STOP WALKING ON EGGSHELLS! have you ever...?

[fintstone]

Not sharing a series of phone calls/texts from a woman that has made it clear that she wants to have an extramarital affair with you does not exactly sound like "walking on eggshells". It sounds like a strategic decision based on knowing/predicting the emotional response from the spouse. If nothing has or will happen...why upset the spouse and create a feud between families?

For those of you with extremely hot spouses, they are flirted with/hit on every day. If they told you about every one, your days would be filled with ass-kicking and hospital recovery time...if not jail. You should trust your spouse to handle such crap without involving you and vice-versa.

[wayner]

The inability to have a necessary conversation for fear of the other person's reaction in a long term stable relationship between partners who should have each other's backs is problematic.

This goes for family members
Business partners
Employee/employer relationships
and spouses.

Im sure there are other relationships that I have left out.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by flatbutt

Walking on eggshells can be very case dependent. When you are aware of an issue that someone is suffering with, being sensitive to their condition may be walking on eggshells but it is for a good reason. I am referring to an acute situation, not a chronic one.

I was trying to figure out a way to write what you did above. I concur - sometimes NOT walking on eggshells can exacerbate an otherwise temporal situation.

Originally Posted by flatbutt

When it is chronic, ongoing and by reason of a purposefully adopted demeanor I have displayed a short lived tolerance hoping it'd resolve. When it didn't I've stomped on the eggshells while walking away.

Perfect. Me, too.

[wayner]

Maybe I should have begun this thread with:

Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells, or are you a bull in a china shop?

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by wayner

Maybe I should have begun this thread with:

Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells, or are you a bull in a china shop?

I like the original title: The answer is yes, I have; and, no I haven't.

I'd like to eat my cake and have it to

[Gretch]

plenty of people are not worth having a conversation with.........

So I don't.

[tabs]

Originally Posted by Tervuren

It is an alteration of a quote from the headmaster of the Arcanist Guild during the 7th Umbral Era,

"Strategy is a tool used to manipulate one's situation into the desired reality." - Khrid Tia

I preferred to change it the way I did as I see that the only opportunity for change exists with the present.

A continual set of planned actions in the present moving with a direction in mind;
this brings the desired future to one day become the present.
Hence my paraphrase.
The meaning is perhaps the same even if the way to get there is different.

That is the strategy of being totally transparent, it is like watching a tennis ball come over the net, and it usually winds up being the strategy of you being bent over the net.

And well look at the loser who liked your comment!!! LOL Two birds of a feather..

[Tervuren]

Fintstone has a point.

But I'd also much rather be comfortable with talking about anything that happens to me if I wanted to do so.

My personal observation of my small part of the world is that women have difficulty separating animosity of imagined events from actual.

A women can dream you did a terrible thing and have animosity towards you even if you didn't do it.

I see Fred's point in that the more material there is for imagination the worse things can go.

I have also observed that women will hold the sin's of a past partner against the present partner.

[tabs]

Originally Posted by Tervuren

Fintstone has a point.

But I'd also much rather be comfortable with talking about anything that happens to me if I wanted to do so.

My personal observation of my small part of the world is that women have difficulty separating animosity of imagined events from actual.

A women can dream you did a terrible thing and have animosity towards you even if you didn't do it.

I see Fred's point in that the more material there is for imagination the worse things can go.

I have also observed that women will hold the sin's of a past partner against the present partner.

A now passed woman friend of mine thought something happened and my comment was do you want me to lie to you to let you think it happened that way. The woman behind us in line just smiled. Actually that did make it go away.

I do not strategize anything nor try and manipulate anything. However it just seems to usually work out my way.. So many times on this Board I have wanted to make a comment but it just did not seem to be the right time and place. As posts and or Threads took place it just seems to always work out that that right time and place to make my comment just occurs.. Do I set the stage for it to work out that way, or am I anticipating the course of events? Anyway you wana slice it is a touchy feely intuitive process.

What I realize is that the long and arduous road of examining ones life that I set out on when I was 20 has paid off. The facts of life are that if you started now it would take you decades to get to where I am at. It is called neural plasticity and it takes time, effort and an unrelenting willingness to look closely at yourself in the mirror. It is the difference between an apprentice and a master craftsman. The Newbie don't know shyte. It is not a matter of ego either, it is just the way things are.

[fintstone]

Originally Posted by fintstone

Not sharing a series of phone calls/texts from a woman that has made it clear that she wants to have an extramarital affair with you does not exactly sound like "walking on eggshells". It sounds like a strategic decision based on knowing/predicting the emotional response from the spouse. If nothing has or will happen...why upset the spouse and create a feud between families?

For those of you with extremely hot spouses, they are flirted with/hit on every day. If they told you about every one, your days would be filled with ass-kicking and hospital recovery time...if not jail. You should trust your spouse to handle such crap without involving you and vice-versa.

Agreed with your post overall...but I would point out that it may be too late after 20 years of marriage to decide that you married and made a great life with a woman that might not be very understanding when it comes to other women...and send her packing for such a small detail.

[wayner]

When I was young I felt that anyone could live with anyone, they just had to try
Now, I’m amazed how anyone can ever possibly live with anyone

A few years ago I had commented to an older wiser friend how if I couldn’t make this marriage work, I’m never doing it again, I e worked too hard

He quickly commented that “it shouldn’t be that much work”

And in hindsight he was right
A good measure of a person or relationship is not how things are in good times, but how they are in the bad times...

[fintstone]

If one is "walking on eggshells" all the time with their spouse, that seems like a serious problem. If there is an occasional issue where there is disagreement...is not bringing it up really that big an issue? Lots of couples have differing political views for example...yet manage to not kill each other in their sleep. They ether agree to disagree, they generally avoid the topic, or the less militant one simply decides it is not with the effort to debate the issue. We have to do this to some extent (on some issues) with almost everyone.

This just seems to reinforce the importance of choosing a spouse carefully and being honest (before marriage).

This seems a bigger problem today because people marry older. My wife and I married quite young (the fall after I graduated from high school)...and much of our viewpoints were quite malleable. Most of our opinions on issues were developed, or at least firmed-up, after marriage based on shared experiences.

I am well aware of what makes my wife happy or sad (or angry). She usually gets her way on things she feels more strongly about and I, the same. I do my best to make the "happy" the theme of the day. I don't see it as "walking on eggshells"...but as being considerate/self-sacrificing. I don't much believe in giving cards at Valentines Day, etc...but my wife loves them so I invest the buck and get her the nicest one I can find. She does not really value my old cars...but she does not nag me about them. She might if it prevented us from having a nice house or something she values. I try to make it so we can have both. If she gets what she values, she really cannot find too much fault with my decisions.

[pavulon]

Originally Posted by tabs

So many times on this Board I have wanted to make a comment but it just did not seem to be the right time and place.

It is the difference between an apprentice and a master craftsman. The Newbie don't know shyte. It is not a matter of ego either, it is just the way things are.

43K posts. Clearly you are the Master of Restraint

#selfownage

[wayner]

I like post 31 on this thread
It’s stuff like his response to the situation growing up that provides a solid reference point for future situations in life

Restaurant and paying out tips?