at me at one point and said "a man should not have to live like this" as he struggled to breath. He walked in carrying his bag, and looking good. That operation killed him.

[recycled sixtie]

Sorry to hear about your father BillyB. You have had your father in your life a long time and I think that you should be grateful for that. My dad died at 52 when I was 21. On the other hand my mother lived to 94 and somebody said at her funeral that she died ten years before. In other words she was not right mentally in her last ten years.

Your father has had a long successful rewarding life and you have been a good son.
There is not much better than that. Don't forget people are generally living longer and therefore are exposed to more diseases. If you have any siblings or relatives it is time to support each other.

[DonDavis]

I really liked reading about your Dad and stuff you guys did.

Very sad about his current condition. No real world advice from me, other than make sure the guy you shave with is centered. Stay aware, move forward, embrace love.

[Danimal16]

Bill, you have said all that needs to be said; and oh so well.

I have nothing to offer you that you don't already know or have, and you got that from Him.

One of the most difficult things to do is let go of them physically. He lives in you.

With the warmest regards,
Dan