The Brain is a *****!

[jhynesrockmtn]

Parents going through dementia/alzheimer's is a tough journey. I'm in Seattle for a few days. My son was released from Ft. Bragg until Wednesday where he is waiting for Q school to start for him and luckily not doing much. His Grandfather, my exes Dad, was a 30+ year Navy Captain. These two were close! The only crap he ever gave my kid was for joining the Army and not the Navy. My ex called me Saturday to tell me her Dad was going into hospice after several years in Memory Care.

I hopped in my 996 (small Porsche content:-) and drove across the state to pick him up at the airport. We are staying at my daughter's. We all visited Grandpa yesterday. My ex and I have remained friends thankfully so we can be together as a family when we need to be. I hadn't seen him in a few years as he hasn't been able to attend the kids weddings, grandbaby births, etc. He's "only" 82 but a shell of a man. I think our medical and pharma industry has progressed beyond the point where it is helpful in situations like this. They can keep the body going even when the brain has for the most part given up the ship.

Taking my son back today so they can watch some western's and he can hold the old man's hand for a while. I hate seeing my kids in pain. That's it, just wanted to get this outta my brain. RIP Don. He had his flaws like any man, but I'm thankful for the good memories and him being in my kid's lives.

[GH85Carrera]

Yea, the various dementia diseases are a realy sad thing. My FIL went from a man that could repair anything to baby that did not know how to chew. Euthanasia is something that need to be legalized. No one wants to "live" like that.

I am sorry for your loss.

[asphaltgambler]

Went through this with my mother who passed in '06 at 84. It was beyond heartbreaking to see the decline over a period of years. Sometimes I believe it is more cruel than cancer.

[brainz01]

You have my deepest sympathies. I lost my dad to AD in 2016. He was only 71.

It's a nasty, cruel disease. And a lonely one for spouses and caretakers. It's truly one of the worst. The nursing home/hospice care stage is heart breaking, but thankfully, much closer to the end of what can be a 10 year march or more.

I'd urge anyone that suspects they have a close friend or relative with early dementia to consider giving "The End of Alzheimers" by Dr Dale Bredesen a read. The book came out too late to help my father, but it was recently successfully applied to another close family member.

For patients not too far gone (nursing home is likely too late), Bredesen's methodology can meaningfully improve cognition and function including potentially a return to self sufficiency and even work. His methodology addresses AD not as a single disease, but rather as a multi-factor illness that manifests slowly as dementia commonly referred to as Alzheimers. Bredesen's research supports that when [most] all brain health factors are satisfactorily addressed, the dementia can be slowed, halted, or even reversed (particularly for younger patients).

I wish all good health.

I'm so sorry to hear that, Jerry. It's a brutal disease.

[KFC911]

Best to you all...

[billybek]

Sucks to see such capable people robbed of their ability to cope in everyday life.
Sorry to hear of your FIL's passing.

My dad passed in April of this year. He was 90 and was suffering from Alzheimer's like symptoms and needed constant care the last year of his life. He never would have chose to live that way.
I miss him a lot.

[Seahawk]

You have my deepest sympathy as well...my wife is going through this with her mother and it is very tough on her.

Take care and best.

[john70t]

There are many types of dementia.
Drugs for one type(Alzheimers) can have an adverse effect on another type(Lewy Body).
The first is a 5-10 yr. forgetfulness slide and the second is 3-5 roller coaster mix with paranoia and shakes.

Diagnosis is important.
There are blood tests: https://emedicine.medscape.com/article/292105-workup
There are also visual tests: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3493005/

Beware of the sundowners syndrome: Some people will decide to go walking one way or leave the kettle on.
Don't take things personally. It's often the disease talking, not them.
People will hold onto their dignity in many irrational stubborn ways (to us) because it's the last thing they have.
Keeping busy with things they can still do is most important.

Be there for them, and cognizant of the staff who deal with it full time but may be limited themselves.

[Rusty Heap]

My Dad did it the best way. Heart Attack middle of the nights sleep. zero Pain, just lights out.


Mom, she withered over 3 years of slow decline due to brain tumor.

Hospice Nurses are angels. bless them all

I hear and feel your pain.

I want it lights out when my time comes.

[GH85Carrera]

My former boss did it right. At age 99 he kissed his wife goodnight and he walked upstairs to go to bed. No walker, no cane. She stayed downstairs to finish a movie. She found him an hour later and he was dead. No extended hospital stay, no pain and suffering, and sharp as a tack until the end. I had called him a few months before that, and asked for the name of a plumber he used and liked. I could not even remember the plumbers name. My old boss told me his name and his phone number right there on the spot. Amazing man.

Watching my FIL turn into an 110 pound infant was horrible. He was to the point that he had forgotten how to chew. The nursing home wanted to put in a feeding tube of course. My MIl told them no way will they do anything to extend his life. He finally did not know even how to swallow, so he died of starvation and dehydration. It is just wrong that he could not be euthanized and allowed to die with some little dignity.

[jhynesrockmtn]

Watching my FIL turn into an 110 pound infant was horrible. He was to the point that he had forgotten how to chew. The nursing home wanted to put in a feeding tube of course. My MIl told them no way will they do anything to extend his life. He finally did not know even how to swallow, so he died of starvation and dehydration. It is just wrong that he could not be euthanized and allowed to die with some little dignity.

This is about where he is. It is tough to see. I'm hoping there are orders in place to ensure he does not get a feeding tube, etc. but my ex is not his guardian. He has one appointed by the VA I think.

I drove back home last night. We had a good day Sunday with a visit. My ex and her Dad had a complicated relationship that only got more strained as this disease and some mental health issues took hold of him several years back. He lost everything he had built over a tough life where he worked his ass off to scammers and his own weird obsessive shopping behaviors. She ended up with nothing but some photos and memorabilia from his military career which my son now has. It is really sad. We all tried to intervene over the years to no effect.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by jhynesrockmtn

He lost everything he had built over a tough life where he worked his ass off to scammers and his own weird obsessive shopping behaviors. She ended up with nothing but some photos and memorabilia from his military career which my son now has.

My wife has been assigned as my MIL's legal guardian, full control over her estate, the works...thank god. Scammers are relentless.

She pays herself $20 an hour to manage the requirements that Maryland has put in place to try and prevent "loved ones" from stealing mom's money. Actually pretty common sense rules and regs with quarterly reports.

The time to plan your denouement is not during the final act, folks. Plan ahead.

J, again, my sympathies and best to your son...as a former Navy Captain with a son that went Army ROTC, I feel your FILs pain.

[tabs]

I cringe when I hear this for the grace of God there go I.

[reachme]

last fall my father had a fall (loss of balance is part) and in hospital lost his ability to swallow so hospice. Bad things happen when you change pattern for someone in deep dimensia.

Your sense of hearing is one of the last to go in hospice. We brought family movies and old songs he liked and long after we were able to communicate, he would still focus in and out on movies and songs and a great way to remind them of all they built.

good luck through this

[jhynesrockmtn]

Originally Posted by Seahawk

My wife has been assigned as my MIL's legal guardian, full control over her estate, the works...thank god. Scammers are relentless.

She pays herself $20 an hour to manage the requirements that Maryland has put in place to try and prevent "loved ones" from stealing mom's money. Actually pretty common sense rules and regs with quarterly reports.

The time to plan your denouement is not during the final act, folks. Plan ahead.

J, again, my sympathies and best to your son...as a former Navy Captain with a son that went Army ROTC, I feel your FILs pain.

That sounds like your wife has a great handle on this. I'll give my folks credit. Years ago they put in place a family trust. My Mom recently signed herself off of the trust as a trustee so my sister and I can act to protect her investments. Her stuff (which she doesn't realize she has any longer) is safe now.

At one point in the visit my son very purposefully said "Hey Grandpa, I'm a Captain in the Army now and attending the special forces school at Bragg" to try and get a rise out of him :-) I wish he was aware of what my son has accomplished. Much of it due to his trying to make a career his Grandpa would be proud of.

[ErVikingo]

God bless and sorry you are going through this. Lost my daddy 3 years ago under similar circumstances. Very sad and I miss him everyday.

Mom has an advanced case of AD now. My FIL has severe PD.

Life ain't fair.